Carrying a Pearl

Holiday Update #1

2012-01-23T15:47:00.002-06:00

Well, it's been 5 months since I've done an update on Liam's development, and I completely skipped over any blogging about the holidays. We (hopefully) will find out the gender of this new little one in 9 days, so I'm hoping to get caught up before that so I can turn all my attention toward the future. And, since I'm sitting in a quiet house recovering from a stomach virus, what better time to do a little catching up? (Also, the fact that I already can't keep up with things I would normally do and this 2nd baby is still inside me does NOT make me feel hopeful about my future productivity). I'll take today to do a little holiday update, and then I'll write about what Liam is like as a 20 month old later on this week.

Thanksgiving
This year we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family, and got to join in the tradition they started last year of celebrating the holiday in Florida, at the beach. We may not have had a traditional Thanksgiving meal, but I think walking in the white sand, drinking lemonade at the end of November, and eating piles of crab legs on Thanksgiving night distracted us from any possibility of missing turkey and cranberry sauce.

Even though Liam's first trip to the beach was only 3 months before our Thanksgiving trip, I couldn't believe how much older he seemed. The fact that we forgot his bucket hat & had to buy him this silly, gray ball cap just made him seem that much bigger.

We didn't really spend any time in the water - Destin weather was much nicer than the weather in NWA, but not really hot enough that you'd want to swim in the ocean in November. Liam was again a little uncertain about the sand at first, but he got used to it quickly.

Checking out aunt Abbie's beach reading


Taking a stroll down the beach with Nana & Uncle Zach

Watching the waves with Grandad

Reading break with Daddy at Sundog Books

My little Sunshine

Liam & I both got really excited about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade :)

A new trick Liam started on this trip was "crying" like a baby. One night while we were out at a restaurant he heard a little baby crying at the table next to us and started mimicking it. For the next few weeks he thought it was hilarious to fake cry every time we told him to "cry like a baby" (we thought it was pretty funny, too).

The timing of the trip was great for me, as it was one of the more nauseous weeks I experienced during my 1st trimester. While it probably would have been more fun had I not felt queasy much of the time, if you're going to feel sick it might as well be at the beach surrounded by family who make all your meals and entertain your toddler. Much to be thankful for!

Checklist

2012-01-22T14:58:00.005-06:00

I feel the need to do a quick update on how I did on the 12 goals I set out to accomplish before 2012. Spoiler alert: I did not complete them. Now you can skip reading this post if you were just wondering whether or not I completed them all. I honestly didn't think I'd really finish all of these things, and as it turns out I made the goal list on October 16th, which happens to be very close to the time I got pregnant with this baby. That definitely shifted my goals from completing a bunch of projects to making it through the first trimester by napping as much as I deemed necessary.

So, here's how I did ...

Read Bible daily - I did not, but I did read it with increased frequency.
Finish baby quilt for secret friend - I did, and I'll post pics below!
Sort remaining piles/bins in the house - I made progress, but they're not quite all organized yet.
Make a winter wreath - Ha! Even though I bought materials for the cute Pinterest-inspired wreath I was going to make, I never did. My fall wreath is still on the door ... in January. Whoops.
Finish two books - Well, I still didn't finish Don't Make Me Count to Three, but I did finish At Home, by Bill Bryson; and a novel my sister-in-law gave me for my birthday.
Register for NCMHCE exam - I did register for it, studied for it, and passed it last Saturday! It is a HUGE weight off my shoulders!
Have at least one playdate a week - Nope. Too tired.
Finish Christmas stockings - Yes! Well, mostly. Our names still aren't on them, but they are usable and can always have names added later. Maybe I'll add the names when I'm making the newest Lawson's stocking for this year.There's a pic after the quilt pics.
Wash windows - Completed!
Make pallet seating/bed for study - We didn't do this, and sadly, we decided not to. I found some awesome pictures of the look I wanted, but the advent of baby #2 made us realize we really need the study to be functional as a guest room, so just purchasing a futon or sofa bed will be much more practical. Practicality can be such a bummer.
Run 90 miles - Ha! This is the funniest to me. I'm pretty sure I barely ran 9 miles ... I completely blame the 1st trimester exhaustion. Oh well.
Finish Liam's one year book - Nope. Someday.

So, here's the evidence that I finished the quilt and the stockings. I made my second quilt for my friend Megan's little one on the way, Owen. He should show up at any moment and we can't wait to meet him!

For the most part, this quilt came together much quicker and much more easily than my first one ... until I got to the binding. Apparently having made one quilt caused me to believe I was an expert, so I didn't pay close enough attention to my binding instructions. This mistake led to a LONG process of ripping out seams and trying to patch things up. I guess you learn something new every time. This time I learned to pay attention :)

I used this pattern from Sew4Home, which was really easy to follow along with. The blue polka dot and vehicle fabrics are both from Alexander Henry's Monkey's Bizness line and the dusty blue argyle fabric is by Sweetwater for Moda. I found the red and brown fabrics at Hobby Lobby and our local quilt shop - not sure what they are.

And here's my precious little helper, checking out the finished product and wondering why I haven't made him a cool blanket yet. Don't worry, little buddy. Your new big boy room will come outfitted with your own super cool quilt.

And here are the stockings - the pic is really overexposed and blurry, but I love them (l to r: daddy, mommy & Liam)!

I may not have finished all I wanted to in 2012, but I'm pleased with what I accomplished!

Strength & Majesty

2012-01-19T22:02:00.001-06:00

I won't lie by telling you that I generally wake up before Liam to read my Bible. Usually, I sleep until I hear his happy little morning voice chirping away over the monitor. This morning, though, he slept in almost an hour later than is his norm, so I spent a little time curled up in bed reading in Psalms. One of the chapters I read, 93, begins this way, "The Lord reigns, He is robed in majesty; the Lord is robed; He has put on strength as His belt." (Ps. 93:1) That verse stood out to me, and when I finished reading I prayed a simple prayer: "Lord, show me your strength & majesty today."

Liam was sick yesterday. When I went in his room to get him out of bed yesterday morning he said, "Mommy, uh-oh," and pointed to a pile of throw-up in his bed. He hasn't gotten sick again since then, but his mood has been a little off. Consequently, today still involved a lot more fussing and neediness than usual, except for the glorious couple of hours when he was distracted by his friends, Lilly, Fischer, and Bryson. By the time 7:30 rolled around this evening I was done. I was ready to get him in bed so I could plop on the couch in time for the Office and Up All Night. I finished our bedtime routine and closed the door at 7:52 - the Office starts at 8:00. Perfect.

At 8:16 Liam started wailing. Sometimes he fusses a little at night before he falls asleep, but I could tell this wasn't a normal wind-down whimper. I needed to tend to him. Right in the middle of my show. A BAD attitude reared its head as I walked down the hall. Thankfully, it never takes more than a minute or two of cuddling my precious son to kick my selfishness to the curb, and as I sang through the verses of Amazing Grace (one of Liam's favorites: "Grace!") I thought about what a gift it is that an act of worship to God - nurturing the child He has given me - can be so tender. As I was meditating on how kind it is that God has designed all of the very best experiences in life to be a way of glorifying Him, I was reminded of my prayer from this morning.

Briefly, I felt a twinge of disappointment. I couldn't remember noticing anything remotely close to the strength or majesty of God in any of the fussy, tiring, or house-full-of-toddlers moments of my day. Before that disappointment even had time to sink in, my heart heard the words, "this is it," and I was immediately reminded of the story in I Kings 19 when the Lord instructs Elijah to stand before Him on the mount:

"And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rock before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, the sound of a low whisper." (I Kings 19:11-12)

The God I serve is all-powerful. The wind and the waves obey Him. The God I serve is robed in majesty. I wouldn't survive the experience of seeing Him with my human eyes. The God I serve is humble. He wrapped all His strength and majesty in the form of a baby when He sent His incarnate Son to earth, and He continues to remind us that we are to, "be still and know," that He is God (Ps. 46:10).

I think I'll start trying to wake up before Liam more often. I need more quiet, majestic moments.

Go Hogs!

2012-01-05T10:55:00.000-06:00

Liam has been pretty excited about tomorrow's Cotton Bowl, as well as baseball season, which is right around the corner. The other day we sat down for some sports talk, to get his opinions. Here's what he had to say:

That bit where he says, "owww" and beats himself on the head is his demonstration of the Hogs stomping the Wildcats tomorrow. Go Hogs!

This New One

2012-01-04T12:48:00.000-06:00

Now that we've finally decided to make this pregnancy internet-public, I'm excited to start blogging a bit more again. Between the exhaustion of the first trimester and finding it difficult to write anything genuine without mentioning being pregnant, I just sort of bypassed the blog for a while.

Since I've just entered my second trimester (on Monday), I thought I'd do a bit of a recap of the last 13 weeks, so I can remember it later on. I found out I was pregnant on November 1st, but had already been suspicious for a week or so before that. On a girls' trip to Orlando for my friend, Becky's, 30th birthday I had made a comment at one point about how strong the smell of smoke was in a convenience store. Later on, my friend Sally asked if I thought I might be pregnant because she really hadn't noticed the smell. I knew it was a possibility, but since we had just miscarried a month earlier, I didn't want to get my hopes up. Then, even when I was pretty sure that we had another little one growing, I still waited a few days to take a test. I had quite a bit of lower back pain early on in this pregnancy, and since I never experienced that with Liam but did have lots of back pain before and during the miscarriage, I was very nervous. As soon as I saw the positive sign on the test, my prayer became a) that this would be a healthy baby, and b) that I would have noticeable symptoms to help ease my mind.

I might want to think twice before I ever ask God for symptoms again, because two days later, at my birthday dinner with friends, I was barely able to eat because I was so nauseous. With Liam I really didn't experience any nausea until I was about 8 weeks along, and then I think it lasted until about 13 weeks. This pregnancy the nausea kicked in at 4.5 weeks and started to subside around 11 or 12, though I do still have waves of it from time to time. Gratefully, neither pregnancy has resulted in me throwing up more than once (so far), so I know I'm super blessed in that way.

Other than earlier and longer nausea and the back pain from weeks 4-7, this pregnancy has been very similar to my first. I'm so happy to have most of my energy back ... the fatigue and loss of ALL motivation that I experience in the first trimester is really frustrating. Our house needs a LOT of help :) I had thought that the beginning of pregnancy might be harder this time around, since I spend all day chasing a toddler; but actually I think it has been easier. When I was pregnant with Liam I was working full-time, so I had to be "on" from the time I got up at 6:30am until I got home from work around 5:30pm. I remember coming home most nights those first few months and just crashing on the couch, barely moving until bedtime. This time around, except for the two days a week that I work, I've been able to sleep until Liam wakes up, and then nap when he does if I feel like I need it.While this did not result in a sparkling house or lots of great home-cooked meals, at least I didn't feel as miserably tired as I remember with Liam. I've also noticed that in general I feel healthier this pregnancy. I worked out much more faithfully in the past year than I did before I was pregnant with Liam, and even though I've been too worn out for that the past few months, I still stay very active just being his mom.

A few other highlights from this pregnancy so far:

Seeing our little one on an ultrasound at 9.5 weeks
The nurse FINALLY finding the heartbeat after what seemed like forever at both of our last 2 appts.
Feeling the first flutters of noticeable movement a few different times over the past week
The way Liam pulls up my shirt & points to my belly button when I ask him about the baby

It's still so hard to imagine my heart growing enough to love another child the way I love my little boy, but everyone says it will happen so I believe it. I'm just excited (and nervous) to get to know this new one the way I know Liam.

Drumroll, Please ...

2012-01-03T22:06:00.001-06:00

So ... most of our friends are aware of this already, but we thought the New Year would be a good time to announce the new arrival we're expecting in 2012. That's right, another little Lawson is due to make an appearance sometime around July 2 and we couldn't be more excited!

We will hopefully find out the little one's gender in about 4 weeks, and we are so excited to know if Liam will have a little brother or sister. Since the kiddos will only be about 26 months apart we would love for Liam to have the camaraderie of a brother, but he has such a gentle and tender soul that we know he would be a wonderful big brother to a little sister, as well.

Here's to a new year, the end of the first trimester, and a new addition to our little clan!

Mary, Full of Grace

2011-12-14T10:04:00.001-06:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. I missed some things I was going to do, like make note of things I was grateful for every day in November & write Liam's 18 month post (he's still super cool at 19 months, so that will be coming soon). I've been too busy doing stuff like finishing quilts & stockings, decorating the house, having pillow fights on the floor, and making what are possibly the most tedious Christmas gifts ever to have the time to blog.

But, this little gem took place in our house the other day and I'm afraid if I wait any longer I'll forget to write it down ... Last week Liam & I took a little trip to Target to pick up this sweet Fisher Price nativity set:

Source

Sadly, our little family hasn't actually owned a full nativity set in the past, and since I really wanted to make sure we had one this year, I decided we should get one that Liam can play with. I know he doesn't understand it this year, but he does enjoy going over the the hearth, where it is set up, and making the animals and people give each other kisses and eat the hay.

Anyway, on Monday I was at work & Josh was at home with Liam for a while before he took him to my parents' for the day. At some point during their playing, Liam hurled a Matchbox car at Josh's forehead, drawing blood. Since we do not aspire to have our child cause head injuries, Josh disciplined him. In this instance, being disciplined was more upsetting to our little man than it is normally and he became inconsolable - wailing for me. After a couple of minutes Josh said he noticed Liam was pointing and reaching for this little friend ...

Source

the Mary figure from the nativity. He knows that she is baby Jesus' mommy, so he always calls her "Mommy" when he is playing with the set. Apparently, she also is a good stand-in for Liam's real mommy, because Josh said as soon as he handed Mary to Liam, he hugged her to his chest saying, "mommy, mommy," and started his sniffly and hiccuping wind-down process.

Thanks, Mary, for filling in and providing the mommy comfort Liam needed when I wasn't there. Do you think it would be creepy if I started handing Mary to babysitters or nursery workers when we leave Liam and saying, "if he gets upset, just give this to him - he thinks it's a tiny version of me"?

... For the Smells of Fall

2011-11-07T21:31:00.000-06:00

It rained intermittently all day today. My office is located at the top of a hill, surrounded by woods. Since it is November and most of the leaves have blown off the oaks, the late afternoon air was steeped in the damp, woody smell of acorns, leaves, and dirt. As I left the office, I was hit with nostalgia. My paternal grandparents used to live in a wonderful home that they built, at the top of a hill, in the woods. By the time I came along, the house had been there long enough that all of those woodsy smells had crept indoors; so today I was flooded with sweet memories of playing on the yellow-orange shag staircase with my cousins and taking chocolate chip cookies (which I always thought she baked a bit too hard) out of grandma's cookie jar.

Today I am thankful for the wonderful smells of fall, for the way God hardwired our memories to be so strongly linked to all of our senses, and for the gift of a childhood that I want to remember.

... For the Kindness of Strangers

2011-11-06T12:32:00.001-06:00

This morning, Josh went on a bike ride from Fayetteville to Van Buren. Sounds pretty miserable if you ask me; but he said it was beautiful, and I'm sure the train ride back will be a lovely way to see all of the fall colors.

Anyway, while he was battling wind and hills on two wheels, I decided Liam and I needed a breakfast date to Panera. After enjoying our muffin, bagel, and orange juice, I carried Liam back out to the car to load him into his carseat. As I walked past the front of the car, something caught my eye ... my phone. Sitting on the hood of my car. I can only imagine that somewhere in the process of getting Liam out of the car and locking it up either I dropped my phone or it fell out of my purse. Today I am thankful that it did not get run over in the parking lot, that the person who found it was kind enough not to steal it, and instead put it on the hood of my car, and that all of the other people who walked by and saw it were kind enough to leave it there.

Also, I am thankful for Otterboxes.

... For Family & Sweethearts

2011-11-06T00:02:00.000-05:00

(These were my thankful thoughts for Nov. 4 & 5 ... I just missed getting them posted to the right date by 2 min.)

Yesterday I was thankful for a family to be a part of. Josh, Liam & I had dinner with my family and a new friend, who told us about how he was adopted when he was ten. He has a lot of siblings now, and he said he was glad to be part of a big family because for so long he didn't have a family at all. I thought I would start crying during dinner. So, I'm grateful for family.

Today I'm grateful for my son's sweetest little heart. We hold hands and pray before every meal, but for some reason when I finally got us settled down to lunch today I completely forgot to pray. About 3 minutes into the meal, Liam suddenly got really frustrated and started reaching his hands out to me, saying, "Esus, Esus". It took me about 30 seconds to realize that he was upset because we hadn't thanked Jesus for our food yet. As soon as I took his little hands in mine he bowed his curly head (the first time I've noticed him do that) and we prayed together ... and while I was grateful for my cheddar & swiss grilled cheese, I was immeasurably more thankful for the sweet heart God has given my son.

... For Friends We Love

2011-11-03T23:13:00.000-05:00

Today I'm thankful for the wonderful people God has graced our lives with. I've always felt that I am incredibly rich in the number of people I deeply care for and who care for me. I had a fun post-birthday dinner with sweet girls tonight and came home to some good conversation around the fire pit with Josh and our friend, Tripp. I'm thankful my heart is filled to overflowing so often by the love of friends.

The Thankful Month

2011-11-02T13:21:00.000-05:00

I've seen several people who are posting something they are thankful for everyday in November, and I believe I'm going to jump on that bandwagon. This fall I feel like I have a lot on my mind ... thoughts that are lurking on the sidelines, just waiting to pounce on my joy and rob me of my contentment. A month of choosing to daily focus on the small (or enormous) blessings of that day might be just what the doctor ordered to help me think on, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy," so I will know that the God of peace is with me (Philippians 4:8-9).

So, here is day 1 & day 2 (since today is the 2nd):

Day 1:
Yesterday I was so thankful for the ministry of Loving Choices. Josh and I attended this organization's annual banquet last night, as we do every year; and, just like every year, my heart was filled with gratefulness. Gratefulness for my parents, who helped start the ministry when I was little; grateful for the people who have kept it going and have grown it's reach over the past 24 years, grateful for the over 900 people who were in attendance, and grateful for a God who loves unborn babies AND their mamas.

Day 2:
Today I am thankful that my life isn't about me - it's about the big story of Jesus that continues to unfold. I'm thankful that the events of my life have specific purposes in that story and that no matter how many battles I might feel like I'm losing along the way, the war is over and I'm on the side of victory.

Also, I'm thankful for sweet tea.

p.s. some of the things I wrote today might sound like I'm depressed or really going through a tough time ... I think I'd be honest if I was, but I'm not. Just some stuff I've been thinking about.

Oh, and in case you wondered, Liam is NOT thankful for the green tomato he chomped into at Papa & Grammy's farm today.

All Broken, All Matter, One Gets the Glory

2011-11-01T22:42:00.000-05:00

Those words, "All are broken, All matter, and One gets the glory" are the three values that drive the church we attend, Mosaic at Fellowship NWA. The idea is that even though sin has fractured everyone's life, each life and story is valuable to God. When we are pieced together in the Body of Christ, in the beautiful Mosaic that it is, God is the One who receives all the glory.

The reason I'm bringing this up, is because of a blog post my sister wrote, which I just read this evening. Her post reminded me of those values - of being a little part of a grand whole. Her post also struck me because I've been chewing on the subject of humility a lot lately. At some point I'm going to churn out some of the things I've been thinking about, but in the meantime, please read my sisters words, if you feel so inclined. They are beautiful and true. Her blog is called Ordinary to Extraordinary and the post I'm referring to is called Twigs.

Enjoy!

Woof!

2011-10-31T22:03:00.000-05:00

My, how things have changed since Liam was a chubby little alien for Halloween last year.

This year Liam was a puppy because a) we needed him to somehow fit with our crazy costumes for our fall streetfest at church last Wednesday; and b) he absolutely loves dogs.

He makes a pretty cute one, too ...

We spent the beautiful, perfect-weather evening hanging out and eating chili with friends in the Bogue's front yard. It was so fun to see all the little princesses and army guys and spacemen that came strolling down the sidewalk with their parents. Amy & I say all the time that Liam and Bryson look like brothers, and I'm pretty sure that we could send this pic in our Christmas card and convince people that we had another child 8 months after Liam.

We're gonna have to teach those two boys to be KIND men, because those baby blues are gonna be lady-killers.

