Three!

  I can't believe a full year has gone by since we took this picture on the day Liam turned 2! How can he be 3 already?

His face has lost so much of the remaining babyish look that it still had last year ... why is it so sad to watch little ones grow up? Isn't that what we hope for them to do?

Three years ago this precious, scrawny little 7lb. 1oz. bundle came into the world. Bright-eyed and alert and cuddly. He wasn't a great eater, but he was sweet and loved sleeping in a little ball on my chest. I think I spent most of my waking hours those first few months just sitting on the couch and feeding him, talking to him, taking pictures of him, or napping with him. I wept tears of gratefulness and joy all the time. I remember meditating often on what Mary must have experienced when she watched her firstborn son sacrificed on the cross and being brought low at the thought of if.

By the time he turned one, Liam was walking a little bit, saying a few words, and charming our socks off. Such a sweet, good-tempered little man. He was curious, of course, but never needed too much redirection when he got interested in something he shouldn't. He loved playing with balls and reading books.

For anyone reading this who happens to have only one child who is one year of age or younger, please take note of the crazy differences between a 4 day old and a one year old, and then the difference between a one year old and a two year old. Yikes! Such massive development happens SO quickly. It's awesome and gut-wrenching. By his second birthday Liam had gone from having a light dusting of hair with teeny flip curls in the back to having a full, curly, golden mane (yes, I know it's ridiculous how obsessed we are with our sons hair). At age two Liam had lots to say. He loved baseball and reading books. He still had a little bit of baby roundness in his cheeks.

 And now, big man is three. This pic is a little blurry and his teeth are a little green from a cupcake, but the giant cheesy smile is typical. He is a sweet son - always giving "squeezy hugs" and a master of puppy, eskimo, butterfly, and boy (regular) kisses. He is quick to say "thank you" and quick to say "I'm sorry I 'sobeyed you," or "sorry I was fwustwated" (which may give you a clue as to what he often hears his mommy say).

At some points during the day, I will stop and try to remember the last time he was quiet - aside from when he was asleep. He talks. And talks. And talks. And sings. He tells stories, announces imaginary baseball games, carries on both sides of conversations between himself and his toys or sometimes between himself and his sister. He sings songs, both real and made up. He likes doing hand motions to Jesus Loves Me, but the song he requests most frequently is David Crowder's Sing Like the Saved. He's loving David Crowder so much lately that most of his made up songs end with him saying, "Amen." 

He's a fantastic big brother. He "encowages" his baby sister often, like when she cries in the car and he says, "it's okay, Cowa, I'm right here," or, "you don't need to cwy!" or, "hey, cwanky-pants!" He gives her big hugs and kisses and always makes sure we are planning on bringing her along with us, wherever we are going. When we got a babysitter for her tonight so we could take him on a Daddy/Mommy/Liam date to the baseball game he just kept asking what she was doing and saying that she wanted to come. He tries to teach her to talk. He gets frustrated when she grabs his toys and sometimes he is too rough, sometimes on purpose, sometimes accidentally. He just turned three, though, so I don't expect perfect impulse control (mine isn't always as great as I'd like it to be, either). He loves figuring out new games that they can play together and they laugh and laugh.

He (finally) loves going to class at church. Sometime early in 2013 the tearful goodbyes finally stopped and now he is always so excited to see his friends and teachers. He wears big boy underwear for all of his waking hours and never really has accidents anymore. He sleeps in a firetruck toddler bed. He doesn't have pacis. He sometimes drinks from big boy cups (without lids), and just the other day I started teaching him how to use safety scissors.

Liam loves learning new things and is getting better and better at counting items. He still has some trouble counting past 14 because he gets in a hurry and skips numbers, but he recognizes numbers I don't remember teaching him and will say things like, "look, there's a 71!" and be correct. He will usually correctly identify the sounds of the letters and likes playing the "reading" game on my phone (Bob Books). He really enjoys puzzles now, and wants to color or paint at least a couple of times a week. But baseball ... baseball is still king. It's hard to get annoyed about baseballs going over the fence when the occurrence is accompanied by shouts of, "I hit it out of the park!" And he does, this kid would hit baseballs all day long. 