Goals Update

2011-10-30T21:28:00.001-05:00

1. Read Bible everyday this week - yay! It made me realize how much time I really do have to spend time with the Lord, I just get distracted and do other stuff instead and then tell myself I'm too busy.
2. No change on quilt, but I'm getting ready to cut my remaining pieces for the front when I'm done with this post.
3. no progress on piles
4. no progress on winter wreath - not planning on working on it til Thanksgiving
5. I read a few pages in Don't Make me Count to Three & most of an easy-read, fiction book I got for my birthday.
6. I mailed in my test registration form & check! Woo hoo! In about 4 weeks I should be cleared to schedule my testing date.
7. No playdates with friends, because I let the beginning of the week get too busy and was a crazed woman trying to find all the accessories needed for our ridiculous Ken & Barbie costumes.
8. no progress on Christmas stockings
~~9. Windows washed! Goal completed on 10/28!~~
10. no progress on pallet seating
11. still no running ... ergghh.
12. no progress on Liam's book

Well, last week I said I wanted to complete goals 6 & 9 and I did! I'm not technically registered for the test yet, but I've done all I can for the next few weeks. I'll cross it off the list when I've got a date on the calendar. I also said I wanted to be more faithful with goals 1 & 11. I was a total slacker on #11, but followed through with #1. As much as I'd love to really be disciplined in exercising, I do think it's good to grow in faithfulness in my relationship with God, first :)

So, this next week? Let's keep up the pace w/ #1, finish piecing the quilt top & back (#2), complete #3, and participate in #11 at least 2x.

I know this is the most boring thing ever for anyone else to read, and I doubt anyone actually does, but somehow putting my goals out there, in all their halting detail, helps me feel motivated to keep up with them. Also, this week I finished Christmas shopping for my sis and sis-in-law, which felt pretty good. I'm hoping to have all my shopping done by the weekend following Thanksgiving so I can really focus during the Christmas season on making fun family memories instead of feeling stressed about making sure I get gifts for people (that makes it sound like I do not like giving gifts - I do, I just start feeling stressed when I put it off for too long).

Just in the Nick of Time

2011-10-28T00:08:00.001-05:00

Twenty minutes before my birthday ended ... What a way to wrap up the day.

Source

Maybe the last year of my twenties will be as memorable as their night has been.

Hopefully tomorrow night will be less stressful.

I'm going to bed now.

Dear Eliot ...

2011-10-27T06:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Eliot,

Five years ago today I turned 24 and you left the arms of your mommy and daddy to be with Jesus, where they will join you someday. I was a newly-wed when you entered this world. All energetic and excited about the wonderful things that were in store for my new husband and I. I was dreaming of decades to come. You were frail and tiny. You only had 99 days.

I had been in community group with your mom and dad, so I knew you were coming, and I knew your life would look different than the lives of most babies who are born. I prayed for you. When you came, I knew it was an honor to get to hold you - to get to celebrate a couple of your daily birth-hour parties with you. I knew your parents were strong. I knew God was making them strong; but since I wasn't a parent yet, I had no clue what a miracle it was that He was sustaining them the way He did. I still really don't understand it.

When you left this life on my birthday, I assumed that I would always remember you on the day I celebrate the life God has given me; but I didn't know that I would so often think of you on other days, as well. I also didn't know that your 99 day long life would impact mine more than the lives of most people, who get nearly that many years.

Eliot, the greatest lesson you have taught me is about the beauty of life. Not life that goes the way we want it to. Not life that is always happy and healthy and wealthy. Not life coated in all the trappings and baubles that we try to decorate it with. Just life, itself. Life, because God creates it. Life, because God sustains it. Life, because it is, in the one sense fleeting and rare; yet in another sense, eternal and abundant. Through your life, and your parents', I started to learn how to embrace and celebrate the little moments on this earth while we have them, while at the same time setting my eyes and heart on things above.

You helped me find a joyful freedom in this life. Freedom to celebrate the now. Freedom to let go of the now (even if it is terribly painful) because I know something better and perfect is coming. You helped me learn gratefulness. My son is a year and a half old now. He is my first, just like you are your parents' first. During those early months of long, wakeful nights, I thought of you all the time. You reminded me that there would be other months and seasons of my life when I could sleep or shower or feel sane; but those moments cuddling my son ... those were irreplaceable.

When we dedicated our son before our church family, I wore the necklace your mom designed in your honor. I wore it because it helps me remember that all life belongs to the Lord and is created for His glory. Your parents were willing to allow Him to use your life as He saw fit, and I want to have the same willingness to let Him use my son's life, however that may be.

When I lost a baby I never knew last month, you reminded me that I was honored to get to carry that life, even if I only knew about it for three days. I hope you are friends with my little one. I like to think that you are.

Happy 5th birthday of life eternal, sweet Eliot. I look forward to the day I can tell you all of this in person and we can celebrate together, once again.

Love,
Stefanie

(If you'd like to learn more about Eliot's 99 days, you can check out his blog, here).

America's Family

2011-10-26T21:49:00.003-05:00

Something you should know about working in youth/children's ministry (you know, just in case you're considering it) is that sometimes you get ridiculous assignments. Assignments like, "hey Lawsons, y'all need to come to Fall Streetfest dressed as Workout Barbie & Malibu Ken from Toy Story 3." And that is why, tonight, we showed up at church looking like this:

I know, I know. You are super jealous that you didn't wear purple pumps and turquoise shiny tights today. You are probably also really wishing you had such awesome bouncy bangs and that your husband had a cool flowery shirt and ascot. However, if all of student ministries at your church ever decides to do a Toy Story theme, now you have some costume ideas. (Liam came as our dog, in case you were wondering how he fits into the picture).

Liam LOVES dogs, so he was really excited about the nose and spots I put on his face, and he was surprisingly content in his costume all evening. Here he is with two of his buddies: Bryson was one of the aliens and Levi was sort of Bullseye, if Bullseye was a zebra :) He is only a month old, so his parents couldn't find him a horse costume.

Since all of student ministries dressed according to Toy Story, we tried to get a group shot, but it was sort of a big group. In the pic below the staff families are in front, the army men are right behind us, the red group of people on the right are the barrel of monkeys, the white group in the middle are Bo Peep's sheep, and most of the rest on the left and in the back are either aliens or mutant toys. So goofy & fun.

And here's a shot of just the staff families: Jarrett was Buzz, Chanika was a Mattel toy (Made in China because she's Asian), and Kaiya & Konli were Slink; Matt, Martha, and Levi were Woody, Jessi, & Bullseye; Nic, Kassie, and Karis were Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head and a Tater Tot; and I'm not totally sure what the three interns on the right were dressed as.

What? That's still not a close enough look at the ridiculousness? Okay, here's a shot of the wives. I love these girls. I also think it's hilarious that Nic & Kassie's heads were inside there potato head hats so you couldn't see their faces at all. Their costumes were so creative.

And our husbands: the crazy fellas who keep our lives interesting.

Precious Moments

2011-10-26T12:27:00.000-05:00

Liam is too much fun right now. Too much fun and too sweet. Here are a few moments from the past couple of days that I want to remember:

On Monday evening, Josh, Liam, and I went out for dinner. Liam and I were both still recovering from missing each other while I was gone for the weekend ... I had come home late Sunday afternoon and then I worked Monday (only for 4 hours, mind you), but we definitely hadn't caught up on all the cuddling we had missed out on. During the middle of dinner, as he was chowing down on his mac and cheese, my little buddy suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him. For the next several minutes he would sit up straight to take a bite, and then lean his head over on my arm, keeping his arm wrapped around mine all the while. I was in heaven.

Yesterday, we were in a thrift store so I could do some last-minute hunting for my costume for our church's fall streetfest, which is tonight. I was digging through a rack of clothes that was next to a mirror, and Liam was perched on my hip. I heard him say "baby!" with a sort of surprised tone in his voice, and looked up to see him looking in the mirror and poking himself in the chest. I don't know if it was the first time he really understood that he is the baby he sees in the mirror, or if it had just dawned on him that he is much smaller than he realized; but some sort of lightbulb came on and it was adorable to see how excited he was. I responded, "yes, you're my baby." He spent the rest of our time in the store tapping himself on the chest, saying, "my baby", much to the delight of the elderly ladies who run the shop. It occurred to me pretty quickly that since we would love to have another child soon I probably shouldn't get him into the habit of calling himself my baby, so I switched to telling him that he is my "big boy". Now when I ask, "where is my big boy?", he immediately gets a huge grin on his face and points to himself. He is so big.

Finally, when he was supposed to be napping yesterday afternoon, I started hearing his little voice come over the monitor. I turned it up so I could hear what he was saying and I realized he was clapping his hands and saying, "Go! Baseball! Go!"

And I couldn't agree more. I'm sure if he could say more words he would be joining Josh and I tonight in saying, "Go! Cardinals! Go!"

Girls Weekend & Goals Update

2011-10-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

I love my little family SO much. I am quite content to spend the huge majority of my time with my son and husband. This is probably why, in the 5 years I have been married, I have never left for a girl's weekend with friends. Never, that is, until this weekend.

One of my dear friends, Becky, turned 30 today; and her request for her birthday was for a few of her friends to head to Orlando with her for the weekend. On Thursday evening Becky, Sally & I got on an Orlando-bound flight and met up with Sally's sister, Kim when we arrived at our condo. It was such a fun weekend. I've known all 3 of these girls since grade school, when we all performed in church musical productions and babysat in the nursery together. Even though I wasn't close friends with them until we were all older, I have always enjoyed and admired each of them, and it was such a treat to get to spend 3 days together. It should be noted that we all really missed our friend, Ginny, who we wished could have been in attendance; but she's been really busy doing things like meeting her sweet daughter, Lena, in Ukraine. And that is definitely an amazing reason to miss a girl's weekend.

We didn't take too many pics of the weekend, as we were too busy sleeping in, outlet mall shopping, laying by the pool, and eating to bother with cameras. (Sort of reminds me of my trip to Cancun with Josh ... I promise all my vacations aren't so lazy, just the ones that don't involve my tiny child waking me before dawn).

Me (with glowing eyes), Becky, Sally, & Kim

It was so fun to get to relax with sweet, laid back gals who love Jesus and just talk for hours. Thanks, Becky, for wanting a birthday gift that was really a gift for all of us.

12x2012

I think I should do a weekly update on my goals to help keep me motivated. So, here's the hard, cold truth:
1. I did not read my Bible over the weekend. I was gone, forgot to pack it, and was lazy. I followed through on the other 4 days of the week, though.
2. final fabric came in for quilt, but no work was done.
3. no progress on piles
4. no progress on winter wreath, but Becky & I decided we will make them together
5. I read a couple of chapters in Don't Make me Count to Three
6. I printed off the registration form for the exam and filled it out
7. We had a WILD playdate at our house with Bryson, Joel, Rocky, Fischer, and Lilly and their mamas last Tuesday
8. no progress on Christmas stockings
9. I washed about half of the windows before we left - the ones that had blinds installed on them while I was gone
10. no progress on pallet seating
11. no running. at all. whoops.
12. no progress on Liam's book

Not horrible, considering I was out of town for several days, but I need to get in gear if I'm going to get half this stuff finished. My goal for this week is to be more faithful with numbers 1 & 11, and to complete numbers 6 & 9.

12 by 2012

2011-10-16T22:44:00.000-05:00

Almost 5 months ago I posted a list of projects I wanted to finish. At this point, I had forgotten about the list, but this evening I was reminded of it when I was checking up on a blog I enjoy and I saw this challenge:

The challenge is to choose 12 goals to accomplish before we roll over into the year 2012 - you can read more about it on Hello, Friend, here. I decided to participate because deadlines are a very helpful to for me (ie, I tend to procrastinate so I NEED them). Additionally, Josh and I have been particularly productive around the house over the past few weeks, so maybe this challenge will help me keep that momentum as we head into the winter months.

So, before I set my 12 goals for the next 11 weeks, I went back and reviewed the goals I set in June:

Canvas painting - finished for a friend's nursery in June
Baby quilt - I finished my 1st in September! You can see it here.
Study closet - This closet was a hot mess of china, serving dishes, boxes I hadn't gone through since we moved, and craft stuff. At the end of September I got it completely organized and it is WONDERFUL. It is a task I was dreading for a long time, and I feel so much better now that it's done.
Liam's one year book - Still haven't finished ... had to just use my $30 credit to get prints so I wouldn't lose it.
PICTURES!!! I'm gonna say this is partially complete, even though it isn't fully finished. I enlarged a framed a bunch of photos for our living room, which is at least progress.
Birthday crown - I still haven't completed my little felt birthday crown, but since Liam won't be 2 until May, it's not a high priority at this point.
Christmas stockings - Uggh, I don't know why I'm having so much trouble getting motivated to finish these. Maybe if I start playing Christmas music soon it will help.

Okay, so I at least accomplished half of my list, and I feel pretty pleased with that, considering that in the last 5 months Josh broke his foot, took sabbatical, and numerous other things have come up. So, what to accomplish with the rest of this year? Let's see:

1. Read Bible daily - I am ashamed to admit that I've really had trouble with being consistent in spending time in the Word lately. We have been so scattered and busy over the past couple of months that I have had a hard time being disciplined and I know I just need to spend more time with Jesus.

2. Finish baby quilt for secret friend - I'm working on quilt #2 right now. I'll be done with the top as soon as my final fabric arrives in the mail. This one has come together MUCH faster than the first, so I'm confident I'll have it done in a couple of weeks.

3. Sort remaining piles/bins in the house - I still have some piles of books & stuff that don't have homes after some rearranging Josh and I did recently, so I need to get them taken care of before they breed, as piles tend to do.

4. Make a Winter wreath - I made a fun fall wreath, per pinterest inspiration; and I already have an idea picked out for the one I'd like to put up after Thanksgiving. Perhaps I'll get it done while we are on vacation with my fam in Destin for Thanksgiving.

5. Finish 2 books - I want to finish reading Don't Make me Count to Three and ... um, I'm not sure which other book I want to finish, but I'll keep you updated.

6. Register for exam - So, there's this exam called the National Counseling Mental Health Counseling Exam (NCMHCE, if you're in a hurry ... and no, I don't know why "counseling" is in the name twice). Anyway, if I would take the exam and pass it, I would be finished with my counseling licensure and supervision - a goal I've been working toward since January 2008. I've been qualified to take this final exam for several months now, but I keep putting off registering for it because there are other things I'd rather do than study for another giant exam.

7. Have at least one playdate a week (when we're home) - Since I'm not in women's Bible study this fall and since Liam spends the days I work with his grandmas instead of childcare, I think I really need to be more proactive in getting him time with kids his age.

8. Finish Christmas stockings - Of course it's back on the list. They'll be on our mantle this December.

9. Wash windows - They are icky and we have finally ordered blinds, so it's the perfect time to have clean windows.

10. Make pallet seating/bed for study - I'm not convinced that Josh and I will get this done by the new year, but we at least need to get started.

11. Run 90 miles - No, not consecutively. Historically, I have HATED running. In the past few weeks, though, I have started making myself run, and I've been delighted to discover that I no longer hate it as much as I used to. Although early morning p90x workouts have been successful for me in the past, it just isn't always reasonable to spend 60-90 minutes working out before Liam wakes up. I'm really trying to build a running habit/positive relationship with running, so I'd love if I could just run 90 miles between now and the new year. That's just a little over 8 miles a week (because so far I run short distances, and SLOWLY), so I think I can do it.

12. Finish Liam's one year book. I seriously need to get this done sometime before his second birthday :)

Okay, so there they are. I think my list is a bit unreasonable since I also have to factor in Christmas shopping, cards & decorating; but I wanted to aim high & see what happens!

September in Review: the Fun Part

2011-10-12T10:47:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in my previous post that my lack of blogging was due to both happy & sad circumstances. I intentionally shared the sad first, so I could hopefully lighten the mood a little by sharing some of the great fun we had in September.

The month started off with a sweet reunion of 5 of the families that moved to Brazil 30 years ago to start a church plant in Fortaleza. Josh's parents lived there for about 7 years, and Josh and his sister Heather were both born there. I had previously met one of the families, but it was so fun to get to meet 3 of the others that I have heard so much about, and I think all of us "kids" that were in attendance loved hearing the former missionaries reminisce about the ways the Lord provided for them as they worked to raise a young church and young families in another culture (we also loved/cringed at the hilarious/awkward stories parents always seem to have on hand).

The Jenks, Copelands, Lawsons, & Chisholms; together again.

At the end of the reunion weekend, we spent Labor Day driving down to Dallas so we could catch an early Tuesday morning flight to Cancun! Even though we had left Liam with Josh's parents a couple of weeks earlier so we could go to the Dispatch concert in St. Louis, this was our first actual trip without the little buddy. We had gotten a great deal on 3 nights at an all-inclusive and decided to use it to kick-off Josh's sabbatical. The weather was wonderful, the resort was pretty quiet, and we were so relaxed and lazy that we only took TWO pictures during the 4 days we were there. I think it was too much work to move our arms to lift a camera :) Anyway, here they are, for your viewing pleasure:

Ahhh, the beach.

Ahhh, delicious food.

Two days after we got home from our Mexican get-away, I had the honor of helping hostess a sip and see for one of my friends/former cell group girls. Kayla moved to our area when she was a senior in high school and was part of the small group I led that year. I felt an instant bond with her, and was blessed to become even better friends with her during her college years at the U of A. She now lives with her husband and adorable little girl in Colorado, so it was so fun to get to celebrate London while they were in town last month.

Pink & orange party table - so fun to get to plan something girly!

Maryanne, Kevie, Me & Kayla (former cell group girls, all grown up!)

For Josh's second week of sabbatical we had considered going to the beach again with Liam, or perhaps heading to Little Rock & Kansas City to visit some friends; but we decided it would be more relaxing to just stay home and plan fun little day trips as a family.

not a trip, but fun hanging out with Daddy next to the new firepit

One of our outings was to the nearby animal "safari". Josh and I had both gone ~~years~~ decades ago, and it was so fun to take Liam to see all the animals. We thought he'd love the monkeys, but in true little kid fashion, he got the most excited about animals we could see for free anytime. Like this calf (Liam's Papa has dozens of cows):

Or like these kittens (we don't have cats, but if I had known they'd get this response, I would have been taking him to the pet store weekly).

We also took our first family hike of the fall, and Liam got to ride in comfort in the new backpack carrier. I love this picture because it's so fun to see how much has changed since our first family hike last fall.

Lawson fam, fall 2011

Lawson fam, fall 2010

No family hike is complete without Jack in attendance, and for him, no hike is complete without getting super muddy and then shaking all over us. He, of course, was not disappointed.

Jack & Liam doing some exploring of their own.

The last week of Josh's sabbatical was, sadly, the week I miscarried, but even in that we saw God's gracious hand. I'm so glad Josh was able to be home with us that week: partly so he could help out with Liam, but mostly so we could just have more time as a family to process and rest. Oh, and so we could be refreshed by laughing at the antics of our little performer:

because every one year old needs a trucker hat

and because in Liam's mind there is no such thing as a neutral face - he is ALWAYS animated.

The Baby in the Sky

2011-10-11T14:14:00.001-05:00

I haven't blogged in a long time ... partly because the past month has been busy and a lot of fun, and partly because it has been sad and difficult.

On Friday, September 16, I took a pregnancy test and found out, much to my delight, that it was positive! Since I work on Fridays I left for the office like I normally do, and then during a break between clients I ran to Target, picked up a shirt for Liam, and came home to let my little buddy help me tell Josh the good news.

Josh and I were both shocked and excited - it had taken quite a while to get pregnant with Liam, but God blessed us with this little life much more quickly than we had expected. Over the weekend we had the chance to tell our families the happy news, but when I woke up the morning of Monday, the 19th, something seemed a little off. The pregnancy symptoms that had already been very apparent to me for about a week had suddenly subsided. Just a few hours later it became obvious that God had already taken this new life back to Himself and that I was miscarrying.

I was only about 4 weeks along, so nothing was even visible yet on an ultrasound and my body recovered very quickly ... by the end of the week I felt as if I had never even been pregnant. While it was a mercy that the miscarriage happened early on, Josh and I were both so sad that we won't be able to hold and cuddle and know this little one the way we do Liam. Even though there was certainly no way to know the baby's gender, we had both hoped it might be a little brother for Liam; so Josh suggested that we give the baby the name Samuel, because Samuel was only with his parents for a little while before he went to live in the temple. Josh's name suggestion fit perfectly with the Scripture that I had been meditating on during the days I was miscarrying: "Blessed is the one you choose and bring near, to dwell in your courts!" (Psalm 65:4a) It comforted my heart so much to think about God creating a life and then allowing it to bypass the pain and trials of this world ... a little life He chose to bring near, to dwell in His courts. What a blessed one.

Another major source of comfort during that particularly difficult week was my sweet Liam. Ever since Liam was a newborn I have been burdened to pray that he would have a compassionate heart. I think God has let me know that compassion is an important part of how my little man will show the love of Jesus to the world, so I pray daily that the Holy Spirit will develop that trait in Him. In the 16 months I had spent praying these prayers for him, it never occurred to me that at some point I might be the recipient of his compassion. All week long Liam loved on me far more than he ever has before. He was generous with his precious kisses and at night, when I would rock him, he would stroke and pat my arms. It was such a gift to be comforted by my child.

The Sunday after the miscarriage, Josh, Liam & I went down to one of our favorite spots to take walks, next to a nearby creek, to say goodbye to little Samuel and to read his verse. It was a sweet time of closure for our family, and I'm so thankful we took the time to celebrate this gift that we barely even knew we had.

More kisses from my sweetie during Samuel's goodbye

I don't know what the Lord has in store for our family in the future, but I am so thankful for the two children He has given us already: the one we marvel over as we watch him grow, and the one we look forward to meeting someday. In the meantime, we trust Him and our hearts are filled every time we go on a walk and Liam points to the sky and says, "baby, baby" (which he has taken to doing lately, completely unprompted by either Josh or me).

Making Memories

2011-09-15T14:11:00.001-05:00

Josh is a little over halfway through his 3 weeks of sabbatical/vacation and, thankfully, we've been so busy having fun that sitting at the computer to record it all hasn't been very high on the priority list. Since my last post, when we had just returned from the Dispatch concert, we have ...

spent a weekend with Josh's family and three other families who were on their church planting team in Brazil to celebrate the 30th anniversary of when they all moved there
relaxed in Cancun for four days - sans our son
had a sweet and wonderful girls night to celebrate and pray for a dear friends' upcoming adoption
hosted a Sip & See for one of my former cell group girls who now lives in Colorado and brought her precious 7 week old, London, to Arkansas for a visit
explored the Gentry safari
enjoyed our first fall hike
reunited with friends & church kiddos at our first community group & cell group of the year

It's been a busy 2 weeks, but they've been awesome! Each of these events deserves it's own post, complete with pictures, which will come. For today, though, I just wanted to celebrate yesterday's completion of a project that has been consuming my evenings for the past two weeks.

My first baby quilt!

(Warning: what follows is way more detail than anyone will want to read about quilt-making, but the way I approached doing this for the first time was so ridiculous that I want to remember it so I can continue to laugh at myself later).

I have been thinking about wanting to learn to quilt for a while, now, mostly because I LOVE looking at fun fabrics and it seemed like a way to make fabric perusing a productive activity. I also love giving handmade gifts and was inspired the couple of times I saw friends receive handmade baby quilts at showers. So, back in March-ish I decided to just dive in and learn how to make a quilt.

But first I had to learn how to use my sewing machine.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if you've never completed an unsupervised-by-your-mother sewing project before, you might want to start with something that has fewer than the gazillion steps involved in quilt-making; but if you share my habit of biting off more than you can chew and calling it fun, then go for it!

I decided to make a quilt for little London, whose Sip & See I mentioned above. I knew her sweet mommy was decorating her nursery in orange and fuschia, so armed with color inspiration and a simple quilt pattern I found here, I started with the really fun part - picking out fabrics. I bought all of my orange fabrics in a charm pack that I found on Etsy (a charm is a 5x5 square of fabric & you can buy packs of them precut, which gives you a good variety & saves time cutting ... don't be impressed, I knew nothing of this quilting lingo until about 6 months ago). Then I found my pink fabrics at our downtown quilting shop, The Rabbit's Lair, and at Hobby Lobby. I bought my backing, binding, batting, and the tan fabric on the front of the quilt at Hobby Lobby as well (in addition to all the needles, thread, cutting mats and rotary cutters that I came to learn I would need as I went on).

I worked sort of haphazardly on the quilt front during the spring, hoping to have the blanket finished in time for London's baby shower in May, but then we had to cancel the shower because Kayla couldn't travel; and then Josh broke his foot, so the quilt got put on the back burner (or off the stove) for a couple of months. About the middle of August I realized that we were less than a month from London's rescheduled celebration, so I finally got busy working on the quilt again. If I had known what I was doing, this project probably would have taken a week, at max. BUT, I did not. Once I got past the "easy" part of piecing and sewing the quilt front, I had to painstakingly research how to do every step. I mean EVERY step.

"How do you make a quilt sandwich?" Google. "What is a darning foot?" Google. "How do you change out the pressure foot on my sewing machine?" Browse the 1968 manual to my grandmother's Montomery Ward sewing machine. "How do I thread the bobbin, again?" See manual. "How do you free-motion quilt?" Google. Youtube. Google again. Youtube again. "What? I have to make binding? How do I do that?" Google. "Should I attach the binding by hand or machine?" Google. Call mom.

I didn't quite keep track, but I'm pretty sure that researching how to make the quilt probably took as long as actually making the quilt. Needless to say, if you're ever thinking of learning to quilt and need some good online resources, I can help you out.

I also wasted a fair amount of time driving to Hobby Lobby over and over again. I had so little faith that I would actually complete this project or that I wouldn't totally ruin it, that I only bought what was needed for the next step. No sense in spending money on what you need four steps down the road if you're going to crash and burn before then.

However, much to my delight, I did not crash and burn. I finished it! It is SO imperfect - it is by NO means a perfect rectangle (sort of a wavy one) and all the way up until a few hours before I gave it to Kayla yesterday, I was "fixing" little places where I had missed a bit of the quilt top when I was binding it. BUT, I loved working on it and I was so happy to give precious London a gift I had spent so much time thinking about.

And, now that I know how to do it, I feel a little addicted ... much to the dismay of my husband who has been calling me his 85-year-old wife, as I've spent so much time quilting (and cross-stitching, but that's another story). I know I won't have time to do this for everyone I know who has a baby, but when I get the chance I will love it. In fact, last night I ordered some fabric for my next one .... shhh, don't tell Josh!

Hold My Hand, Just One More Time

2011-09-04T23:33:00.004-05:00

The cold January night in 2005 when my sweet husband asked me to be his girlfriend, we sat in his little Acura and talked about our relationship while the song, Elias, by Dispatch, jammed over the speakers.

Ten and a half months later, Josh drove south on I-540 with Elias on repeat, celebrating having received my parents' blessing to ask me to be his wife.

When we were choosing our wedding music we realized that Elias had sort of become "our song". Perhaps a bit less romantic than "The Way You Look Tonight" or something along those lines; but then again ... isn't real romance found in the unique blending of who you and your love are, instead of in some shrink-wrapped ideal that you can grab off the shelf at Hallmark? Anyway, Elias it was, and so, after we had said our vows and exchanged our rings, we took our first steps into our life as the Lawsons with the djembe and bongos setting our pace.

Fast forward five years and two months. I am standing in a crowded little venue, the Pageant, in St. Louis. My husband is trying to shield me from the flailing elbows of moshing frat boys and I'm wondering how it is that I'm surrounded by so many other concert attendees that do not have the "over-21-stamp" on their right hands. I'm realizing that when this band called a hiatus in 2002, these kids couldn't have been any older than 11. I feel old. Actually, I feel seasoned ... I love that for the past seven years (since Josh introduced me to Dispatch) this music has provided a significant part of the soundtrack to our relationship.

They play all the best songs. They play some new ones, too, and the story behind one of them makes me cry. It is the most fun I have ever had at a concert and I feel so lucky that we are there, just 10-15 feet from the stage where Brad, Pete, & Chad look like they are having a pretty good time, too. It is the best way we could celebrate our 5th anniversary (2 months later).

And just in case you haven't had the opportunity to hear "our song", I give you, Elias (there's probably a better way to embed songs, but I don't feel like taking the time to figure it out right now):

Elias by DISPATCH

A Very Pinterest Birthday

2011-08-29T21:58:00.000-05:00

I love my sister. She is such a beauty, inside and out. I know that's cliche, but it is so true of Abbie. She LOVES Jesus, her family, the kiddos she has nannied for since she was in high school, and the high school girls whose Bible study she leads. She has tons of enthusiasm and people are drawn to her. She is also very fashionable and darling ... I'm always observing her hair/make-up/clothing choices and hoping some of her fashion sense will rub off on me. She's really the best little sister anyone could ask for.

Last Friday she turned 20, which means that we're finally in the same decade again (only for 14 months, but I will be enjoying the fact that we are both in our 20s while it lasts)! This year instead of buying her a gift I decided that she, my mom, and I should celebrate by spending a day together making stuff for the house she just moved into, where she'll be living until she graduates from college in 2013. Since Abbie & I both have a pretty intense love for Pinterest, I asked her to pick out her favorite project ideas; and then between my mom and I we bought/scrounged up the needed materials for our Pinterest party.

Since Josh was gone at a family camp this weekend, Saturday was the perfect time for my mom and sis to come spend the day/night with Liam and I. After running to Hobby Lobby for the few materials I needed Abbie to pick out (yarn & fabric), we settled in to make the presents (I can't think about making presents without hearing Monica from The One With Unagi: "make the presents, MAKE the presents" ... that reference is for Kristina & Kim.).

Abbie got right to work painting the tree for her button tree. This photo was her inspiration:

Source

And here is her finished product:

In the meantime my mom cut sheet metal, painted a picture frame, and spray painted old medicine bottles for the magnetic make-up board. Again, the muse for the project:

Source

And what we ended up with ....

Personally, I think Abbie's is way cuter. Such fun fabric!

And what was I working on, you might ask? I spent most of the day trying to figure out how to wrap cardboard numbers in yarn. Abbie had found this cute pic:

Source

And since she couldn't think of a word that she would necessarily want displayed in her house, we decided to do her street number: 1445. I now understand why whomever made the above yarn-art installment chose letters, because it was pretty tricky to keep the yarn from sliding off of the slopes and curves of 4s and 5s. It may have taken a long time and a LOT of yarn, but I think they ended up being pretty cute:

I'm so thankful that my mom, sis, and I have such sweet relationships with each other, and that all three of us love to create/craft/make things. What a great way to celebrate. Happy birthday, Abbie!

Sunny Days

2011-08-25T22:42:00.001-05:00

So, this little man and I have been having a LOT of fun lately. At the beginning of last week we found out he had a double ear infection, but ever since he got through the first couple of days of antibiotics, he has been feeling great and we've been living it up! I've also been really motivated to work on fun crafty projects, so my house is sort of a wreck, but it's been delightful.

It all started with these little crazy flowers I made out of stryrofoam balls & q-tips. After I finished dyeing them orange I really couldn't decide if I liked them or not for a few days, but I finally decided they could stay on the mantle ... I've been needing some orange accents to go with the giant orange curtains that are hanging in the living room, anyway. So then I had to change out most of the other stuff I had on the mantle because it clashed with the crazy flowers, but that motivated me to paint some picture frames white so I could display a few of Liam's sweet one year photos. I love it.

Another project I worked on over the course of several nights this week was zebra-striping some letters for a friend of mine. She is getting ready to redecorate her little girl's room (moving up from a nursery to a "big girl" room) and she's using zebra accents. Since I'm not much of an animal print girl, myself, it was kind of fun to work on the sort of project that I'd never do for myself. While I can't see zebra fitting in anywhere in my home, it was fun to paint & I think it looked cute (I did "Wild" & "Lilly").

Liam is becoming more and more interested in "helping" me with whatever I'm working on, so this Tuesday when I was making some treats for community group I was happy to let him smash graham crackers into crumbs with his little wooden hammer. Here he is, very pleased with his work:

And, just one more random story from our week ... Today we had lunch with a couple of friends from our community group on the patio of a sweet little tea room that is located next to a creek and a sort of a green space (I promise, that is relevant). After our lunch arrived, it started occurring to me that Liam was throwing his food on the ground (which he normally doesn't do until the end of the meal), and that he was making the "barking" noise he makes when he sees a dog. My mom brain finally kicked in and I looked down to try to figure out what had caught his attention, and this is what I saw:

Yep. A baby raccoon. Liam was throwing his food down to a baby raccoon, and was barking at it because I haven't gotten around to teaching him how to make raccoon noises yet :) The little fellow must have somehow gotten separated from his mom and made himself at home in the bushes next to our table. He spent the rest of our meal napping next to my feet and feasting on grilled cheese and grapes. Aside from my brief concern that he might bite my toes and give me rabies, it was a fun surprise and a great way to keep my son entertained through lunch!

The Grace of Mundanity

2011-08-17T14:16:00.000-05:00

"This is notthe wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice." - James 3:15-16

Selfish ambition.

The soil of each heart has particular species of weeds that are native to it. These invasive life-killlers need no encouragement to flourish. Rather, their demise requires a watchful eye and a fierce determination, which also will also fail, if not empowered by the Holy Spirit. Selfish ambition is one of those weeds that is native to my own heart. It springs up frequently and unexpectedly - it seems that anything can trigger its growth in my soul.

I hear about a peer starting work on their Ph.D. and the weed says, "you're falling behind, you'll miss out on opportunities, people will seek them out and not you."

I enter a new situation and the weed reaches out its tendrils toward whomever it perceives to be in authority or an influencer and it whispers, "gain their respect & favor, it will be good for you."

I hear praise being spoken about another in regard to something that I think I excel in and the weed cuts my heart with its jealous roots, "why don't they notice me? I am good at that, too."

I am given some sort of opportunity to lead or teach or somehow showcase something I think I excel in and the arrogant blossom of ambition bursts open, "they are going to affirm me and tell me I'm gifted at this. They are going to think highly of me."

It's a nasty intruder and I hate that my heart so easily harbors it. When left unchecked, it certainly does create disorder, as James 3:16 states. If I'm not sensitive to the Holy Spirit's conviction in killing off this weed as soon as it shoots up, it completely kills off the peace in my heart and leaves me with anxiety, frustration, and a sort of spiritual blindness toward others where I lose all ability to see them even remotely close to the way God does. It is NOT pretty.

And this is why making me a mother is one of the most gracious things God has done in my life. I think my junior or senior year is the first time I really noticed the following passage of Scripture:

"But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly beforeoutsiders and be dependent on no one." - 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

I knew then that living out those words - "aspire to live quietly ... mind your own affairs ... work with your hands" - were like the Roundup (or whatever your weedkiller of choice might be) that my soul needs. Becoming a mother, choosing to only work part-time, and choosing not to pursue any further education for now has taken me out of the competitive environments that acted as fertilizer for that ambition weed and has placed me in an atmosphere where I am contented. Sure, changing diapers, folding clothes, and picking up toys isn't flashy, but somehow I can feel these mundane tasks nourishing me. My days at home make me feel both stronger and gentler. It soothes me to know that only God can see much of what I do, because I feel less urgency to perform or meet an unrealistic expectation. I feel at rest.

Before Liam was born I was always trying to figure out timelines and how to not fall behind in my career or academically. Now I thank God that He cares more about my heart reflecting Him than He cares about what I'm capable of accomplishing. I joyfully accept the grace of mundanity to do its work in my soul.

Life at 15 Months

2011-08-14T21:12:00.000-05:00

Well, I am a little bummed out that I missed 2 months worth of updates for Liam this summer so I'm going to attempt to catch up ... sort of.

13 Months
Liam's 13th month started out marvelously with a fun one-year photo shoot with our friend, Will, and a great one-year check-up with sweet Dr. Jackson, our pediatrician. Sadly, the month took a steep dive when Josh broke his foot on Memorial Day. Even though Josh's life became much less active, Liam's level of activity really took off. Since he took his first steps just days before his 1st birthday, the next month was filled with the wide-stance, wobbly joy of freedom. He continued to be a great (and messy) eater, and continued to enjoy a morning bottle in bed with mommy & daddy and a nighttime bottle, usually snuggled in mommy's arms.

14 Months
During Liam's 14th month (June 11- July 11) we really tried to make the best of Josh's foot being broken and I think we did a pretty good job of finding creative ways to enjoy family time. Until the blazing heat of mid-summer moved in, we had some great times in the backyard watching Liam & Jack have fun in the baby pool and the sprinkler. Once we got Josh's super cool knee scooter that his parents graciously rented for him, we were able to expand our horizons a bit and made time for a couple of family picnics at our favorite parks & creeks.
On the 4th of July weekend we were able to spend some time with all of Liam's grandparents at a friend's lakehouse. Aside from a rough night of sleep for Liam (and therefore, me), he had a great time riding on the boat and getting lots of attention from his biggest fans. Speaking of fans of Liam, during his 14th month he also got to be reunited with his great-grandmother, GG, and her husband, Frank, for the first time since Heather's wedding last June. Frank & GG were able to come have dinner with us as they were passing through town and Liam loved them. He was especially eager to play "catch" with Frank.

15 Months
So, that brings us to this past month. It has been HOT, so Liam's outdoor play time has been severely limited, much to his dismay. He is crazy about being outside, and his favorite outdoor activity is the same as his favorite indoor activity - throwing things. He loves throwing balls or frisbees to Jack, throwing rocks, throwing mulch ... you get the picture. Even though it's been a miserably hot and dry summer, it did rain at least once in July and Liam and I took advantage of the opportunity to have his first real playtime in the rain. He loved watching the water gush out of the gutters and stomping his feet in the little stream that ran in the curb of the road. This month Liam also received the super exciting gift of a wooden toolbox & tools from our friends, the Acostas. The little cutie can often be found busily working his way through our living room and kitchen, working on toys, doors, and chairs with his little wooden screwdriver and hammer. Another activity that has become popular with the toddler in our home can best be described as "dress-up". On a daily basis Liam brings me one of several items (bunny ears from Easter, a little red fire helmet from Firehouse Subs, one of Josh's baseball caps, or his red sunglasses) and holds it up to me so I will put it on him. He is usually pretty serious as he toddles around the house in his get-up for the day, but he gets really tickled when I put him in front of a mirror so he can check out his awesomeness. The really big event of the past month was Liam's first trip to the beach, which you can read about here.

Developmentally, this month has been so fun ... and busy. Liam's language skills are really starting to take off. He has started mimicking words much more often, and uses quite a few words appropriately and on a regular basis. "Mama", "Dada", "Nana" (my mom), "Papa" (Josh's dad - our other parents have names that are harder to say), "Jack", "done" (at the end of meals), "ball", "bubble", "bottle", "baby" (yes, we really like "b" words in our house), and "uh-oh" are the most common topics of conversation. Even though he doesn't say any other words very regularly, he talks non-stop and uses lots of hand gestures. In the past week he has started approaching me with lots of serious chatter and pointing off toward another part of the house. It absolutely delights him when I ask him to show me what he's talking about and he loves leading me to other rooms where he can point at things and talk to me about them.
Liam continues to really dislike being dropped off at church, which is unfortunate. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if this child will still be crying when we go to church when he's in 5th grade. He always has fun after I've left, and is very sweet and affectionate to his teachers when I pick him up, so I know he isn't miserable there - parting is just really rough on him. He loves Jack more and more all the time, and currently his favorite game to play with him is hugging his tail until Jack walks off and pulls him over. I'm pretty sure this game annoys Jack to no end, but Liam squeals and laughs harder when he's chasing Jack than he does any other time.
Another great new development this month is that Liam has started enjoying eating fresh fruit. For a long time he was perfectly happy eating pureed fruits, but he didn't tolerate the texture of fresh fruit. Over the past several weeks something has changed, and now he will happily gobble down blueberries, grapes, bananas, and oranges. Now we just need to work on non-pureed veggies and we'll be good to go! He does still take a bottle in the morning and at night. I think he would do okay being weaned off of it, but we've decided to let him keep taking one until after the trips we have planned for this fall. Since we'll be leaving him overnight for the first time on a couple of occasions, we thought it might help if he has that comfort while we're away. We're also hopeful that teething will cease to be an issue soon. In the past couple of months Liam has gotten all 4 of his one year molars in, one of his top eye teeth, and the other has nearly broken through. That will bring him up to a grand total of 14 teeth - way to go little chomper!

Getting a 15 month old to sit ~~still~~ and ~~smile~~ look at the camera for a picture is ridiculously difficult, but at least I was able to get two where he wasn't either blurry or trying to climb out of the chair. And, as a reward for all of you who stuck through this L-O-N-G post, below is a picture of Joe Cool himself: photo shoots can be pretty stressful so after we were done Liam just wanted to kick back in his sunglasses and play a little basketball while reading his Bible. When you're 15 months old you've got to multi-task ... there's a lot to accomplish!

Family Morning

2011-08-13T14:46:00.000-05:00

Liam, this short little post is for you & me & your daddy, because I want us to remember the wonderful little family moments that come our way.

This morning you slept until after 8:30 - THANK YOU! It was amazing to get to sleep in that late! After you got up, Daddy ran to the farmer's market to pick up our lug of vegetables for the week, and you and I cuddled on the couch and watched cartoons while you drank your morning bottle. Then we sat on the living room floor and ate some grapes and cereal bars for breakfast and waited for Daddy to come home.

After Daddy got back from the market, we all got dressed, loaded up the bikes & trailer & water bottles, and drove down to the Coldstone parking lot so we could start our bike ride near the trail system. After we got everything unloaded and hooked up, we buckled you in your trailer and we rode to our favorite park. The weather is SO beautiful today - I think it was just in the high 70's- low 80's while we were out, which is such a nice change from the 100+ temps we've been dealing with. Once we got to the park, you played on the toddler equipment for a while, but we spent most of our time under the shade of the bridge, throwing rocks into the creek.

By the time we left the park and biked back to the car you were exhausted, but you were very sweet and patient while we drove through Sonic so Mommy & Daddy could get some drinks (Daddy definitely deserved a treat after hauling you & your trailer up all of those hills). After a quick lunch at home we read 3 of your favorite books (Where Is Baby's Belly Button, Colors, & Goodnight Moon) and I put you in bed for your nap. Your little t-shirt is so grubby and your legs are dotted with tiny bruises and dirt smudges, but you were far too tired to mess with a bath before your nap. We'll clean you up before church tonight.