He still drinks hot milk (very important that it be hot, not just warm) every morning and night, and takes a one and half to two hour nap every afternoon. Falling asleep for those naps can be tricky, though, and when I go to his room to remind him to be quiet and lay down he says, "but mom, I was just talking about baseball." He is getting so big, but is still so little.

We love you, sweet buddy, and can't wait to enjoy every day of the next year with you!

Dear Cora: 10 Months

Dear Cora,

  Today you turn 10 months old ... actually at the very moment I am typing this you turn 10 months old. 10 months sweet, 10 months silly, 10 months determined.  We can't get enough of you, Baby.

 

 It seems that not much has changed in the past month, except that you are doing everything faster and better than when you turned 9 months old. Your eating and sleeping schedule is the same, but you have been hungrier lately. Finger foods are your favorite and you've taken a great interest in drinking water through your sippy straw cup and holding your own food pouches, which is how you normally eat when we are out somewhere. Occasionally you even want to hold your own bottle, but I try not to encourage that too much. You're already too wiggly and busy to cuddle for long, so I would like you to rely on my arms for bottle-feeding as long as possible. You've also started trying to feed me your bottle, which is pretty sweet. A little mama already.

  A little mama on the go. From day one of crawling you were pretty confident, so now, over a month later, you fly. You crawl with your arms in a wide stance, which makes you look a bit like a cute little bulldog, and you usually make a loud panting sound as you attempt to catch up with Liam. You have also perfected the art of cruising, and just this week you've been playing with the idea of standing on your own. You'll let go of whatever you were holding on to for a few seconds before you grab back on or sit down, and you look SO pleased with your accomplishment. You don't care too much for holding our fingers and trying to walk - I think because you have places to go and you know how fast you can get there crawling. Why mess around with wobbly walking?

 Your personality is so darling. From a distance you'll play games with anyone; but if someone gets too close, you get pretty nervous that they might hold you. I think if you had a vocabulary right now your number one rule would be, "Thou shalt not hold me (unless you are my mom)." You actually do fine with other people holding you as long as I'm not around, but you make it pretty clear that you need to be in my arms if we're in the same room. Now that you can follow me you usually recover from the sadness of me walking into the kitchen or laundry room much more quickly. Oh, and on an unrelated note, did I mention that your hair is finally long enough to clip a tiny bow into it? It's so precious!

 Clapping is probably your favorite trick, these days. You clap anytime I say, "good job!" or when I turn on music in the car. You and Liam have also added clapping to your mealtime repertoire, so it's nice that sometimes you are engaging in that, quieter, activity instead of just squealing back and forth. You also wave, play peek-a-boo, blow kisses, and occasionally point. The pointing isn't really specific yet, but you practice getting that little finger out, especially when we read. Your shy routine is a hoot. You'll give a huge smile to someone and then quickly duck your head into my shoulder and peek at them with a coy little grin. I think you might be aware of how cute it is.

 I'm really starting to see some wonderful aspects of your determined nature developing (as opposed to simply refusing to go to sleep for the first 3 months of your life). You seem to have a lot of patience when you are attempting to figure something out ... perhaps more fine motor determination than I ever saw in your brother when he was a baby. You love playing with the Little People barn: putting the animals in and taking them back out. I think our favorite thing that you do right now is "sing" into the microphone on a Vtech toy Liam got for Christmas. You are quite the performer, sticking it into your mouth and making all sorts of faces as you hum/yell into it.

  I love that shot of you and your sweet brother. You both stood and watched your Daddy mow the yard for about 10 minutes - you with your dimpled fingers gripping the windowsill and your little eyes barely able to peek out. I know there are going to be times in your life when you won't believe this, but your big brother thinks the world of you. Just tonight, as I was getting your jammies on, he looked at you and said, "She is so adorable! She is a sweet precious." I know the two of you will have plenty of fights and frustrations as you grow up, but it's my prayer that the Lord will grow in both of you a deep affection and respect for one another. I hope you always look out for one another and are able to truly enjoy and appreciate each other when you are adults. Your Daddy and I will do our very best to help foster that relationship.

  This month has brought some sweet memories and fun times with friends. Little Rooney and her parents came to a baseball game with us a few weeks ago, and you were both happy to cheer on the Razorbacks.

Then, two weeks ago, you got to meet your new friend, MaeLynn! Her mommy and daddy just brought her home from China last month, and the two of you seemed as interested in one another as any 9 month old and 13 month old ever are. You're such cuties!