You are still sleeping now (it's been well over 2 hours) and once you wake up we'll be busy picking up the house, cleaning you up, and getting both of us ready for church, but I just wanted to take a few minutes to make sure we all remember this morning. And I want you to know you have the best daddy ever - he's so good about taking us on adventures. We love you!

Beach Trip Numero Uno

2011-08-11T23:18:00.000-05:00

Last week our little family ventured down to Gulf Shores for a few days of r&r (ha ha ... that's just a little parent-of-a-toddler sarcasm) at the beach. Josh and I were super excited to introduce Liam to the beach for the first time, and even though we knew our time wouldn't be quite as chill as vacations used to be, we anticipated lots of good family time. We began our journey last Tuesday night & drove to Josh's grandparents' house in northeast Mississippi, where we met up with his parents. All of Josh's dad's side of the family lives in Mississippi and we hadn't seen any of them since Josh's sister's wedding last summer. Liam LOVED Papaw & Mamaw (Josh's grandparents) and it was so sweet to watch him love on them, even though the last time he saw them he was only 3 weeks old.

4 Generations of Lawson men, summer 2011

The 4 generation pic from last year - look how much Tiny has grown!

After a day and a half "on the hill" with the Lawson clan, we drove the remaining 6 hours down to the beach. We were SO thankful for our sweet friends who loaned us their headrest dvd player. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would have been to keep Liam happy over the course of nearly 30 hours of driving without the help of VeggieTales and Bob the Builder. Anyway, we finally made it to our condo late Thursday afternoon, and later that night we were joined by Josh's sister and her husband. Here are just a few pics from the trip for your enjoyment:

Little man in his new swim trunks & swim shoes, ready to hit the beach for the 1st time

He was fascinated with the waves

Whether at home or at the beach, banging tools on surfaces is always a favorite activity

Chillin' in the shade in his pool

1st Waterslide!

Beach Highlights:

Playing with Aunt Heather & Uncle Kyle - I wish Liam got to see these two more often, but he had a great time playing & flirting with them.
Inflatable pool & pop-up sunshade - Our time on the sand was WAY more enjoyable than it would have been if we hadn't had these with us. Liam did fine walking on the sand, but he wasn't a huge fan of getting it on his hands, so it was nice having a less sandy spot he could play in.
EARLY morning beignet run ... more on that, later.
Watching our little man experience so many new things - he "talked" non-stop about the seagulls, para-sailing boats, kids around us, etc. It was fun to see how entertained he was by his surrounding.

Beach Bummers:

On the first day at the condo Liam fell over the lip of the sliding glass door and got a HUGE bruise on his precious little thigh. Made my mama-heart sad every time I saw it.
EARLY mornings: While in Alabama Liam started our days by 4:45 pretty much every morning. This was most unpleasant, but one morning as Josh and I attempted to keep him quiet & entertained so he wouldn't wake everyone else, we left and found a little hole-in-the-wall beignet shop where we ate breakfast. When life hands you pre-dawn mornings, eat beignets. It's a sweet little family memory.

Aside from the nasty bruise & sleep deprivation, the trip was fantastic ... made even better by the fact that this was just the first several fun trips that we have planned over the next few months.

quick family pic before dinner the last night

A Place Called Blessing by John Trent with Annette Smith

2011-08-11T21:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, so my next post won't be a book review ... I promise. I read this book, A Place Called Blessing, while we were at the beach last week & I'm anxious to review it so I can get my next free read :) I chose this book because it is the story of a young man who grows up in foster care, and our church is currently experiencing a surge in families who are fostering - some temporarily and many to adopt. While foster care is not a direction that Josh and I are pulled toward at this stage in our lives, we have started talking about getting approved as foster care babysitters so that we can help give our friends who are fostering some date nights and so we can become more involved in these kids' lives.

So, the book ... A Place Called Blessing tells the story of a young man named Josh, whose parents were killed in a car accident when he was very young. He and his brothers are left to deal with a childhood marked by drifting in and out of different foster homes and even further tragedy. I can't lie, by the second or third chapter I was seriously doubting my ability to choose good beach-reading material. Childhood tragedy isn't exactly what you want to think about when you're laying on a beach towel. Thankfully, his life took a few turns for the better as the story went on.

This book was a very easy and quick read, as well as a bit predictable. By about halfway through the book I knew how it was probably going to end, and with the exception of one surprising twist, I was correct. I have already recommended this book to several friends who are in the foster care training/approval process, because I think it will encourage them to dream and pray about the difference that they can make in a child's life. With that said, I probably won't recommend the book to anyone who isn't in that sort of process. The predictability and lack of depth in the story made it hard for me to stay engaged in reading. I sort of wanted to just skim through to see what happened without having to read every page. I appreciated the heart of the book, but it just didn't grab me.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Kabul 24 by Henry O. Arnold & Ben Pearson

2011-08-01T11:29:00.000-05:00

Because when you haven't blogged in almost 8 weeks you should definitely re-engage anyone who reads the blog with a book review. That's what the people want. Okay, I guess I'll give a brief family update from the past 2 months and then explain why I'm talking about this book: As previously mentioned, Josh broke his foot on Memorial Day. I guess that's sort of why I've been MIA in the internet world - when your husband can't walk for 8 weeks & you have a one-year-old who can walk very well, life is a little exhausting. By the time I'd get to finally sit down at night (when I normally blog) I really didn't feel like doing anything that required thought. I am disappointed that in the midst of all the busyness I didn't take Liam's 13 & 14 month pics in his chair, or write posts for either of those months, but I guess he still has a chance at a well-adjusted childhood :) I will make it up to him (I mean myself and his grandmas, because I don't think he cares) with a long and gushy mommy post later on.

Today though, I want to share about this book:

Many months ago I read on my friend Kim's blog about a program, which is now called BookSneeze, that sends bloggers free books in return for reviews on blogs & consumer sites. I love to read & don't mind telling people about what I'm reading, so this sounded like a perfect way to get my hands on some new reading material. So, I signed up, requested my first book, read it ... and then did nothing. I totally forgot to review it and then forgot about the program altogether. I have read so much this summer, though, that I really want to try to get on board with this awesome program. Hence, without further adieu, I give you Kabul 24.

This non-fiction work by Arnold & Pearson tells the story of 8 western aid workers who had made lives in Afghanistan prior to 9/11. Although the workers, both men & women, were very involved in community development and education, they were glad to engage the Afghan nationals on matters of Christian faith when interest was shown. It was through this sort of relationship with a family that the foreigners were trapped when they showed the Jesus film - a betrayal that resulted in their arrest by the Taliban.

Although this book wasn't necessarily a dramatic page-turner; I found it hard to put down as I read the personal accounts of how these men and women sought to honor the Lord and wait patiently during their weeks of captivity. It was fascinating to read about the ways the workers would encourage one another and seek the Lord for courage and strength while under the watchful eye of a harsh regime. I have always been drawn to missionary biographies and autobiographies, and while this book was focused more on a short window of experience, rather than a life story, it had the same effect of building my own faith.

I don't think I'd recommend this book if you're just looking for a fun, easy read or if you're wanting something that will really get your adrenalin flowing; but if you have an interest in missions or learning more about this part of the world, you'll be pleased with what you glean from Kabul 24.

And if reading a book review wasn't your cup of tea, stay tuned for some mommy gushing sometime soon!

Grilled Cabbage

2011-06-08T20:33:00.000-05:00

Another post about food! I never blog about food, but here I am, apparently very inspired by the fresh tastes of summer. This summer Josh and I decided to go in with our friends, the Bogues, and buy a "harvest share subscription" from a local farm. There is a non-profit in our community called The Cobblestone Project, whose dream is to, "work towards 'A Community Without Need.'" One of the ways they are pursuing this goal is through an initiative called "the Farm". At the Farm they grow a wide range of produce, both to sell and to give away. This year they sold share subscriptions to help fund the costs of growing the produce they give to local shelters and individual families.

That long explanation is just to say that, as of two weeks ago, I now head to the Bentonville farmer's market every Saturday morning to pick up our lug of produce for the week. I have really enjoyed the challenge of using what we receive in the lug, which so far has consisted of lettuce, spring onions, broccoli, new potatoes, & cabbage. When we got our head of cabbage this week, I was a little mystified as to what to do with it. Cabbage always feels like a fall/winter vegetable to me. It makes me think of hearty soups or an accompaniment to sausages. I know coleslaw is summery, but I didn't really feel like slathering the cabbage in all that oil & dressing.

Photo by: Taste of Home

So, to help me brainstorm I turned to good ol' allrecipes.com and found an idea that had never occurred to me before: grilling cabbage. The recipe that you'll find at that link was my inspiration, but here's what I did:

Sliced the cabbage into wedges and arranged on a large piece of foil
Placed a small pat of margarine on each wedge, then seasoned them all with a few shakes of Tony Chachere's creole seasoning.
Sealed the foil and placed on a preheated grill (I left them on about 20-25 minutes because they were fairly thin wedges, and just flipped the foil packet once).

I think I can safely say that this is my favorite way I have ever eaten cabbage. I prepared half of a head, and Josh and I ate all of it with our dinner tonight. I plan on using this method every time we get cabbage in our lug this summer, and it will encourage me to buy it more often in the future. I'm sure it would be just as tasty with any other seasonings (Cavender's, salt & pepper, etc.), and a big benefit to grilling it outside is that our house wasn't permeated with the strong scent of cooking cabbage. I hope you give it a try - it's excellent!

Delish

2011-06-07T22:45:00.000-05:00

(Disclaimer: this post would be more visually interesting if I took a picture of what I'm about to write about, but I really can't be bothered with that. Caring for a one-year-old and a husband with a broken foot kills my motivation to photograph my food, transfer it onto the computer, and then upload it. You'll just have to use your imagination).

I have to tell y'all about THE. BEST. SNACK/LUNCH. EVER. Seriously, I could eat this tasty treat every day (possibly even twice) and not get sick of it. A couple of months ago, when my friend, Kristen, was in town visiting her mom, Liam & I went to have lunch with she and her little girl, Eisley. Kristen introduced me to this yummy-ness that she and her husband invented; and now I would like to introduce it to you.

Peppered Apple, Goat Cheese & Salami stacks

Ingredients:

Apple (preferably a sweeter variety - I like the pink lady)
Goat cheese
Salami (I use hard salami, sliced not too thin, not too thick)
Cracked black pepper

Yep, the name that I made up for it describes exactly what is in it, as well as how it is assembled. I don't think you could really call this a recipe ... it's just a list of a few ingredients that taste amazing together. All you do is slice the apple into fairly thin slices (not paper thin - you want crunch, but you don't want the apple flavor to overpower the other flavors), smear some goat cheese on the slices, crack pepper over the cheese, and top with little slices of salami.

It is perfection. The sweetness & crunch from the apple, the tangy creaminess of the goat cheese, the bite of the pepper, & the full flavor of the salami ... it's fantastic.

The only catch is that you have to like apples, goat cheese, salami & cracked pepper. If you do not like any one of these ingredients, you will not like the end result. Josh thinks it's gross. I think it's life-changing.

Confession

2011-06-06T15:10:00.000-05:00

When I meet a new person and they tell me that they really like to read, I get very excited. I think, "that's awesome, I really like to read, too. Maybe we will be good friends who talk about books." If they proceed to tell me that they like to read a genre of writing that I do not enjoy or find interesting, a part of me becomes very disappointed. Not that I don't want to be friends with the new person anymore, I just get bummed out that we won't share that interest.

I imagine that it is how a person who really enjoys playing golf would feel if they heard my husband say he likes playing golf ... disc golf.

I have no idea what made me think about this today, just a thought.

Fussy Hearts

2011-06-04T22:43:00.000-05:00

Tonight it occurred to me that when I "sigh" (expel my breath WAY louder than necessary - you know, in a huffy sort of way), I am essentially doing the same thing Liam is doing when he throws a mini-tantrum over circumstances he doesn't like.

Clearly, it is not acceptable in the adult world for me to walk around with that sort of look plastered all over my face, but all too often I express the same sentiment. Huffy breaths may not ostracize me from the world of grown-ups, but I'm pretty sure that God is less concerned with whether or not people want to be friends with me and more concerned about the state of my heart.

It's the same root of selfish, independent, me-ness that resides in my son's tiny heart that also rears it's ugly head in my own heart. I know there are some differences ... he is 1 and I am 28; he only knows that Jesus is someone we talk to a few times a day, followed by saying, "may-meh" (amen), and I have known Jesus as my Savior for over two decades. But still, that root of self, that steely core that I feel rising up in my chest when I don't like what's going on around me or what I need to do, it's the same in both of us.

I may be a therapist, but I don't want a coping skill.

I don't want to passive-aggressively roll my eyes and huff.

I don't want to gripe.

I don't want to sting people with snarky sarcasm.

I don't want to just swallow it and pretend like I'm a martyr.

When life isn't going my way, I don't want to do any of those things. I want my heart to bow in submission and acknowledge that there is no reason life should ever go my way because, after all, it isn't even my life. I want to put to death that rebellious root of self that whispers the lies that I should never be inconvenienced or uncomfortable or unhappy. If I'm ever going to help my son learn that his life also isn't about him, I need the Holy Spirit to continue sanctifying this area of my life.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.

The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave

Himself for me."

Galatians 2:20

Now You See It, Now You Don't

2011-06-04T12:05:00.000-05:00

I'm working on making some changes to the ol' blog this weekend. I'm not very good at doing things like this in a timely manner, so if you look at the blog more than once over the next few days, chances are good it will look incomplete or just different every time you see it. You've been warned.

Recent Reading

2011-06-03T22:10:00.000-05:00

When the air-conditioning at your house hasn't been working all week, you spend a lot of time after the sun goes down going in and out of your house, trying to find the exact moment when the outside air has finally gotten cooler than the inside air so you can open your windows & hopefully get some relief. Prior to this glorious moment, it is unwise to do chores involving heat, such as washing dishes or ironing clothes. At least that has been my experience this week.

So, I sit here, instead of making things worse by trying to work. I'd watch a movie, but the movie I picked up at Redbox today was intended to be watched while ironing, so I kind of hate to use the entertainment up now. Josh was able to get off the couch & out of the house for a bit tonight, to go see the new X-Men movie with a friend; so it's just me, Liam sleeping in just a diaper, and poor Jack, who probably wishes we would shave him.

I spent some time this evening reading the first couple chapters of Beth Moore's book, Believing God. I'm glad I finally remembered to pick it up at the bookstore today, since I'm attending a book discussion about it in just a couple of weeks. It's kind of nice to have a deadline for finishing a book, since I tend to get excited about too many books at once and then have trouble finishing them because I have 6 or 7 in a heap on my nightstand.

Anyway, back in March I wrote a little post on what I was reading at that time and I thought I'd update with the more recent reads. Sadly, I have not yet finished At Home or 50 People Every Christian Should Know. They are still on the nightstand, so there is still hope. Since they are both a teensy bit tedious it may take awhile, but I'll wade through them eventually. I did, however, complete the Beth Moore study, Living Beyond Yourself, and it was excellent. It was so full of rich truths and new insights that I really need to slowly re-read the study guide and my notes at some point - the saturation point of my brain and heart was definitely maxed out long before the study ended. Gratefully, I do believe that the Word of God does not return void, and so I know the Holy Spirit will use that time spent in study in my life, even if I don't remember everything I learned.

A few nights ago, I also finished reading Dr. James Dobson's book, Bringing up Boys.

Source

This book has been around for awhile and I was excited to see what sort of "practical advice and encouragement for those shaping the next generation of men" it might offer me, as it's subtitle suggests. I enjoyed the book, agreed with much of what Dr. Dobson had to say, and it was also a fairly quick read. A lot of the reviews of the book that I read online took issue with Dr. Dobson's conservative views, specifically how he dealt with homosexuality and feminism, and if you have more liberal leanings regarding either of those topics, you will probably take issue with his views, as well. I, however, did not.

It was sort of startling and refreshing to read the words of someone from a different generation than my own: someone who still is willing to claim that there is absolute truth and that God had a really specific idea in mind when he created men, women, and families. I definitely believe these things, but I felt like this book reminded me that I don't have to apologize for it. Anyway, some of the things I enjoyed most about this book were as follows:

Great research - it was so interesting to read the statistics from the different studies he cited throughout the book. The therapist in me appreciated that aspect of his writing (or some might say the nerd in me ... whichever you prefer).
Chapters on sons' relationships with both parents - I really loved getting a look at what Josh and my roles in our relationships with Liam might look like in the future. I will probably have to look back at these chapters when I sense myself wanting to be too clingy or over-involved as Liam gets older.
Warning to protect my children's hearts - Throughout the book Dobson emphasized the God-given responsibility of parents to be aware of that which would attack and wound the tender hearts of their children. I definitely don't want to be a frightened helicopter-parent, but I do want to be vigilant and aware.
Encouragement to honor my husband (& sons) - Prior to reading this book I had thought some, but hadn't really meditated on, the impact my interactions with Josh will have on how Liam (and any other sons we have) interpret what it means to be a man. I was really challenged to spend time in prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to convict me and curb bad habits I have that may be unintentionally undermining who Josh is, as a man.

There were a few things about the book that I wish were a little different (ie, could be pretty tough to read if you're a single mom, lots of focus on the challenges of raising boys but not tons of practical suggestions for how to celebrate sons), but overall I thought it was great and I will definitely encourage friends or clients who are parents of boys to read it.

And what do you know ... the air-conditioning repairman showed up at our house just a bit ago and now gloriously cool air pouring through our vents. Time to pull out the ironing board.

The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly

2011-06-02T22:03:00.000-05:00

It's been quite a week in the Lawson household. First,
The Good ...

Today we got pictures back from our friend/ wonderful photographer, Will Flowers. Will lives in Birmingham now, to be closer to his lovely fiancee, but he was in town for a few days & we got to have a fun one-year-old photo shoot with him. We could not be more pleased with the results!

I wish I could post all 60 pics, but there probably isn't anyone aside from Josh and I (and our parents) who wishes to scroll through 60 pictures of our son. Anyway, if you live in the Birmingham area (or NWA and are willing to wait for photos until sometime Will is in town) you should definitely consider having him take pictures for you (here's his site, just in case you didn't notice the link above: http://flowersphotog.com).

The Bad ...

This has been the first actually hot week of the year - temps pushing 90 in the afternoons - and our air-conditioning isn't working. We called the service company yesterday, and tomorrow morning is the earliest anyone can get here to fix it. Our house is not the most comfortable place to hang out this week.

The Ugly ...

Much to our dismay, on Memorial Day, Josh broke our combined 56 year streak of no broken bones and both dislocated and broke bones in his right foot. He was playing basketball with some guys from our community group and just landed wrong as he was coming back down from a lay-up.

At first he thought he had just sprained it ... since neither of us have ever had a significant injury we really didn't know what to look for. Apparently, if your feet don't really point in the same direction anymore, there's a problem.

The x-ray on the top shows the dislocation, the one on the bottom shows what his foot looked like after the bone was reset.

Currently, Josh's poor foot is in a temporary splint. On Tuesday, he'll go in for a ct scan, and by next Friday we'll know if he's going to have surgery for the one bone that is broken, or if he'll just be put in a plaster cast. Obviously, we are praying for the latter, and we would appreciate it if you would to. It's bad enough that he'll have to be in a cast for most of the summer, we really love it if he didn't have to have surgery on top of it.

So, there you have it: the good, the bad, & the ugly of our week. I am very hopeful that next week will be much more boring (and in a much cooler house).

Unfinished Business

2011-05-24T13:46:00.000-05:00

I think my blogging habits are as irregular as my cooking habits: I don't blog for about 3 weeks, then several times a week, then twice a day, and chances are good I won't write anything again for another month.

BUT, I was inspired to make myself a little to-do list. As I was giving our bedroom a long overdue cleaning today I realized part of the reason it was so messy is because it had become a temporary residence for several unfinished creative projects. I have LOVED that since Liam was born I have had a lot more time for creativity, but I've also gotten a little ahead of myself ... starting a few too many things at once. So, I decided to make myself a list of what I want to finish, um, we'll say by the end of July. I also need to discipline myself to not start NEW projects until I've finished these:

Canvas painting - I'm working on a canvas painting that will be an anchor for a bow holder for a sweet friend's baby girl who is to be born sometime this summer.
Baby quilt - I'm sewing a baby quilt (my first!) for a special, secret person. I'm about 25% finished, so I really need to get moving.
Study closet - I have a new little dresser to organize all of my crafty/creative things into, so I need to get the closet in our study all organized & cleaned up so the dresser will fit.
Liam's one year book - I'm making him a book of pictures from his first year on Shutterfly & I need to finish and order it by June 30 so I get to use my $30 credit I have on their site.
PICTURES!!! The most daunting home decorating task for me is getting pictures on the walls. I've got to do this & then get the ugly gray bins that are full of old frames moved out of our room & into the attic.
Birthday crown - So, I thought it would be fun to make Liam a little crown to wear each year (while he's little & doesn't think it's dumb) on his birthday. I got so busy with getting his party ready that I completely forgot to finish the crown. It should only take 30 or 40 minutes to be finished with it.
Christmas stockings - I didn't finish our family Christmas stockings before the holiday last year, so I definitely want to get it done!

Those are the projects I have started - I'm already tempted to start adding things to the list that I just want to do, but I must make myself finish these first. I'll try to post pics of my projects as I get them done!

Joplin

2011-05-24T09:26:00.000-05:00

"If there be any good prayers to be prayed, let them be prayed now, and not held back.

If there be any good to do, let it be done now, and not held back.

If there be any purity of heart, let it be in this one thing, the desire to abide with Jesus Christ.

If there be any good faith, let it be faithed now, for faith is like a dance:

faith is not only in resignation, faith is joy.

Dance the dance!"

- Soren Kierkegaard


Source

May we pray the prayers we can and do the good that we are equipped to do.

May the residents of Joplin be of good faith and experience later joy.

May we know the power of abiding with Jesus Christ.

30

2011-05-23T21:07:00.000-05:00

For 30 years they have remained faithful to one another, and in doing so have shown the world a glimpse of our Savior's unrelenting commitment to us.

For 30 years they have raised a family, choosing the better way instead of the easy way, and in doing so have shown the world a glimpse of the Father's commitment to lovingly discipline & nurture His sons & daughters.

For 30 years they have given more than they could afford, and in doing so have shown the world that they value a future treasure more than those that are fleeting.

For 30 years they have pursued and spoken Truth, and in doing so have have shown the world that they believe that the Word of God does not return void.

For 30 years they have sought to serve their church and community, and in doing so have shown the world a glimpse of the Son of Man's commitment to serving, rather than being served.

Thanks, mom & dad, for the example you've set for the past 30 years, and here's to 30 more!

Happy Anniversary!

Food for Thought

2011-05-21T15:18:00.000-05:00

I think my blog needs a little break from pictures of Liam. I also think my brain needs a little room to express some thoughts other than "my child is awesome!", "birthday party!", and "look at how cute he is!" I mean, I know moms are supposed to spend a fair amount of time thinking about those things, but it's healthy to explore other ideas every once in a while.

Image

Speaking of healthy, I've been thinking about food a lot lately. I have a very undisciplined relationship with food. I like food. I like (most) healthy food. I like to cook. I am sort of lazy. This combination of traits leads to a rollercoaster approach to eating in our family. In a 2 month span there will generally be a couple of weeks where I do great with meal-planning and cooking, about a week where we sort of try to eat leftovers and come up with things to cook with whatever's around the kitchen but I don't really grocery shop, roughly 2 weeks where we just eat out a ton because I've fallen off the cooking bandwagon and I've lost all motivation to get back on, & then a week or so that just seems like a blur because I've completely lost touch with my kitchen. When I finally get up enough willpower to clean out the fridge, we tend to start the cycle all over again. I've never been really bothered by this cycle before, but now that Liam is eating the food we eat more and more, I feel compelled to become more consistent in our habits.

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like I need to have a perfectly fresh, home-cooked meal on the table every night. We keep up a pretty busy schedule and I know that wouldn't be a very feasible goal for our family. However, I do think things need to change for several reasons:
1. Waste - inconsistent eating habits waste both money and food. We spend more than we should when we eat out a lot, and we also end up wasting lots of food that we have purchased when I'm not consistently making our food. I tend to buy fairly healthy foods, but sadly they do not last forever.
2. Health - It is SO much easier to maintain a healthy diet when you eat at home.
3. Liam/future children - One facet of parenting is helping your kids build healthy habits, and there is a whole array of habits that can be gained by eating good food at home: an appreciation/willingness to eat healthy foods, good table manners, responsibility in setting the table/clearing the table/cleaning the kitchen ... all of these great teaching moments are lost when you have a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants approach to eating.

I know that probably most 28 year-old moms out there are way ahead of me in this regard, but for some reason, discipline in this area has just been something I've struggled with since we've been married. Grad school, busy work schedules, and lack of caring/laziness have all conspired to keep me spinning my wheels when it comes to feeding my family. BUT, I'm ready to change. I've got a few ideas in the works to help me out with this goal.

1. I think that this spring/summer/fall our family is going to go in with another couple and buy into a farmshare with a community farm in our area. That means that every Saturday we will go to the farmer's market & pick up a lug of produce that we will divide between our two families. Therefore, every week I will be given an unknown amount of unknown types of produce that will either be used or wasted. This will at least motivate me to work more produce into our diet.

2. The waste chart. This week I started a waste chart that I posted on the side of our fridge. Every time I throw food away (like, bananas that have gone bad, not the rice someone didn't finish eating off of their plate) I am going to make myself write it down. Anyone who walks in my kitchen can see it, so I think it will be good accountability for me. I really want our family to be committed to good stewardship of the gifts God has given us, so perhaps I can shame myself out of wastefulness :) (note: not a tactic I plan on using in training my children - I'm a big girl, though, and I can handle it).

3. Building a meal base. While I do have several recipes that I make at least once a month, I feel like I don't have a good collection of simple, basic go-to meals. I need to get better at stocking my pantry/fridge with staples and then knowing what I can do with them in a pinch. I feel like I've read a lot about how other people do this, and my tendency is to research something to death in an attempt to figure out the PERFECT WAY to do it, when really the best plan for me is often to JUST DO IT.

So, there you have it. My food confession. If any of you have any awesome ideas for how you maintain consistency in how you feed your family, I'd love to hear your suggestions. I'm not looking for anything extreme - we will continue to eat from all the food groups, we will continue eating out sometimes, and we will continue to eat some things that really aren't healthy - I just want to be more disciplined and godly in how I balance our habits.

The Big ONE

2011-05-19T14:15:00.000-05:00

Liam, last week you turned a year old! I can't believe you've become such a big boy! On the day of your birthday I received my weekly email from Babycenter.com, just as I have every week since I found out I was pregnant with you. Every email I had received prior to your birthday had as the subject line, "your baby this week". Last Wednesday, May 11, it said, "your toddler this week". What? I have a toddler? Time really has gone by ridiculously quickly, but enough mommy-moping, let's get down to business.

Your 12th month was just jam-packed with excitement & new developments. One special event was your first Easter. Sadly, I did not get a pic of our little family all dressed up for Easter, but I know a friend has a picture of us with our extended family, and I need to be sure to get a copy. I do have plenty of sweet pictures of you in your Easter outfit from your 11-month photo shoot. We spent the Friday & Saturday before Easter at Papa & Grandma's farm, because Uncle Kyle & Aunt Millie surprised Grandma with a visit. Easter Sunday we woke up at our house & gave you your Easter basket.

You did not like the Easter grass.

But you loved banging the Easter eggs together!

And you REALLY loved eating the Cheerios that were inside the eggs! (also, your ear is not misshapen, your toy behind you just makes you look like an elf).

We spent Easter afternoon, per tradition, at Sallye Hof's house, with dozens of our sweet, family friends. I think there were about 50 of us this year, which was so fun. It was so fun to reminisce about how exhausted our friends, Emily & Stormi, and I were last year; and to see how much God has done in our lives since then. Emily & I were both VERY pregnant last Easter (& I was majorly swollen) and Stormi was wiped out from undergoing chemo treatments. This year Emily & I had you & little Jane in your darling Easter clothes, cruising all around the room; and to look at Stormi, you wouldn't know she had ever had cancer. Thanks, God, for such sweet gifts in this life!

Of course, the big event of your 12th month was your first birthday party! I had wanted to have some sort of theme to the party, but I really wanted it to be something that you would be excited about. We don't let you watch enough t.v. for you to be attached to any type of character, and as far as the activities that you like, it didn't seem like a drooling/crawling party would go over all that great with our guests. I finally thought of having a party with the letter "B" as a theme (actually, I remembered seeing this "B" themed baby shower blog post and decided the concept would work well for your party). After all, you do love Balls, Books, Balloons, & Bubbles, so I thought it would be perfect! We didn't do tons to decorate, but I loved what we did. The mantle in the living room was all about you...

A banner of your first 11 months of pictures with your puppy, a few of our favorite pictures with you on the mantle, and, of course, some of your brightly colored balls in the votive holder.

We also used lots of Bright Balloons to decorate. It was so festive & fun!

We had a Backyard Barbecue & I served (nearly) all foods that start with the letter B. We had Burgers, Brats, Burger fixin's, Baked Beans, & Bugles. I had intended to make Baba ghanoush to serve as a dip with Bagel chips, but I ran out of time to get to the natural food store to buy tahini, which is a crucial ingredient, so we served store-bought hummus as the dip instead. We served Birthday cake and Berry lemonade pie for dessert.

We attempted to get everyone who wasn't a family member to forgo bringing you a gift and instead bring hygiene items to donate to Loving Choices Pregnancy Center to help the Babies that they serve; but most people brought you a gift anyway. You have loved playing with all of your fun, new toys you got, although at the time you were a little overwhelmed by all the paper and attention.

You definitely did not disappoint when it came to enjoying your smash cake. I had made you a litlle cake in the shape of a number "1" (good thing a one is just a rectangle ... I'll need a lot more practice with cakes if I'm going to make a "2" next year!)

At first you just picked the little balls of icing off the edge of the cake ...

Then when you figured out how to really dig in, you were really excited!

And a little amazed.

We loved celebrating your special day with you.

I chronicled the events of your actual birthday here, so I won't revisit everything we did, but here are a couple more shots of you enjoying your gifts...

You were really fascinated with all the sounds your new, red barn makes; and you love trying to fit all the animals into the silo.

Your "ballpit" (little tent that came with 24 balls) is one of your very favorite gifts. We've just had it set up in the living room for the past week and you love crawling in and out, throwing the balls everywhere, & cuddling in it with blankets and pillows when we read books before nap time.

Your progress in walking & talking were huge this month. You're not actually saying new words, at least not really, but you've become much clearer with the words you do say. You've started identifying your daddy and I in pictures that you see of us around the house, which has been really fun. I love it when all of a sudden you start pointing and saying, "dadda", and I realize you see a picture of your daddy on the wall. Sometimes when you're finished eating you try to say "done", but I think that's the only brand new word I noticed this month. As of your birthday, last week, I wouldn't have said you were a walker yet (you've progressed a lot, but we'll save that for next month's post). By your birthday you could take a few tentative steps at a time, but you really didn't like doing it very much. Crawling continues to be a much quicker and more reliable way of getting around. You've also started really loving to dance. At a graduation party a couple of weekends ago you went crazy when you heard the Motown hits that were playing, and dancing was all you wanted to do for the rest of the evening.

You are still a great eater. Some of your favorites are grilled chicken, cheese, goldfish crackers, yogurt, and pureed fruits. You will eat pureed vegetables without too much complaint, but you aren't quite willing to put up with the texture of solid fruits and vegetables yet. You had your first peanut butter and jelly sandwich & your first spaghetti dinner this month, both of which were big hits.

I should probably wrap it up, since this is the longest post ever, but we love you, little buddy, and we're so thankful God is letting us raise you!

11 On 11

2011-05-11T20:15:00.000-05:00

A couple of months ago I did a little project called 10 on 10: I took one picture every hour for 10 consecutive hours on the tenth day of March. I think it's a fun idea to take part in every once in awhile (when I have time to sit around uploading/editing pictures) and a good way to remember the little details of everyday life at this stage. This month I decided to do 11 on 11, because today is Liam's birthday and then I could document how we celebrated on his special day. So, here it is, our day:

Playing with his new fishing rod - he got to open one present from mommy & daddy as soon as he woke up this morning.

Breakfast time! Drinking chocolate milk for the first time ... with vigor!

Editing pics of my buddy while he naps because, you know, I must be looking at him at all times.

Washing dishes during naptime, because I don't actually just stare at my child all day every day.

Blinky little eyes after a long morning nap!

Birthday lunch with Nana & Aunt Abbie at the new Qdoba!

Little goober faces during the monthly photo shoot.

Yep, we skipped 2:15 - he was napping & Martha had just gotten here, so I forgot. But, at 3:15, Mrs. Martha & Liam were both really excited that he is one!

Birthday frozen yogurt at TCBY with daddy & mommy!

Lots of fun exploring his new barn after opening the rest of his presents.

Birthday brinner - pancakes, scrambled eggs, and more chocolate milk!

Yes, our child had way more sugar than he needed today (as if he ever needs any), but it was such a fun day making family memories together. Some other day I'll have to post pics or video of the crazy fun he had in the ball pit/tent we gave him - it was a HUGE hit! We also took a great family walk with Jack this evening, just before a storm rolled in. Tomorrow I'll try to post his 12 month update after his one year check-up because I know everyone is dying to read more things about Liam turning one ... can you tell the first birthday of my first child is kind of a big deal to me?

A Year Ago

2011-05-11T11:01:00.000-05:00

At this moment, a year ago, I was in my 11th hour of laying in the hospital bed at Mercy, awaiting my son's arrival. I had been on pitocin and an epidural since midnight, my water had been broken at about 8:30 am, and I was just waiting.

I did not know the last drops of fluid were draining out of my epidural bag ... no one else did, either; but boy, was I about to know!

I did not know that within half an hour I would be dilated to a 9 and would suddenly have to go about an hour without pain medication.

I did not know I would have to push for two hours because my son has a Charlie Brown head and I do not have massive hips.

I did not know that during those two hours I would ponder things like Eve's stupidity, Michelle Duggar's insanity, or my new-found desire for a one-child family (which was short-lived, by the way).

I did not know that lots of water retention prior to giving birth + pushing with all my might for two hours = puffy face, swollen beyond recognition. Those sweet pictures of somewhat tired yet beautifully make-upped & hairstyled mamas laying in the hospital bed cuddling their new little one moments after birth? Yeah, that was not me. I may have threatened people's lives in an effort to keep them from taking/posting any pictures of me that first day.

I did not know that breastfeeding would be a long, exhausting journey that would take WAY more hours for WAY less outcome than I could have imagined.

I did not know that my little boy would have the most beautiful big, blue eyes, or that he would have sunshine for hair.

I did not know that he would be the funniest little person to his daddy and I, or that he would be notorious for hilarious facial expressions.

I did not know I would love the smell of his baby breath in the morning and after naps when I take his pacifier out, or that I would be so excited every time I go to get him out of his crib - even in the middle of the night.

I did not know I would feel so desperate for God: that my son would see Him in me, that He would give me wisdom in parenting, that He would help me to not be a hypocrite, etc.

I did not know that toothy grins & belly laughs would mean more to me than the degrees & licenses I've worked so hard for.

I did not know I could love so much.

Here's to one year of parenting and ALL the things I have yet to know.

The Exultet

2011-04-24T10:13:00.000-05:00

The Exultet is an ancient Easter proclamation, traditionally sung by a deacon in the Catholic church over the Easter candle on Holy Saturday evening.We do not attend a Catholic church, but we do go to church on Saturday nights instead of Sunday mornings, so it was meaningful to learn a bit more of the history of the proclamation - that it was always intended to be read on a Saturday night. Our pastor did not sing the following words over us, rather we proclaimed them together, as a congregation (we did not read the entire exultet - the parts I remember us reading are in italics ... I could be wrong, though):

Rejoice heavenly powers! Sing choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God's throne!
Jesus Christ, our King is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor,
radiant in the brightness of your King!
Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!
Darkness vanishes forever!

Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory!
The risen Savior shines upon you!
Let this place resound with joy,
echoing the mighty song of all God's people!

It is truly right
that with full hearts and minds and voices
we should praise the unseen God,
the all powerful Father,
and his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.

For Christ has ransomed us with his blood,
and paid for us the price of Adam's sin
to our eternal Father!

This is our Passover feast,
when Christ, the true Lamb, is slain,
whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.

This is the night
when first you saved our fathers:
you freed the people of Israel from their slavery
and led them dry-shod through the sea.

This is the night
when the pillar of fire
destroyed the darkness of sin!

This is the night
when Christians everywhere,
washed clean of sin
and freed from all defilement,
are restored to grace
and grow together in holiness.

This is the night
when Jesus Christ broke the chains of death
and rose triumphant from the grave.

What good would life have been to us,
had Christ not come as our Redeemer?

Father, how wonderful your care for us!
How boundless your merciful love!
To ransom a slave you gave away your Son.

O happy fault, O necessary sin of Adam,
which gained for us so great a Redeemer!

Most blessed of all nights,
chosen by God to see Christ rising from the dead!
Of this night scripture says:
"The night will be clear as day:
it will become my light, my joy."

The power of this holy night
dispels all evil, washes guilt away,
restores lost innocence, brings mourners joy;
it casts out hatred, brings us peace,
and humbles earthly pride.

Night truly blessed
when heaven is wedded to earth
and man is reconciled with God!

Therefore, heavenly Father,
in the joy of this night
receive our evening sacrifice of praise,
your Church's solemn offering.

Accept this Easter candle,
a flame divided but undimmed,
a pillar of fire that glows to the honor of God.

Let it mingle with the lights of heaven
and continue bravely burning
to dispel the darkness of this night!

May the Morning Star which never sets
find this flame still burning:
Christ, that Morning Star,
who came back from the dead,
and shed his peaceful light on all mankind,
your Son who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen.

Everybody's Happy

2011-04-21T15:01:00.000-05:00

In the event that a storm wakes up your napping child earlier than either of you would prefer, here's our family recipe for getting the afternoon back on track:
"Liam, should we go to Sonic with Puppy Jack? Jack, do you want to go?"
Jack goes berserk at the prospect of the word 'go' and starts leaping and twirling down the hall. Previously fussy Liam starts squealing in delight at Jack's antics. Mommy is glad happy hour just started.

Everyone loads up in the car. Jack in the back, Liam in the middle, rear-facing, mommy drives. Jack gets 20 minutes to watch cars & the rain. Bliss for him. Liam gets 20 minutes to watch Jack, and Jack can't get away from him. Bliss for him. Mommy gets a diet dr. pepper with vanilla. Bliss for me.

Win-win-win.

11 Month Pics

2011-04-20T14:32:00.000-05:00

I kept forgetting to take Liam's 11 month pictures and finally remembered this morning. I had decided that I would get him dressed and take them right after his morning nap ... when I went in to get him after he woke up, this is the hair I found:

Definitely the most serious case of bedhead he's had thus far! I'm just thankful he finally has enough hair to get bedhead. That feisty face is an indicator of how smoothly our photo shoot went.

Gratefully, I was able to get several happy ones before he completely melted down. This is his little Easter outfit - the weather for the next week is so unpredictable that I wanted to make sure I got some shots in it, just in case he's not able to be in it long on Easter.

And would you look at those tiny, golden eyelashes? They are just too sweet.

He's Home!

2011-04-19T13:51:00.000-05:00

Today, Liam and I are very happy to be spending the day hanging out with our favorite person - daddy's back! This morning at Bible study a friend, Becky, asked if we got some sweet pictures of his homecoming and Liam's response to seeing him after 2 weeks. No, we did not; but thinking about how I would have loved for yesterday to go and how it actually went makes me laugh. Nothing really disastrous happened, just the inconveniences of real life (also this may be the most boring thing you've ever read).

Here's how I wish the day had gone:
6:30 - wake up, get ready for work
7:00 - Liam wake up, morning bottle
7:45 - get everything packed in the car & head to Nana's to drop Liam off for the day
8:15 - get settled in at work & ready for first client at 8:30
11:30-2:00 - long lunch, finish last 2 or 3 days of Bible study because I am WAY behind
2:00-5:00 - clients
5:00 - pick Liam up, grocery shop, dinner, pick up the house
7:00 - arrive at airport to get Josh: joy! excitement! Liam takes his first steps to daddy!
7:30 - Liam falls asleep in car on the way home, we put him in bed & have the rest of the evening to hang out and look at pictures of Josh's trip.

Reality:
6:30 - wake up, get ready for work
7:55 - finally wake Liam up to leave because he is sleeping way in and I can't wait any longer - dried snot is ALL over his face. Poor buddy.
8:23 - leave Nana's to dash to work, start 8:30 session at nearly 8:40 because I'm running late
11:30 - run to Wal-Mart and drop off more milk at Nana's because I hadn't realized we were nearly out and there wasn't enough to get Liam through the day. Have long conversation with new co-worker over lunch about how to handle the emotions of our job. Get distracted online & then realize it's nearly time for my 2:00 session ... no Bible study accomplished.
3:00 - client leaves, there is a voicemail from my mom saying Liam's cough has gotten a lot worse & I should probably get him a dr. appt. Call drs. office, they say, yes, they will see him at 4:50 in Fayetteville - this is about 35-40 minutes from where I work, my 3:00 client is waiting for her session to start (which is again late because I'm making phone calls) and I'm supposed to have a 4:00. Take appt., text 4:00 client to cancel. I'm so sorry, I say.
3:55 - finish session, rush out of work, pick Liam up from Nana's, drive to Fayetteville & end up getting there early.
4:46 - 16 minutes after arriving at Drs. office, walk back out the door. Speediest (and best) drs. office ever. Worth the drive. Liam's fine, try some Claritin. Head to the grocery store.
5:45 - unload car & guess what ... no milk. Left the milk I bought earlier at Nana's so it wouldn't sit in the car the whole time I was driving to and from the drs. office. It will be time for a bedtime bottle soon, so back to the store to get more milk. Oh, and Josh's flight keeps getting pushed back further and further.
7:00 - Liam is exhausted and will hardly eat anything, put him to bed. Finally get around to finishing Bible study.
9:00 - Mom comes to sit at the house w/ sleeping baby while I go get Josh from the airport.
10:00 - Finally home. I need to make quiche for Bible study in the morning. I thought the recipe said cream cheese ... it said sour cream. "Welcome home, honey. Could you go buy me some sour cream?"
11:30 - finish quiche/sour cream run and finally go to bed.
6:30am - Liam wakes up and cries when he sees Josh because he is always kind of angry until he gets his morning bottle.