We took our first mini-trip (besides the 20 hours we spent in St. Louis with family at Christmas) at the end of April. Grandad & Nana graciously gave us a couple of days at the apartment in Kansas City. You and your brother did great on the drive, and even though you both woke an hour or two earlier than normal both mornings, it was better than we expected. 

We played in Loose Park, where I used to come look at the roses when I was in high school.

and we ate at Fritz's in Crown Center. You and your brother loved watching the trains drive by.

We had lots of play time as a family, and we even got to spend some time with my old friends, Amanda & Joel, and meet their sweet boys, who are the same ages and you and Liam. We had a wonderful time and are looking forward to lots of fun family trips in the future!

For your monthly pictures this month, I dressed you in your Easter dress even though Easter was back in March. You just look so precious in white and I know you won't have many more opportunities to wear it.

I love your cheesy face in the picture below ... you look so old!

And of course, Liam joined you for some sibling pictures. I'm constantly amazed that my eyes are so dark and you both have such blue, blue eyes.

And this one your Daddy calls your rockstar picture. Nice poses!

I love you so much, sweetie girl!

Love,
    Mommy

The Gift of Gab

  The older Liam gets, the more obvious it becomes that he has an uncanny ability to win hearts with his words. He moves seamlessly from hilarious to courteous to precious. In order to really keep track of all of the awesome stuff he says I would have to carry a small notebook and pen with me at all times and accomplish nothing else. Or, better yet, a mini-recorder. So, I can't keep up with everything, but here, in no particular order, are some recent favorite conversations/comments:

  Josh and I were talking about someone getting married and Liam announced, "I'm getting married." When asked who he was going to marry he responded, "I'm going to marry a mommy like you, Mommy. But she will be a plain mommy because she will not have long hair like you and me."

  He's become Cora's biggest fan ever since she started crawling last month. He talks to her and tries to cuddle or wrestle her all the time. He picks up on little names he hears us call her and adopts them as his own nicknames for her. Like this morning, when he called her "sweet princess" all throughout breakfast.

  For Easter, Josh and I gave Liam and Cora a book called Humble Heart: A Book of Virtues. We usually read one of the little stories every night during our bedtime reading/cuddle time. Liam loved the story of Barnabas Bunny and has really latched onto the idea of encouragement. Now, every time Cora starts crying in the car he will say something like, "It's okay, Cowa, I'm right here. We'll be there soon!" He follows up these comments by stating, "I'm encowaging her, Mom!" It's so great.

  Recently, at dinner, Liam held out his hand to daddy and Josh showed him how to shake hands and told him that when we meet people we shake their hands and say, "it's nice to meet you!" We didn't think anything of it and didn't mention it again; but a couple of days later we were at a crawfish boil at our friends house, and upon arrival Liam walked right up to our friend Nick, stuck out his hand and said, "it's nice to meet you!" He has repeated this 3 or 4 more times and we can't get enough of it!

  Speaking of meeting new people ... he loves it. He will often initiate conversation with strangers, and usually it goes like this: "Do you have a dog at your house? What is your dog's name? I have puppy Jack. He is a great dane. (Then I remind him that Jack is not a great dane) He's a golden retriever." Then, if they continue asking him questions he'll generally end up talking about baseball, because that is his area of expertise.

  When speaking with a man he deems extra cool, Liam will sort of scowl and talk in a deep voice. He also uses more hand gestures than normal, and it's hilarious. I think my favorite part of these scenarios is the fact that he talks about the same things he normally would - puppies and baseball - just with a manlier demeanor. Currently, some of his favorite men (aside from his daddy, grandpas, and uncles) are Mr. Tripp (a good friend of ours), Mr. Kelly (who owns the donut shop we go to on Friday mornings, Mr. Tim & Mr. Jason (who work at the donut shop), Dr. Alex (a friend in our community group), and Mr. Max (who works for the church and has been helping fix our drywall following a burst pipe incident).

  When Liam can't be playing baseball, he announces baseball games. It is not uncommon for me to hear something like this coming from the backseat as we drive down the road: "Now batting for the Razorbacks, Joe Serrano (or Tyler Spoon or Jacob Mahan - the favorites this season)! And its a swing and a miss. Two balls, two strikes. And a foul tip!" And on and on it goes. He also randomly bursts out singing, "Everybody clap your hands!" or chanting, "ball four, ball four."