Welcome home, Josh. This is your life with your forgetful wife & your baby son. Just in case your absence had caused you to romanticize things, we wanted to help you remember what it's actually like. But really, it's awesome.

Things I Have Learned

2011-04-17T23:32:00.000-05:00

Josh has been gone for 12 days. He comes home tomorrow - HOORAY!!! Being out of my normal routine, even just for a couple of weeks, has provided some great learning opportunities I may not have otherwise had. Here are a few lessons learned:

Sewing machines do not work well if you forget to put the pressure foot down before you start sewing. No amount of time spent adjusting settings on the machine will help until you realize the tiny detail you are forgetting.
Liam can go through a gallon of milk in 4.5 days. It is best to buy more milk for the next day before his bedtime.
It doesn't make sense to assume you will accomplish 3 time-consuming extra projects during a 12 day span of time when you are doing the work of both parents.
It is more comforting than I realized to have someone else spend the night at the house when my husband is gone.
If you think you might want some sort of snack or drink after your child goes to bed at 7:30, you must plan ahead and purchase it prior to bedtime (if no one else is at the house).
Just because you know you'll probably be a little lonely without your spouse for nearly two weeks, it does not mean you should schedule multiple social engagements everyday to try to make up for it. This is a bit exhausting if it isn't the way you normally function.
I still can't fathom how difficult and stressful it must be to be a single parent.
Having friends and family who will let you sit on their couch, play with their toys, and eat their food is an incredible blessing (I already knew this, but I learned it to an even greater degree).

Finally (and this is the most important),

If your spouse is going to be gone for a couple of weeks, you might feel stressed thinking about all the extra work you'll have to do to keep the home functioning and pets and children alive. As it turns out, adjusting your schedule to include his responsibilities (taking out the trash, caring for the dog, washing bottles, etc.) isn't really that big of a deal. You just adjust and compensate. However, you cannot compensate for a person's daily presence in your life. No amount of fun sleepovers, girl movies, frozen yogurt dates with friends, or kind offers to keep you company can make up for the absence of the one you are one with.

It's just better when we're together

p.s. Josh, when you read this do not take it as permission to no longer fulfill your normal household duties upon your return.

11 Months Awesome

2011-04-11T21:01:00.000-05:00

Wow, little fella ... it's been a big month! I didn't even realize how much has gone on since you turned 10 months old until I started looking back through pics of the past month. Things have been crazy around here & you've been such a trooper! Your 11th month started off with some really fun birthday parties for some of your older pals. You LOVED Daniela's party at the Little Gym. She is our neighbor who was turning 4, so most of the kids at her party were her friends from preschool, but that didn't bother you. You were thrilled with all the bright colors and action. Slightly less thrilled with this little mister who adored you and came over about once every three minutes to rub your head. At one point he looked up at me and said, "I sure wish I could have this baby"! Hilarious. You were a great sport.

We also got to celebrate Joaquin Acosta's 2nd birthday with him at his house. You really enjoyed his toys, balloons, and the party hat. Wait, maybe that was me enjoying the party hat, but once again you were a good sport and left it on. You're so darling.

You have had a lot of outings this month. The weather has finally caught up with the calendar and stopped behaving as if it's February, so we've been able to have some fun times outside. You love being outside, whether you're at a playground, in your stroller, or just crawling around on the ground, you are totally entertained. A couple of weeks ago we were hanging out with your new buddy, Bryson, at his house, and you crawled around on the driveway for two and a half hours. No kidding. Your dad and I were hanging out in lawn chairs with the adults on a gorgeous afternoon, and other than taking some breaks for a bottle and to share some of mommy's cheesecake, you just played contentedly on the ground the whole time.

Frozen yogurt dates have sort of become our thing this month. About once a week you and I go on a date, either to YumYo's or (now that it's open) TCBY and we have a great time sharing bites of the yummy goodness. Also, their chairs really bring out your gigantic blue eyes.

You went to your first Razorback baseball game this month! Last summer you went with your daddy, nana, grandad and mommy to a Naturals game, but you were pretty tiny and slept a lot of the time. This was your first baseball game this spring and you did pretty well. We went with our good friend, Tripp, and his sweet girlfriend, MaryGrace. You loved MG, and when the mascot, Ribby, walked by and scared you, you didn't want me to comfort you ... you lunged right for her. For now it's cute, but you're going to have to tone down the way you play on pretty girls' emotions as you get older.

You have been REALLY happy this month. We had one rough week, but outside of that, you've been very expressive with your delight lately. VERY expressive.

A FIREMAN HAT!!!


A BALLOON!!!

A COFFEE TABLE BOOK ABOUT THE ROCKIES!!!

You do not hold back. You love letting everyone know when you're excited about something, except for when you're sick. March was sort of a tough month, healthwise, for you. Just before you turned 10 months old you had your first cold, and then about the middle of the month you had your first stomach virus (which resulted in your first sick child appointment - way to go 10 1/2 months without one!). That was a really rough and exhausting week for all of us, but you've been back to 100% the last couple of weeks and it's been good to see you full of energy again.

The past month also brought a fun trip to Little Rock. You had some difficulties staying entertained during the day while I attended my conference, but daddy was so sweet and worked his hardest to keep you happy. We got to spend some great (but too short) time with the Spensts and Pollacks and all their kiddos while we were there. It's too fun to reflect on what our lives were like a decade ago, when we were all getting to know one another at college; and to still get to enjoy time and family together, now. If the Lord blesses you with even a fraction of the number of amazing people in your life that daddy and I have in our lives, I will be so thankful.

Loving on your gloworm on the way home from LR

It's been a fantastic month with you, little one, and I can't believe that one month from today you will be a whole year old! It's almost impossible for me to fathom. Here are some other facts about you this month:

You aren't walking yet, but you are oh, so close. Your daddy is currently about halfway through with a 12 day trip out of the country, and I'm hoping you'll hold off and not take your first steps until he gets home, but you are getting braver and steadier everyday.
You cut your 7th tooth today! Actually, I'm not sure when it came through - I hadn't noticed it, but when you were with Nana today she saw it. I guess it really didn't bother you, because I had no idea you were teething again (1st tooth to come through since January!).
You babble non-stop. You have something to say about EVERYTHING. You continue to talk the most about Jack ("Ja, ja, ja, ja, JA, JA, JA!!!" is a pretty typical conversation you have). You have actually said mama and dada less in the past few weeks than you had previously, but I think it's because you are so busy saying so many other baby-babbling things. You are mimicking more and more, as well. "Love you," "Jesus", and "bye-bye" are all words you'll mimic the intonation and some sounds of, but if someone overheard just you (and not what we had prompted you with) they would have no idea what you were saying.
You have crazy love for balloons, stores, attention from people you know, Jack, and exploring.
Ever since you got over your stomach virus, you've been eating like a madman. We still feed you baby food to make sure you get enough fruits and vegetables in your tummy, but you also eat just about whatever we're eating. The only finger foods you don't seem crazy about are bananas, but other than that you just cram in your mouth whatever we put on your highchair tray. Chicken, noodles, green beans, sweet peppers, cheerios, goldfish, cheese ... you love it all.
Socially, you crack us up. You still cry when I leave you at the nursery, but they continue to say you have a great time as soon as you get over your separation outburst. You LOVE watching bigger kids, and this month you've also really taken an interest in little babies as well. I guess you've been around little babies a lot, since Bryson was born in February, and Rocklin & Joel were born in March - you four and Fischer (once he gets here next month) are going to be quite the little gang when you get older. This month you've started a shy act that gets you TONS of attention. When you see someone you like (whether you know them or not) you bury your face in my should and peek at them out of the corner of your eye, grinning all the while. If someone makes you nervous you scowl at them, but otherwise you play the shy game.
You're really understanding, "no", these days. It's so hard not to laugh at you, because when you actually obey and drop whatever it is that you're not supposed to have, you usually start flopping your hand down and slapping your thigh in exasperation. You're pretty compliant thus far. Our only real battles involve wiping your face and hands after meals. You hate that.
You have so many little gestures that you use to say so much. In addition to the thigh-slapping, and shy-acting, you love to wave and have started doing it without prompting at appropriate times. Whenever I'm holding you and I pick up the diaper bag, you immediately wave to whomever is there, or to no one if it's just you and I at home. You often signal that you are finished with a meal by tapping your little fingers on your tray, as if to express how bored you've become.

Gosh, this was such a long update. Life with you is such a joy. You're a riot and I know your dad can't wait to get home to you! You can't wait to see him again, either. Yesterday we got to Skype with him and the whole time you waved at him while scrunching up your face into a big cheesy grin and breathing very excitedly. I can't believe your next update will be your birthday update! I love you, tiny!

Worth the Hassle ...

2011-04-02T21:45:00.001-05:00

This week has been absolutely exhausting ... a three hour drive to Little Rock. Two nights in a hotel room with a 10 month old. Two days of Josh trying to entertain said 10 month old while I attended a conference. Three hour drive home from Little Rock. A full day of trying to entertain 10 month old at our friends' lakehouse. Shading him from the sun. Sitting inside with him so he can happily play on the floor while everyone else is outside fishing or playing ladderball and bag-o. Fussing and crankiness because his schedule is messed up and it's hard to nap in his pack-n-play in a strange room. Leaving the lake early so he can sleep in his own bed while the other couples stay and spend the night at the cabin. Coming home to duffel bags, a dirty house, and piles of laundry from being out of town most of the week.

It's a lot of work, this whole business of caring for a child. As we were driving home from the lake this evening I couldn't help but think how much easier the week would have been if we would have just stayed at home and stuck with our regular schedule. Our house would be clean(er). Liam would have gone to bed earlier and slept later. We would have gone to bed later (because we wouldn't have been stuck in a hotel room with a sleeping baby) and slept later. It would have been easier and WAY more convenient.

He was this excited about the hotel room for about 5 minutes. For the remainder of the two days we were there he was completely bored with it and did NOT want to be there.

BUT, Liam and I wouldn't have had a fun dinner date at Whole Hog with Carol and her sweet girls while Josh helped John paint a sweet old lady's kitchen. Josh wouldn't have gotten to spend some time with Del, one of his very best friends. We wouldn't have had a fantastic dinner with the Spensts & Sarah & Matthias (so sad Jason & Hiba had to stay at home). We wouldn't have had a fun lunch at Chick-fil-a with the whole Pollack fam. We wouldn't have enjoyed an absolutely gorgeous day by a beautiful lake with our community group that we love. We wouldn't have gotten our first sunburns of the spring and come home smelling like wonderful dirt and leaves and fresh air.

Dr. Del, Burt & Liam. Glad Josh took this great pic, sad we didn't think to take pictures with any of the other fun friends we spent time with this week.

As much as I wish it could all be sunshine and rainbows and giggles, making fun family memories with a kiddo is a hassle. I guess it would almost always be easier and more convenient not to take the trip or play the game or make the craft or read the book. It would always be easier to figure out the optimal schedule and activities for his developmental age and never deviate. BUT, we would miss so much.

It's a hassle, but it's worth it.

Desensitization

2011-04-01T21:18:00.000-05:00

I know we get used to what we expose ourselves to - whatever it is that we are regularly around, we become desensitized to. During the summers I spent working at a camp for kids with disabilities, I didn't think a thing of sleeping without air-conditioning, changing diapers, cleaning up puke, or pushing wheelchairs over rough, hilly terrain ... all in muggy, southern Missouri weather. Now that sort of sounds impossible. Or at least miserable.

I never really cared for my 1 hour and 45 minute commute (one-way) that I drove 3 days a week in the year after I graduated from grad school, but I got desensitized to that, too. I knew that I would listen to NPR for the first 25 minutes, pull off the highway for coffee (once a week I treated myself to a Panera bagel, too), then start a Mark Driscoll or Matt Chandler podcast. By the time the sermon I was listening to ended I would be about 20-30 minutes away from work and I would spend the remainder of the drive listening to my "Conquer the Day" playlist that I made to help me get my game face on for a full day at a job I didn't like. It was not a fun routine, but it's just what I did and I got used to it.

For a year and a half before Liam was born I worked as the full-time therapist at the advocacy center where I now see clients on a contract basis, just two days a week. When I was working full-time there were days when I recognized that I might be getting a bit overloaded with trauma, but for the most part, I got desensitized to that, too. It's been nearly a year since I quit working full-time. I didn't work at all for 3 months after Liam was born, and then I sort of eased my way back in to working part-time. I have felt the difference that it makes, having more days in a week that I am NOT confronted with trauma than days that I am. It's pretty nice. A weird thing about desensitization, though, is that it usually reverses itself when you remove yourself from the stimulus.

I didn't realize how much more sensitive I have become, again, to trauma in the past 11 months until this week. Monday I worked, as I always do; and then on Tuesday, Josh, Liam and I drove down to Little Rock so I could attend a two-day conference on a model of therapy that focuses on trauma. The conference was great, but apparently my little mind and heart have pretty well adjusted to a schedule of Monday=trauma, Tuesday-Thursday=fun with my son & friends, Friday=trauma, Saturday-Sunday=family days. I discovered last night that my threshold for the amount of trauma I can handle has dropped considerably. I do okay with my usual two days, but four is just too much now. Last night I awoke numerous times because of trauma-related dreams. None of them were super horrible or graphic ... just upsetting and heavy.

When I woke up this morning, feeling very tired and a little sad, I thought about what a gift it is, this ability to have bad dreams because of what I'm exposed to. I often worry that my outside-the-home work will make my heart irreparably calloused and crusty. I'm afraid that engaging in work that I do only because I care about it so much will end up causing me to stop being able to care. I'm not sure how it all works, but I'm glad that God somehow makes us tough enough to handle the work He gives us to do, but then can soften us anew when the protective shell doesn't need to be as thick.

10 Months

2011-03-24T11:19:00.000-05:00

Almost two weeks ago, our little Liam turned 10 months old. I always look to his little friend, Lilly, for an idea of what's coming up next, and since she just turned 13 months old I've been totally stunned by the thought that in the next few months our little guy will not only be walking, but probably talking a good bit more, as well. This month the little mister has been BUSY. I'm pretty sure I'm going to wear out the knees in my jeans for the first time in years from all of the crawling we do together.

Speed and confidence were probably the biggest changes this month. Liam's got a lot of horsepower when he's crawling, so he gets pretty far pretty fast. He LOVES to explore and isn't afraid to wander off to other rooms to see what he can find. It's been so fun watching him develop his little routines ... When he gets tired of playing in the living room he either takes off for the study (where he has a couple of shelves of books in the bookcase) to do a little ~~reading~~ cardboard-book-chewing, or he heads to the back door in the kitchen to converse with his best buddy, Jack.

Liam spends at least 15 minutes over the course of the day hanging out here ... hence the impossibly dirty glass door. Sticky fingers & little mouth prints on one side and dog drool & nose prints on the other. In the mornings, when I'm getting myself ready for the day, he sometimes plays with his little basket of toys in our room, but is much more interested in playing with our shoes or my brushes and combs, or turning the bathtub faucet on and off. Another new activity this month has been chase and tickle. Liam usually forgets how this game works every day, but once we get down on our hands and knees and grab him to tickle him, he remembers pretty quickly. He loves the anticipation of waiting for us to snatch him off the floor and tickle his little sides.

Another month has passed with no new teeth to report: he's holding firm at 6 little chompers for now. This month he really started exploring finger foods and has gotten pretty good at getting about 75% of the food bites actually into his mouth. He loves shredded cheese and any type of bread or crackers, as well as avocado, although that one is a little slippery and harder to feed to himself. At Liam's 9 month appointment (which was right before he turned 10 months) he had a little toe prick blood draw to check his iron levels. Sweet Dr. Jackson said that his levels are high enough that we can start him on whole milk at 11 months ... IF he is doing a good job of eating all of his food groups. Prior to this news I really hadn't worked too hard to get him to eat meats - he didn't really like them and it was so messy and fussy to push it. However, saving a month's worth of formula $$ was motivation enough for me to stick with it and after testing just about every brand and type of baby food with meat, I've finally found two types that he will eat without too much protest:

Thank you, Happy Baby & Plum Organics for making baby food with meat that doesn't gag my son. I'm so very grateful. I also stopped making Liam's baby food this month. He has lots of veggies left in our freezer, he's made it quite clear he isn't interested in meat that I puree, and we've just been so busy it has been much more convenient to buy tubs and pouches of fruit than to make the mess that it is to make fruit for him myself. Also, since he's moving into the stage where he will be eating more and more of our foods with us, I didn't want to have a frozen stockpile of purees go to waste. My blender motor is thankful I'm buying pre-made now.

I think those are the main changes we've seen between 9 & 10 months. Our family has been busy, so not much exciting or new to report ... just happy everyday growth & learning. Here are a few more pictures of our sweetie.

Little family pic before the neighborhood Valentine's party we hosted

Such a handsome fellow at his impromptu playground photo shoot

I know I posted this pic in my last post, but it's my new favorite. Those eyes are too much.

The official 10 month pic

I can't believe how old he looks!

& some post photo shoot giggles!

Ten On Ten

2011-03-11T09:28:00.000-06:00

So, yesterday I was inspired by this lovely blog (which I discovered thanks to this sweet friend) to participate in a little project called Ten On Ten. All it involves is taking 10 pictures over 10 consecutive hours of the 10th day of the month. Even though my pics will probably be pretty boring to anyone who reads this blog, I think it could be a fun way for me to remember the little moments that seem sort of mundane while I'm in the middle of them, but that I will probably want to remember someday. I like the idea of doing this once a month, or maybe just once every few months, as a way to document the changes in how daily life looks as Liam gets older. So, without further adieu ...

Morning playtime

A little Bible study time during morning nap

Mom! Stop putting on make-up & play with me!

Headed to have lunch with Jen & Kelsey

So ... I forgot to take a pic at lunch, but as you can see, we ate at Olive Garden

Afternoon nap

Getting started on enchiladas for dinner with new friends Matt, Amy & Bryson

Playtime with Jack (Liam's FAVORITE part of any day!)

A little work with flashcards. Mostly a sensory exercise at this point :)

And the precious pic I couldn't get to rotate. Boo. Some avocado appetizer before dinner.

Poor Sick Baby

2011-03-03T20:25:00.000-06:00

Our tiny buddy has been a little under the weather this week. It's sad, but precious.

I love cuddling with those little round cheeks and chubby fingers.

Brain Food

2011-03-01T16:50:00.001-06:00

Today I wanted to do a little post on what I'm reading lately - you know, the stuff that has kept me from blogging very regularly. The reading that has consumed the most of my time since the middle of January has been for the Bible study I'm participating in this semester. It's a Beth Moore study called Living Beyond Yourself.

The study is based on Galatians 5, which examines the fruit of the Spirit. We are only a few weeks into the study, but I'm riveted every week and can't wait to do my homework each day. Even though it is an incredible blessing - a miracle, really - to have been raised in a God-honoring home and to have been a follower of Christ from an early age; some Scriptures are so familiar that I tend to breeze right through them without really thinking too much about them. The fruit of the Spirit has kind of been like that in the past for me - a list I can quickly rattle off thanks to years of Bible memory through Awanas & Bible quizzing, but not a topic I've grappled with. Finally grappling has been wonderful. I've been so inspired to dream about what life can be like when truly lived in the Spirit, and I would HIGHLY recommend this study to anyone. I know some people don't have access to the dvds to watch Beth's teaching, but if there is any way you can watch them along with the study it enhances the learning tremendously. I'm so thankful for the gift of teaching God has given her.

I've also been plowing through this gem since the beginning of the year.

Josh's parents gave him this book for Christmas because he loves Bill Bryson, and I've confiscated it for a bit. Using his aged home in England as a guide, of sorts, Bryson shares his extensive historical research behind all sorts of common things we tend to take for granted. I've learned about things like why salt and pepper are the most common seasonings we use, how dining rooms came to exist, and why the commercial production of ice changed our diets. I know ... a lot of questions that have really been bugging you lately, huh? It isn't the sort of book I'd take to the beach and read for hours on end, but I like picking it up a few times a week and reading several pages at a time. Some might find it a little tedious, but I've really enjoyed it. When I was in grade school my best friend and I would play a sort of game every time we had a sleep over. She would pick some random item (usually something she would see in one of our rooms) and I would make up some elaborate story about who invented that thing and how they thought of it. This book is sort of like that, except true.