  Although most of his imaginative energy is focused on baseball, he also spends a lot of time pretending he is a dog or talking to imaginary puppies. The puppies tend to show up on the way to church, so I generally spend our trip from the car to his classroom explaining to people what he's talking about when he points behind himself and starts telling them about his dogs.

  Gosh, I wish I could think of more at the moment; but the stories are so unending that it's hard to keep them all in my head. Liam is usually still chatting, even as we tuck him into bed. We've had to start just leaving the room and closing the door mid-sentence because he would keep talking indefinitely if we didn't. We're so thankful for our personable boy!

Freedom Seeds

 There is a line from a song that won’t stop running through my head: “Tomorrow’s freedom is today’s surrender.” The song is called “Dawn to Dusk,” and it was written by All Sons and Daughters, a band I can’t get enough of these days. A number of their songs speak to me; but this line in particular has burrowed deep, and I find myself meditating on its truth over and over again.

It isn’t just the lyric’s message, you know. Scripture shouts freedom as well:

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
2 Corinthians 3:17

“For freedom Christ has set us free …”
Galatians 5:1

“For you were called to freedom, brothers …”
Galatians 5:13

Ah, sweet freedom. Who doesn’t want it? It’s the part that comes before that makes freedom seem so elusive: the surrender. The unclenching of the fists. The deep sigh and the nodding head and
utterance of the words “okay, I’ll obey.” Why do I always seem to think that I am being somehow
heroic when I choose to let God have control in an area of my life? Why do I ever believe the lie that life will be better if I just lean on my own understanding or follow my heart?

Another phrase that has been meandering through my mind for a couple of months now is “the law of the harvest.” Basically, you reap what you sow—if you diligently worked a field and planted
generously, your harvest would be much greater than if you neglected the field and were stingy with your seeds. We are always sowing, you know? Always planting, building, investing—however you want to view it. The energy I spend today is going toward something that will come to fruition later.

So I keep asking myself, are my decisions and practices today going to yield what I hope for
tomorrow? More importantly, what is the long-term trajectory of my daily habits? Choosing to live in worry or fear, prioritizing comfort over obedience, pretending that I am in control … these practices will bring me a harvest of bondage and anxiety. On the other hand, surrender today is tomorrow’s freedom. A difficult apology and the hard work of restoring a relationship today will yield greater freedom in my heart and relationships tomorrow. Surrendering my desire to spend money any way I see fit today will bring greater freedom in giving and greater freedom from being ruled by my possessions
tomorrow. Saying yes when God gives me a task that seems intimidating today will birth new freedom in my life tomorrow as I remember that I’m here for His glory, not mine.

Surrender can feel like stepping off a cliff—scary, unnecessary, even foolish at times—but “underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deut. 33:27, NIV). When I try to control my life, I am imagining that I can see what the future holds and that I know what will work best. When I surrender, I am forced to acknowledge that I don’t know what is coming; but the One who does know is trustworthy and good.

Jesus, please help me to sow the seeds of surrender today so that tomorrow I can dance in the abundant fields of Your freedom.

(For some reflection questions related to these thoughts, see the Fellowship Women's Ministry blog this week).

Social Media: A Manifesto

  Have you read this article about "instagramming your perfect life?" I've seen it all over Facebook lately, and if you haven't read it you've probably read some sort of similar article. Basically, it is a reminder of what we already know: people tend to share pictures on social media of pleasant/happy/exciting things that are happening in their lives and not of frustrating/messy/exhausting/mundane incidents. Thus, if you are bored or lonely and you look and social media, it will probably make you feel worse.

  Honestly, chewing on this whole concept is part of what has kept me from blogging much for the past couple of months (except for Cora's monthly updates) - that along with some unresolved thoughts about privacy issues (ie; to password protect the blog or not? how to respect my children's feelings/privacy as I blog about them? who reads this thing anyway and how do I feel about the potential that counseling clients could Google me and read about my family? is it foolish to spew pics of my little sweeties out into the interwebs?).  So, instead of blogging about my thoughts I've been thinking about my blog. Occasionally I think I should just pull the plug on social media altogether, but then I think of all the ways I feel more connected to people I care about because I read their blogs or see their kids' cute faces on Instagram and I take a few steps back from that ledge.