Finally, I've just recently started reading through Warren Wiersbe's '50 People Every Christian Should Know'.

Ever since I was little I have loved reading biographies of missionaries and other great heroes of the faith. It is so encouraging and challenging to read about how God has worked through the lives of those who have gone before us. I've only made it through about the first 10 people in this book, maybe not even that many, but one of the things I really enjoy about it is that I'm only familiar with a handful of the people he highlights. Each individual has about five or six pages devoted to a brief biography of their life and work, and it has been interesting to learn about some of the men and women whose lives of faith helped shape the church as we know it. I also appreciate that Wiersbe mentions one or two of his favorite resources regarding that individual so that if you are interested in learning more about them you have a few suggestions for where to start.

So, Liam's awake now and we have a walk to go on, but now you know what I'll be reading the next time the weather's crummy!

All of Me

2011-02-28T11:52:00.000-06:00

This morning I drove past a little field that I pass everyday and saw a long, elegant heron gliding above it. He flies there often, and my heart thrills a little every time I see his serene silhouette.

Half a mile later, I drove past a hilly little pasture that I also see everyday; and I remembered that a couple of days ago, just as it came into view from the road, a white horse came loping over a rise. When I saw him prancing in the sunshine, the little girl part of my heart skipped a beat. Little girl me was absolutely in love with horses.

As I thought of both of those beauties while driving to work this morning, my heart was so thankful that God knows the entirety of me all the time. He knows and loves little girl Stefanie, who collects model horses and longs to own a real one. He still loves to give her sweet gifts. He knows and loves 28-year-old Stefanie, who appreciates the peace and calm of an unhurried heron. He knows and loves the Stefanie that I, myself, don't even know yet. He is generously giving delightful gifts to that future-Stefanie right now, but I can't see it. I can't possibly appreciate all of the love that He shows to me, (in part) because He knows me eternally and I only know my own past and present.

How I long to just take a deep breath and settle into the lap of the One Who makes me known.

9 Months ... Finally!

2011-02-26T22:48:00.002-06:00

So, I sort of missed the boat on writing Liam a 9 month post ... he turned 9 months old 15 days ago, so at least I'm getting it written before his next month bday. Our tiny man's 9th month was quite eventful. It was great to get back in the flow of regular life after all the excitement and busyness of the holidays, and getting back into a normal schedule of having a lot more time at home gave Liam the chance to practice all of his new skills. Skills like ...

Crawling (his first crawl was to Jack, our dog)

Pulling up on EVERYTHING (& playing with best friend, Lilly)

Bike riding (which only involves scooting backwards)

Preaching to his stuffed animals (with Buzz Lightyear's help)

& Drinking his bottle on his own

Gratefully my busy little friend still has time to cuddle with his mommy, although he definitely prefers climbing on me to cuddling, at this point.


He's a big fan of family cuddle time in the mornings, too. (Jack isn't always invited - only when he is freshly bathed).

Liam's 9th month also brought a TON of snow. We spent the better part of 2 weeks cooped up at home. It was fun getting to have Josh around all of the days the church offices were closed, and Liam enjoyed all the attention he got from our friends who live in the surrounding neighborhoods since we practically lived at each others houses during those weeks.

Yes, we made Liam sit in our footpath to demonstrate how deep it was.

My favorite development in Liam's 9th month, though, was his first time to actually direct "ma-ma" at me. He had said it for a couple of weeks, but one Friday (shortly after he turned 8 months old) I came home from work and as soon as I walked in the door he looked at me, waved, and exclaimed, "ma-ma!" Be still my melting heart. He continues to talk about "Ja" (Jack) all the time, and says "da-da" every once in a while.
Those are all of the highlights I can remember from his 9th month .... I'll wrap things up with a couple more pics (you know, in case you haven't seen enough already). These monthly pics are getting way more challenging the past couple of months - I'm pretty sure by his 10 month pics he'll be doing handstands or something.

*Edit (3/1/11): Liam finally had his 9 month appointment today (10 days before he turns 10 months) & I wanted to record his stats: weight=19lbs., 10oz. (25th percentile) & height=28.74 in. (50th percentile).

Watch Out, Ladies ...

2011-02-17T13:38:00.000-06:00

Somewhere out there, about 12-15 years in the future, a somewhat awkward middle-school girl is doodling in her notebook and wondering if anyone is ever going to think she is really beautiful. She's wondering if he'll want to marry her and dreaming about what he'll look like. She's hoping that, by some chance, he'll have beautiful blue eyes.

Rest assured, sweetie. He does.

Someday those eyes are going to be only for you, but for now, they light up for me.

I'll take good care of him for you until it's your turn.

Two-Thirds

2011-01-14T15:24:00.000-06:00

Our little man turned 8 months old on the eleventh: two-thirds of his first year is behind us and I can hardly believe it. This past month was delightful. Liam was fantastic with all of our holiday traveling and the accompanying changes to his schedule. He was sweet and loving to family members he hadn't met yet, he tore paper off of his presents with interest, and he charmed us with his adorable expressions when he saw what was underneath all that wrapping paper. It was all so fun. I know I already posted quite a few holiday pics, but here are just a couple more:

Our little fam on Christmas morning - Liam was way too interested in the stuffed moose on top of the box to look at the camera

This kid's facial expressions kill me. I can't wait to someday hear the words that accompany the faces he makes

At the very beginning of Liam's 8th month he figured out how to get himself up on all fours. I assumed that meant that crawling was right around the corner, but as of yet the best he can do is propelling himself backwards by getting up on his hands and knees and then pushing himself back with his hands. He's figured out how to move his hands in a crawling motion, but his knees don't follow yet. The last two weeks have brought a little more fussiness than usual, but I think it is just some frustration that he isn't as mobile as he would like to be. Two days ago he made another big stride, though, and got himself from his stomach back into an upright sitting position. I love this pic of him in action:

Baths continue to be a source of great joy for Liam, and even more so now, with some of the fun new bath toys he got for Christmas. Aunt Abbie got him an awesome boat with a paddle wheel that works and lots of little fish that float in the water and he LOVES them. Every time we go in the bathroom to get a bath ready he gets really excited and bounces up and down in my arms ... until I turn the water on. The noisy water always kind of freaks him out, so pre-bath time is a funny combination of giggles and reaching for his toys while keeping a death grip on me and trying to stay as far away as possible from the roaring faucet.

Another fun development this month has been Liam's growing love for our dog, Jack. He has never really minded Jack, but this month he's become very interested in everything Jack does. He gets excited when I tell him we're going to let "puppy Jack" inside, and he nearly lunges out of my arms trying to pet him. Jack has loved getting all this new attention from the little person who so abruptly intruded on his life 8 months ago, and they have become quite the little buddies. The day I took the picture below Liam was busily scooting backwards across the living room when Jack walked in the room and looked at him, walked back out of the room, then came back in carrying one of his bones which he promptly dropped right in front of Liam. By the time I got to my camera Liam had already scooted back a good 8 inches, but they were literally nose-to-nose for a few seconds. So cute. I had thought that once Liam was to the scooting/crawling stage I'd have to get a gate so I could keep Jack corralled to another part of the house so he wouldn't squish the baby, but he is so sweet and gentle that it hasn't been a problem at all. Occasionally, Liam gets a little startled when Jack tries to "share" with him by dropping his giant tug rope or one of his bones on him, but I figure Liam's early attempts to show kindness to our next child probably won't be that different.

My boys & their toys

Here are a few other new things from the past month:
On Christmas Liam's 5th tooth cut through, and his 6th one (which was on the brink FOREVER) finally broke through on the 11th of this month. So now his adorable toothy grin involves two sweet bottom teeth and four on top.
Eating solid foods is going okay. We've now introduced chicken to Liam's diet, but he's not a huge fan. He continues to not be all that excited about anything besides his cereal, squash, sweet potatoes & lima beans. He will eat most of the other veggies I try to give him, but it's a bit of a chore. He LOVES using his sippy cup to drink water, but we can't use the spill-proof insert yet because he hasn't figured out how to suck on the spout hard enough to get any water out, so unless cup usage is closely monitored we end up with this situation:

This Monday, the day before his 8 month birthday, Liam gave his first noticeably intentional wave to his Aunt Abbie as we were leaving my parents' house. He always sticks his arms out and twists his wrists a lot, just a funny quirk he has, so it has been hard to tell if/when he's attempting to wave. On Monday, though, he raised his little hand way up in the air so there was no mistaking his intention. He has been delighted with this skill and has spent this week waving to EVERYTHING. Josh, Jack, our friends, the windows, the front door ... it's pretty adorable.
I know he's still pretty young for this, but it also seems like he's getting really close to saying some words. He pretty regularly mimics "da-da-da" sounds, and does so more when Josh is around. He also will often make an "h" sound when I'm encouraging him to say "hi", and he has another sound that is really close to a "j" sound that he makes when we pet Jack and I repeat his name over and over. Either way, he's very verbal and makes tons of different sounds, both talking and crazy noises, ALL the time. My favorite sounds are when he first wakes up and whispers a lot, or when he's about to go to sleep and he sort of sings. Too precious.
A less fun development this month has been the onset of a bit of separation anxiety. Liam has always been a bit of a mama's boy and prefers that I hold him, but the last few weeks when I've dropped him off at the nursery at church he has started ~~crying~~ wailing as soon as we've gotten to his classroom, in anticipation of me leaving him there. He's also gotten a bit more opinionated - sort of yelling or just being kind of whiny when he's bored or doesn't like what we're doing. I am both intrigued and a little nervous about his personality (and sin nature) beginning to emerge more and more. But how could anyone be too nervous about this tiny man?

The 8 Month pic with Puppy

Even though I feel like this infant stage is flying by way too quickly, I can't wait to see (and hear) what the coming months have in store. Liam is such a fun little person to be with and I can't wait to get to know him better, as he grows in his ability to express himself.

On Shrinking

2011-01-07T23:38:00.002-06:00

It's been a great week. Not much time for blogging, because I've been trying to figure out how to fit p90x into my schedule and it really only works to do the workouts before Liam wakes up in the morning or after he goes to bed at night. This is also when I had been blogging in December, so it has fallen to the wayside this week. So far I'm LOVING p90x. I had started it about three different times over the past 5 months, but each time I lacked the planning & motivation to make it a priority, so it lasted about three days each time. This time I've made it 5 days (woo hoo!), so I think I've broken through a barrier. Yep, it's a pretty lame barrier, but you have celebrate the small successes, right?

Speaking of successes, I have to take a moment to promote a product ... just a quick unpaid advertisement to hopefully benefit some of my female friends out there who are still in the midst of their childbearing years. BUY SHRINKX HIPS. When I was pregnant I stumbled onto this product, I think through one of those annoying sidebar Facebook ads. I had never heard of it but the website and testimonials sold me on it and I convinced my husband that, if it worked, it was totally worth the money (I think I found it from some store online for $50). Anyway, it is basically a wide, thick elastic belt that is secured with super-strong elastic tabs. You're supposed to wear it 6-8 hours every day after you give birth for 6-8 weeks (while the hormone relaxin is still in your system), and the website claims that you should get your pre-pregnancy hips back. I certainly didn't wear it that faithfully, but I did pretty good with it. It was a little awkward under pants, but the pressure felt good on loose, weird post-pregnancy hips. I felt like I was able to get back in my old pants much quicker than I should have, considering how much weight I still needed to lose, so I thought it had worked, at least to some extent. Tonight I took my measurements so I can track how I'm doing with p90x and I found a place I had written down my measurements about two years ago. I'm not sure how much I weighed then, but it was probably about 15 lbs. less than I weigh now. Here's the fantastic news: my hip measurement is the SAME!!! Yep, that means that once I lose those 15 pounds my hips will be smaller than they were 2 years ago. So, sorry this is a very vain post, but I think other women deserve to know about this product, because it is magical.

End of story.

Hello, 2011!

2011-01-03T22:20:00.000-06:00

Ahh, a fresh, new year. I love how our calendar is laid out. I love that at the end of our years we get to celebrate Thankfulness and contemplate the ultimate gift of the Incarnation. We feast and fill a few weeks with as many festivities as we are able, and then ... a new start. We put away the gifts, fold up the boxes and gift bags for next year's use, and stash the ornaments back in the attic. Then we lace up our shoes and pray that we run through another twelve months in a manner worthy of celebrating once again, next December. We know we won't, though. We know that this year will be filled with the same lingering reminders of our humanity that has yet to be made perfect through the completion of our sanctification; and so we look forward, again, to celebrating the birth of the One who came to do that job for us.

So here we are. 2010 had a good run. I need not recap because, hey, that's what I've spent the last month doing with Reverb. I haven't quite made it through the last few days of writing because we spent the 26th-28th visiting family in St. Louis, and then as soon as we got home we had to get right to work with packing up Christmas and cleaning so that we'd be ready for my friend Megan's wedding shower to be held at our house yesterday. Here are a few pics of some of the festivities of the past couple of weeks.

Going wild in the photo booth at Uncle Zach's 16th birthday dance party

Enjoying the lights on the Fayetteville square with Papa & Grandma

He may not know what a stocking is, but he sure knows how to charm a camera

Lawson family Christmas

All bundled up at Silver Dollar City with Nana

Meeting sweet cousins Ginger & Josh at Christmas Eve lunch in Branson

More excitement about presents on Christmas day

Hanging out with new buddy, Uncle Michael - their first time to meet!

Christmas day service at church with Grandad & Nana

Happy Wedding Shower table!

Beautiful bride & her shower hostesses

Just a brief review of the past few weeks. I planned on writing about a few reverb prompts tonight, but then I got too distracted looking through tons of pictures and now I should go to bed. Liam's sixth tooth has been giving all three of us (Liam, Josh & I) a pretty rough time. He slept in our bed last night because it was the only place he would relax, which means pitiful sleep for mommy. Here's to a better night's rest!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jog

2010-12-28T23:44:00.000-06:00

Ahhh, we are home. Holiday travels are complete at last. I LOVE visiting with family and all of the sweet memories that are made, but there is something so refreshing about finally being back in our own home and knowing that all of the packing and unpacking is finished for awhile. This Christmas we kept up quite a busy schedule:
Saturday & Sunday (12/18-19): Christmas at the Lawson farm w/ Heather & Kyle
Monday (12/20): Work, Heather's graduation party
Tuesday(12/21): babysit Lilly, finish Christmas present wrapping
Wednesday(12/22): Silver Dollar City w/ my mom & sister
Thursday (12/23): Um, ended up being a mostly relaxing day - Josh had a long day at work though, with rehearsals for Christmas day service.
Friday (12/24): Quick trip to Branson for Christmas Eve lunch with the Lay family - Liam got to meet 5 cousins and one uncle he hadn't met yet - lots of fun! Then dinner at my parents & stockings, home for Liam's gifts from Josh & I.
Saturday (12/25): Christmas day with my family (+ the fun additions of my aunt Pam and our friend Marie).
Sunday-Tuesday (12/26-28): trip to St. Louis to visit with the Chappeau/Harnagel side of the family and to finish emptying out my grandmother's house (she died 3 years ago and the house just finally sold).
So, that's probably tedious to read, but I want to remember all that we did Liam's first Christmas. Ten days of celebration has been wonderful, but I'm ready for some down time! So, we've been home two hours, baby has been sleeping since we walked in the door, we are completely unpacked, first load of laundry done, gifts mostly put away: serenity.

Anyway, I fell a bit behind with reverb because of all the travels. So, here we go (prompt from the 28th): Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

Bagels, cream cheese & lox at my Great-Aunt Ruth's house. Every Christmas my mom's siblings and their children (the Chappeaus) and my mom's cousins (the Harnagels - Ralph & Ruth's children) and their children gather for a giant meal at Ralph & Ruth's house. Usually it is a day or two after Christmas ... when my grandma Gert was still living her children & grandchildren would spend Christmas day with her, while Ralph & Ruth's kids/grandkids would spend Christmas day with them. Then the next day, before everyone left to go home, we would all gather together. When my grandmother passed away I was sad, of course, that we would no longer have her with us in this life; but I was also sad and fearful that losing her meant we would lose our connection to the Harnagel side of the family.

Gratefully, this has not happened. We no longer spend Christmas day in St. Louis, and every other Christmas Josh and I are with his family instead of mine; but my family has maintained the tradition of gathering with the extended family as much as possible. This year was exceptionally special. All of the distant family from California, Alabama, and Nebraska were able to make the trip in to join the Missouri and Arkansas representatives. Liam loved meeting all of the greats and great-greats and seconds and thirds that he hadn't met before, and I loved watching him get cuddled and kissed to pieces.

Oh, the bagels and lox are part of the tradition. Ruth serves them as the appetizer every year - they touch my soul because whenever I taste bagels, cream cheese, and smoked salmon paired with a good glass of wine, my heart feels the comfort of our loving family.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T22:34:00.000-06:00

A Merry Christmas Reverb! Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I set up the camera on the timer to take this pic in our living room on Josh's birthday in October. We had just come back from a birthday dinner at Sushi King, one of our favorite spots. This picture reveals what I love and treasure most: my wonderful husband and our incredible son. I like that our living room is in the shot, too, because even though our home primarily houses our family, we strive to be a family of hospitality ... opening our doors and sharing the space God has so graciously given us with others. I want to grow in this area, but no matter how many people I host in this room, these two fellas are my priority.

2010-12-25T01:06:00.000-06:00

Christmas Eve Reverb: Everything's OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

Short and sweet. Christmas Eve is no time to sit around forever blogging. Listen to this message if you get a chance. On December 11, Gary Oliver joined with one of our pastors, Chip, to teach at our church service. Gary is an amazingly gifted author, speaker, therapist, husband, father, and most importantly, disciple of Christ. Gary has attended our church for quite some time and in the past we have been blessed to hear him teach a few times a year, but this year was different. Back in the early spring, I believe, he had a large portion of his tongue removed because of cancer and has had it somewhat reconstructed with grafts from his legs. For this reason, it is extremely exhausting for him to speak and it is quite difficult to understand him (if you listen, it make take your ears a few minutes to acclimate to how he sounds). Anyway, when I hear Gary speak it reminds me that everything's going to be alright. In the past decade he has gone from being a man whom anyone would look at from a distance and envy: nationally known speaker & author with a picture perfect family; to a man whose circumstances represent the deepest fears so many of us carry: death of a son, death of a wife, multiple bouts of cancer, loss of his ability to effectively use one of his most powerful tools - his tongue. If a man who has suffered the way he has is still able to live in the confidence and joy of the Lord, if he is still able to cling to the goodness of God, then I know that God can sustain me, too, no matter what trials He allows into my life.

I know it will be okay. Not because God will protect me from pain, loss, and suffering; but because He is Sovereign and has a beautiful plan to wipe away every tear from Gary's eyes someday. I can't wait to see that someday.

p.s. if you want to read more about the faith and journey of the Oliver family you can check out his late wife's journal (and some of his thoughts) here.

Pleased to Meet You

2010-12-23T16:13:00.000-06:00

December 23 Reverb: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

Well, my first thought is that I would introduce myself as Princess Consuela Bananahammock. This is (a) because over the course of the past decade I have spent WAY too much time watching Friends, so my automatic responses to certain questions inevitably come from the show; and (b) not true. I wouldn't actually want to introduce myself that way, my brain just needed to get the Friends response out of the way.

I like this question. I think about names a lot ... my name, my son's name, names I would want to give our future children, why people do or don't change their names after they get married, etc. If I could introduce myself by another name for just one day, I wouldn't. I would introduce myself as Stefanie Lawson. Mrs. Stefanie Nicole Lawson, if they wanted the whole shebang. I think names are so important, and I love the name my parents chose for me. Stefanie means "crowned one", and Nicole means "victory of the people". I have known for as long as I can remember that my name indicates that I am a victorious daughter of the King of Kings; and as I have gotten older I have learned to view my name as a call to help lead others to that same victory. Why would I want to call myself something different?

As for the Lawson part - I think a lot about why people take their husbands last name, take their wives last name, or hyphenate both together. I know there are lots of broad philosophies as well as specific, personal reasons behind the decisions newlyweds make about which surname will represent their new family. For me, the decision to take the Lawson name as my own was simple and beautiful. The New Testament repeatedly references the Church as being the bride of Christ, and also points to earthly marriage as a symbol of the union that is to come between the Church and her Savior. Marriage, therefore, is to be a rich allegory of that future reality. One small symbol that I think is especially meaningful is the taking on of a new name: a new identity. Isaiah is my favorite book of the Bible, and one particularly lovely passage is found in Isaiah 62:

For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
   for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
   her salvation like a blazing torch.
² The nations will see your vindication,
   and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
   that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
³ You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
   a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
⁴ No longer will they call you Deserted,
   or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,^[a]
   and your land Beulah^[b];
for the LORD will take delight in you,
   and your land will be married.
⁵ As a young man marries a young woman,
   so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
   so will your God rejoice over you.

Thanks, BibleGateway , highlighting my own.

I love that the Lord bestows on us a new name, and that who we are changes as we identify ourselves more and more with Him; instead of with our old selves, whom we allow to die. Now, I don't think there was anything wrong with my maiden name. I don't believe that in marriage I should completely abandon who I was before I was married and the way I was brought up in order to adopt the way my husband's family operates as my own. I do think marriage is a collaboration and that it takes a lot of work to blaze the trail of your new family unit. However, I love that when I hear my new last name and remember that it has not always belonged to me; it reminds me of other things about me that have been made new by Someone Else who loves me, and I am full of gratefulness that He did not leave me to be called deserted and desolate.

Travel, or Lack Thereof

2010-12-23T00:02:00.001-06:00

December 22nd Reverb: Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

Well, 2010 brought the smallest travel radius I have experienced since my freshman year of college. Seriously. No mission trips to Mexico, Guatemala, or Indonesia. No fun trips to Florida, New York, Oregon or Colorado. No London or Northern Ireland. Josh just reminded me that I did go to San Diego for a conference in January of 2010, but that hardly counts in my mind. I traveled alone and spent a week at a hotel/convention center in workshops about trauma from 8:00am-6:30pm and most of the rest of the time cross-stitching and watching t.v. in my hotel room alone because I about 24 weeks pregnant and tired and didn't feel like investing the energy in meeting other attendees that I could hang out with. I did skip out on workshops one afternoon and ate a delightful lunch overlooking this view:

I really enjoy traveling alone - briefly. I like figuring out what I'm doing and where to go on my own every once in a while. When I'm with other people I can be pretty indecisive because I want whatever decision is made to make everyone happy. When I'm on my own I can just do whatever I feel like and not worry about other people being bored or disappointed. This mode of travel is usually fun to me for about two days, at most, and then I really wish for company. So, California was not an awesome trip in 2010.

The rest of my travels were confined to Arkansas and adjoining states. In June we took Liam on his first road trip and went to Tulsa to watch Toy Story 3 with his Papa and Grandma at the IMAX. Grandma Jenny is a HUGE fan of the Toy Story movies and claims that Buzz Lightyear is her favorite actor, so she was very excited to introduce Liam to him and the whole gang. In retrospect I probably wouldn't recommend taking a 5-week-old to an IMAX. Even though he slept the entire time, I couldn't really relax and enjoy the movie because I was so anxious that my newborn would be deaf from over-exposure to loud noises. He seems to be okay.

Later that month we made a brief trip down to Little Rock to visit our friends the Spensts and the Pollacks; and then went on to a conference Josh was participating in that was held in Hot Springs. In July, while Josh was leading a father/son trip to Colorado, Liam and I went to St. Louis with my parents, where we were able to introduce him to his great-great-uncle Ralph and great-great-aunt Ruth, as well as some of his 2nd and 3rd cousins. I also got to enjoy a Cardinals baseball game with my dad - the remaking of our tradition throughout my childhood of traveling to Kansas City for Royals games, just the two of us.

The fall brought several trips to Silver Dollar City for Liam and me. The first time we went in early fall with Nana and Liam rode on his first ride.

The second visit was just last week: Josh and I took him to see the Christmas lights, and we were not disappointed. Liam LOVED them.

He did NOT, however, love Santa Claus.

Our third trip was today, with Nana & Aunt Abbie. I got a couple of cute shots, but haven't gotten them on the computer yet.

Liam's longest trip of 2010 (other than the one to California from inside my belly) was our Thanksgiving trek to Nashville to visit Aunt Millie & Uncle Kyle (Josh's sister, Heather [last name is Miller, hence Aunt Millie ... hoping he'll be able to pronounce that sooner than he'd be able to say Heather] and her husband). We drove through the night both ways, which was a great decision because he slept for the whole 8 hours of each trip. He had some teething issues which made sleep scarce while we were there, but he enjoyed getting to be the center of 6 adults' attention (Josh's parents met us there) for two solid days. He was also very impressed with Uncle Kyle's musical skills.

2010 holds just one more trip for our little family. We'll spend a couple more days with family in St. Louis for the holidays. As for 2011, I think a trip to Colorado may be in the works, and I'd love to introduce Liam to some old friends in Kansas City at some point. Beyond that I'm not really sure, but since every outing is a new adventure for a little one, I can't wait to explore with him.

P.S. When I began & titled this post I was thinking we really hadn't done anything this year. The exercise of thinking through each month and looking at pictures reminded me that even though we didn't do anything exotic, we had lots of special and memorable travels. What has diminished in the flashiness of our travels has been more than made up for in preciousness.

Dear Stefanie ...

2010-12-21T20:57:00.000-06:00

December 21 Reverb: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Dear Stefanie,
Dive head-first into 2011. You know those things you muse about or you and Josh dream of doing or representing as a family? This next year is the time to really start figuring out how to ground some of those castles in the air in reality. As the oldest (by a bunch) of 4 kids, you know how crazy life gets when there are multiple young children in the home. This year you just have one. I know life seems really full and kind of hectic right now, but you'll look back on this time as being simple ... the days when you only had one little one to wrangle and love on. The days when you only had 3 schedules to juggle instead of the ___ that you have to juggle now, 5 years later. Think about what you can be doing now to set in place the habits and priorities that you want to have later, because it isn't going to get any easier to implement new ideas later on.
Most importantly, focus on deepening your relationship with the Lord and with your husband. There are tons of things to distract you, but these two relationships are the most important for your heart and future and children. No amount of fun family activities or traditions can benefit your children more than having parents who love the Lord and one another, so don't let anything get in the way of you pursuing Jesus & Josh. Everything else will grow from that foundation. Also, don't take your schedule and plans so seriously. You have a tendency to think you and your plans are WAY more important than they are, and you will miss amazing opportunities to know the hearts of others over the next 5 years if you don't get off you high horse.
Love,
33 year-old Stefanie

(I'd write about the bonus prompt, but SNL's Very Gilly Christmas is on & Josh just got home from community group, so I think we'll just enjoy that together instead).

No More Excuses

2010-12-21T20:41:00.000-06:00

Here's yesterday's reverb, because Josh's parents got us a Kinect for Christmas and last night was more about competition than getting caught up on blogging. Tonight he's at community group and I'm at home with a teething baby who is (gratefully) sleeping now.

Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

Okay, so I sort of hate what I'm going to write about, because I think it sounds shallow, or maybe vain. But, it's honest, so here it is. In 2010 I didn't apply myself with any sort of regularity to getting rid of the excess weight I've gained between a couple of years of working full-time in a very emotionally draining setting and that which came from having a baby. I avoided working out early in 2010 because I was quite pregnant and swollen and afraid that being on my feet more than was absolutely necessary would push me into mandated bed-rest. Then, when Liam was around 8 weeks old I jumped back into exercising and started having lots of supply issues in my efforts to feed him. No need for details on the internet, but over the next couple of months I went to great lengths to try to feed my baby as naturally as possible, in spite of lots of issues with that endeavor. I had to work so hard to maintain my meager milk supply, I decided to just forget about working out until Liam was 6 months old, which was my breastfeeding goal. I didn't want to make things harder on myself, and I was doing so much that was feeding related, I really didn't have time to work out, anyway.

After the 6 month mark I started exercising again, and cutting calories, but unfortunately this turning point came about 2 weeks before the start of the holiday season, so it has been hard to develop any kind of regular schedule, or to use constraint in unnecessary food intake. I'm not too worried about the baby weight - I have hardly any of that left - but I am a little nervous about the other pounds that had accumulated over the year before I got pregnant. Prior to the last couple of years, I never had any trouble losing weight. I'd just make some small changes and in no time at all I would have lost whatever amount it was I was hoping to. I'm not sure what combination of factors has contributed to this being different lately: getting older and metabolism slowing, having a much busier schedule, working as a therapist, being less disciplined than I used to be, etc. Whatever it is, I know there are lots of 28 year old women who have babies and busy lives and are able to maintain a healthy weight without making their lives all about how they look. In 2011, I'd like to be one of those women.

New Eyes

2010-12-20T23:40:00.000-06:00

I didn't blog about yesterday's reverb because I had the toughest time deciding how to respond to it. The prompt was: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? I really struggled to come up with a genuine response because, honestly, 2010 was an awesome year that was packed to the brim with joyful, productive activity. If I had been asked in 2008 or 2009 what I had been healed from I would have had some really meaningful thoughts, but this year has just been peaceful and exciting.

I do think, though, that in the past year the Lord has dissolved some small callouses that had developed on my heart. After attending JBU for 7 years (no worries, I did get two degrees out of it) and being deeply immersed in a church culture that greatly values small groups, my eyes had started to glaze over any time I heard the word "community". (For anyone reading this blog who didn't attend JBU, community was probably the most frequently spoken word on campus). I've known what it is like to be without community - I struggled all through high school, when we moved to a new state, to find the same close-knit encouragement I had known in the community where I grew up. I agonized one summer in the beauty of N. Ireland because I didn't really have a community with whom I could enjoy my adventures. However, the past decade of SATURATION in more opportunities to commune with folks than I know what to do with has diminished my appreciation for what I have.
2010 has brought, as I have mentioned in other posts, a wonderful community group. God has used the, now dear, friends in this group to give me new eyes for community. I'm not even sure what it is about this group - we have friends we absolutely treasure and who are extremely important to us outside of it - but there is something really special about the 6 couples (plus one two-year-old and one 7-month-old) who meet together weekly. I remember why community beautiful and a privilege. I love seeing them each week and am so thankful they know our lives. I don't know that my eyes were 'healed', per se, but I think they were given a bit of a tune-up this year.

New Horizons

2010-12-18T17:19:00.000-06:00

December 18 Reverb prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?

Hmmm, there are always tons of things I'm wanting to try. It's hard to choose, but perhaps if I just pick something and type it, then I'll actually end up doing it? I'd love to learn to make felt baby booties in 2011. Something like these:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=5237815

http://blisstree.com/live/free-pattern-to-make-your-own-baby-booties/

I have lots of friends who are having babies in 2011, and I think these would be a sweet, personal gift. In 2010 there were a couple of projects I wanted to do. One of them was to build our own bookshelves for our front room (I really want to call that room the library or the study but I feel like it sounds pretentious - is it?). We did not attempt this project, and I am SO glad. We had some of the men who work in building and grounds at our church build them for us which they did very amazingly and cost-effectively. They are fantastic. Something else I wanted to try was making our stockings, which I posted pictures of a while back. They still aren't quite finished, but they are darling. So there you have it - if I actually make the booties I'll definitely put up pics of them!

Learning Lessons

2010-12-18T00:09:00.000-06:00

Today's reverb prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

This year I learned that I really do love being a woman. Yep ... kind of weird, I know. I've been a woman (well, at least a female) for all of my 28 years, and it's taken this long to realize that I'm really grateful that I am one. Now, don't get me wrong ... I've never struggled with gender identity issues (the counselor in me is forcing me to make that disclaimer), but I've often found myself feeling frustrated about my role, or the role I feel God is calling me to? I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. Some examples will probably make more sense: I used to REALLY want to work in youth ministry, but it made me frustrated that I knew I'd really only be able to do that for a few years before I'd have kids and then by the time my kids were grown I'd be too old (at least I think I'd feel to old) to work in youth ministry. I wrote earlier in the month about my desire to get my PhD. I used to get frustrated that I had to think about how doing that would fit around starting/raising a family. I suppose if I was very career-driven I wouldn't have had some of the angst that I've experienced in this regard; but I'm not. I love to learn and I love to work with organizations and young people, but I have always felt that when I have children it is important for me to be at home with them as much as possible. To make home a special place: a place with warm cookies and days at the playground and snuggles and books in bed. The kind of place I was raised in, the kind of place that can only happen if one of the parents is pouring most of her energy into creating it.

I used to be frustrated that I had these conflicting desires: to advance, (to be completely honest) to keep up with the guys in my field; yet also to raise a family and to be deeply committed to our home life. I used to think it must be so much easier to just be a man. The men I see who are committed to providing for their family seem to have the freedom to charge ahead in their areas of work-related interest. I know men have tons of pressure and responsibility they deal with, so I'm not saying my musings when I've been frustrated in the past are reality, just my musings. Anyway, all of this to say, this year I've learned that I love being a woman.

Sure, I'll think it's pretty neat someday if I get to get that doctorate degree, or write a book, or teach some classes. I've learned, though, that the call to worship the Lord through late night feedings, singing little songs about how great God is, and through teaching a young heart how to trust and depend on a provider is a call I can't even believe I'm so privileged to have. It's so amazing (and heavy) to realize that I am teaching my son through EVERYTHING I do. I get to teach him joyful contentment when we play and sing while I fold clothes or wash dishes. I get to teach him how to submit to God-given authorities when he sees me get on board with Josh's plans. I get to teach him that God made him unique and for a special purpose when I delight in the things he loves and encourage him to pursue them. I get to teach him to be a good steward of God's gifts when I give him healthy food to eat, or put cardboard in the recycling bin, or buy cheaper brands so we can give more. (Another disclaimer: I'm not saying I'm awesome, or even good, at doing all of this stuff now; I'm just saying it is stuff I get to do).
As I move forward into 2011, I will apply my new-found appreciation for my womanhood by continuing to look for the teachable moments and the hidden significance in everything I do. Not, hopefully, out of a need to make myself feel important and significant; but so that I can model to a little pair of bright blue eyes what Paul meant when he said, "whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Friends

2010-12-17T23:34:00.001-06:00

I didn't write again yesterday, because yesterday's prompt really tripped me up. I had a hard time deciding exactly what I wanted to write about. The prompt doesn't seem like it should have been that difficult: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? But for some reason it was just really difficult for me to decide what I have been most impacted by in friendship this year.

Two friends who have changed my perspective on the world over the past year or so are Megan and Andrea. I have worked with these women for two and a half years. For the past year and a half, Megan and her (now) fiance have been in community group with Josh and I. In addition to the bond that has been created between us through working for the same organization, attending the same church, and belonging to the same small group; she and I also share the experience of being educated through the same graduate counseling program, which she will be graduating from in the spring. Andrea and I go to church together, as well, and attended the same university for both our undergraduate and graduate degrees; but we were never really friends until we started working together.

As I write this I am realizing that I don't get that much time for deep, one-on-one conversations with either of these friends; but who they are always challenges me in my walk with the Lord. Megan and Andrea both exemplify an enthusiasm and an openness that I long for in my own life. They ask the questions they have, no matter what they are. People are drawn to their guilelessness. There is something so beautifully simple, yet mature, about the way they love the Lord. I struggle to let down my guard and be vulnerable in these ways. I know that no one is perfect, but I guess I still tend to want people to think I am. Perhaps it is because I have really been trying to walk with the Lord for so long - since I was a little girl - so I tend to think that I should have my act together, know all the answers, and be a good example in all areas of my life. I know it's ridiculous, but I get pretty down on myself when I feel like I've let someone down in one of these areas. Andrea & Megan encourage me so much as I watch their lightheartedness in simply being who they are. Through them I have begun to see what a burden I carry around when I try to answer all my own questions and find my own way. Their freedom is helping me learn to relax.

5 Minutes

2010-12-15T23:10:00.000-06:00

Today's prompt is interesting: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. I think this is kind of tough because I've already written about some of my most memorable moments of 2010, so I'll only briefly mention that moment in my 5 minutes because I don't want to be redundant. Alright, 5 minutes on the clock ...

I want to remember that the next time I'm pregnant I need to really watch salt intake because when I was pregnant with Liam I swelled - A LOT. I want to remember that labor is really as painful as everyone makes it out to be. I had an epidural for most of the time, but then when it mattered most the epidural bag had gone dry, so I got to experience natural birth as well. Next time I want an epidural. An epidural for the entire time. My husband's face when Liam was born: awe and wonder. Sleeping on the couch with Liam on my chest when he would wake up in the middle of the night and not want to go back to sleep. The way he would curl up in a tiny ball on my chest to be comforted when he was a newborn. The way he lights up when I'm holding him and his daddy is chasing us or just making silly faces at him. This is his favorite place to be at this stage - cuddled with me while playing with daddy. The way he startles when he's first around new people, but quickly warms up to them and flirts like crazy. At 7 months old his form of flirting is shaking his head back and forth and giggling for as long as he's getting attention.

Wow. That flew by. Thank goodness that my memory is functioning, but it's fun to see what popped into my mind. Thanks, Lord, for memories, photos, blogs, baby books and journals.

Gratitude

2010-12-15T10:28:00.001-06:00

I'm nearly caught up - a post this morning & a post this evening and I will be back on track with Reverb. I love yesterday's prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I have had SO much to be grateful for during the year 2010, but I think what I have "come to appreciate most" this year is the beautiful part of the body of Christ that I am blessed to belong to. I have always loved my church - I've attended Fellowship since I was in 4th grade (except for the four years I lived in Kansas City) - but this year I have especially come to appreciate the specific people who are part of our lives because of our church.

I love these sweet girls (now in 7th grade, this was taken last year when I was pregnant) whose small group I've led for the past 3 years. They would always tell me I was a 'cute pregnant lady' and now are so sweet with Liam. (My co-leader was headed to prom ... she didn't generally wear formals to church.)

I SO appreciate these sweet friends from church. They threw a shower a few weeks before Liam was born, organized meals for us so I didn't have to cook for OVER A MONTH after he was born, and just recently gave me an amazing gift card to a local spa for my birthday! Such precious generous girls!

I appreciated sweet friends like Becky & Martha ...

and Ginny & Matt, who came to hang out with us at the hospital and have been steady, constant friends and encouragers over the past several years.

I appreciate friends like the Benningtons, who had a baby close to the same time we did - it was so fun to have a friend to share pregnancy and new mommyhood with. It helps so much to have someone else in your life who cares about things like a sleep schedules and feedings and making baby food.

I appreciate our community group (whom I apparently haven't done a good job of photographing - this pic of Alex w/Liam is the only one I have of anyone in our group. Whoops.) Our group has been so sweet to pray for us, encourage us, love on our boy, and be patient with us when he's fussing or stealing the show with his giggles and squeals during group.

What a gift to be able to stand in front of so many of these dear brothers and sisters, and so many more, to dedicate our son to the Lord. I am so grateful that God has been so generous in granting us these relationships.

Catching Up

2010-12-14T22:27:00.000-06:00

I'm a bit behind with the Reverb prompts. So, right to business ...
Day 12: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

It was not as much of a moment as it was a period of time. I have never been more clued in to what is going on in my body as I was in the late stages of pregnancy. My blood pressure was quite high, I was retaining water and swelling like crazy, and I started dilating a month before I was due. I was so aware all day, every day, of what was happening in my body. I was aware of how what I ate affected me (bananas made me swell less, chips or Asian foods made me swell more) and I was VERY aware of how much I had been on my feet each day. I'd say those last few weeks I was very alive & present - terribly uncomfortable, but integrated nonetheless.

Day 13: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

I'd say I'm doing it. In the last two months I have rearranged some aspects of my schedule and made some commitments that are enabling me to achieve the goals that are important to me. I love making/creating things , so I've begun some projects. Every year I've intended to send out Christmas cards but have never gotten around to it: I just finished addressing this year's cards. I want to lose the rest of my baby weight and get fit: I've started going to bed earlier so I can get up and workout before Liam wakes up a few mornings a week. I want to do a better job at preparing healthy meals for our family: I've started (most weeks) preparing a meal plan at the beginning of the week and doing my grocery shopping then so we don't default to junk food/fast food.

I feel like this is sort of a boring post, but our community group went late tonight and I need to go to bed so I can work out in the morning. My next step to achieving one of my goals is ending this post and going to sleep.

11 Things

2010-12-11T21:34:00.000-06:00

Reverb prompt of the day: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

Since I spent a long time on Liam's 7 month post, this one will be short and sweet. Here are my eleven things:
1. Some pounds. I won't say how many because I'm not sure I think it's lady-like to get to specific about weight on the internet, but there are definitely some pounds my life doesn't need in 2011.
2. Laziness
3. Self-centeredness
4. Ungratefulness
5. Selfish ambition
6. A judgmental attitude
7. Fear
8. Anxiety
9. Lack of discipline
10. Impatience
11. Discontentment

The first one I will (hopefully) eliminate by good old healthy eating and exercise. I'd really love to do another triathlon in April, but I'm still debating whether or not training for it over the next four months is realistic. The other 10 things on the list will not be eliminated in 2011. However, as I seek the Lord and spend time in His Word, I trust that He will continue to sanctify me and lessen the influence of these things in my life.

Getting rid of the extra weight will change my life only in that my clothing will fit more comfortably and I'll feel better about myself. Deep, huh? If those other 10 items were totally eliminated from my life I think I'd be really close to perfect. Like I said, that's not gonna happen in 2011, but if I'm able to be rid of even a bit of each of those things I'll be a better wife, mother, friend, and counselor.