  A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with a woman who has served as a major encourager in my life and was unloading some of my social media angst onto her. Though her words were gentle and carefully spoken, there was enough hesitation and a bit of a look in her eye that communicated to me, "you can chill out just a little bit." I am quick to recognize the signs of that particular non-verbal message, because I need it a lot. I've always been one to pace so many circles around an issue (or non-issue) that I end up wearing away a trench that I have trouble getting out of. I just get sucked into intensity, I think.

  Anyway, I'm still not sure where I land on the whole privacy issue; and I'd love to hear from others how you have decided what to share online, specifically as it relates to your kids. However, when it comes to the idea that we put on our best face for social media, I think I have come to some conclusions regarding how I present myself and my family:

•   I think I am very similar online to who I am in person: when I leave my house, usually I put on make-up and change out of my pajamas (since kids though, the make-up is a lot more negotiable). Usually when people are coming over to my house, I at least try to pick it up, sweep up the dog hair, and peel the slobbery puffs and yogurt melt off whatever surfaces they have cemented themselves to. Do I do these things because I want everyone to think that I have a perfect house and that I am always perfectly coiffed? Heavens no. It makes me feel better to present myself in a fresh, clean way, and I like to invite others into a home that has at least some semblance of peace as opposed to messy chaos. So, if that's what I do in person, why would I behave differently in the world of social media? Sure I usually have make-up on in pictures I post, and I may crop a shot of my kids to exclude the pile of dirty laundry or the messy kitchen table; but it isn't because I want people to think we don't ever have messes. It's because I want the focus of the photo to be on what is precious or special to me about that moment - the sweet smiles or the silly wrestling - not the fact that my house bears witness to my long chore list.

•  Don't we usually want to document the good? When I look back through old family albums and baby books, I don't find that my mom took tons of pictures of dirty dishes in the sink or people arguing with each other. Yes, we had dirty dishes and we argued, but I'm guessing that's not really what she was hoping she'd look back on and remember when she is 80. Likewise, when I take pics of happy times, I am highlighting what I wish to remember. It's also a great way to train my brain to focus on what is good and lovely in my life, and isn't that Biblical? ("... whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on such things" Phil. 4:8) I want my life to draw attention to the beauty God has created around me, not chaos and drudgery.

• I assume that the people I interact with on social media are responsible for themselves, just as I am responsible for myself. There have been times when I have had to stop following someone on Twitter or hide someone's updates from my Facebook feed because of my own sin issues of being judgmental or envious. There are times I have had to take a break from posting things myself because of my own sin issues of pride or desire for affirmation. Matthew 5:29 says, "if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away ..." If reading my blog or seeing my posts on some social media venue causes someone else to struggle, I sincerely hope that they would unfriend, unfollow, or stop reading. I will not be offended. I will not hunt them down and question them. I know that seeing joy when you are hurting can be painful and amplify the discontent. In my "in person" relationships with friends I strive to be sensitive to what is going on in their life as we converse,  but it just isn't possible to be sensitive to multiple life situations when using a more impersonal form of communication. I can try my best to avoid writing stupid, insensitive things; but I can't know when something I post innocently may be difficult for someone else to deal with. For example, when I had a miscarriage just before becoming pregnant with Cora, it would have felt really insensitive if a friend with a healthy pregnancy was constantly inundating me with texts and phone calls about her excitement. However, if I chose to read her blog updates about her doctor's appointments and feeling the baby move, that's on me. (This is a made up scenario, I didn't actually have a friend who did this). We need to ask the Holy Spirit to teach us to notice when we are posting things with wrong motives, or when we are sinning as a result of reading what others post. When we recognize it, we need to remove the temptation.

• Social media can allow me to celebrate with friends in ways I could not otherwise. I stink at long-distance friendships. I think this is largely because I am not much of a phone person. I mean, I don't hate long phone calls; but especially now, with kiddos, it is hard to find the time (and quiet) to sit down and really get caught up with a faraway friend. Blogs and instagram, in particular, have helped me to stay connected to some friends who I DEARLY love. When I read their blogs there is nothing voyeuristic or comparison driven about it - I care about them and their families and I love hearing about what is going on. I love feeling like I know their kids a little bit, even though I never get to see them, and I'm often so encouraged by what God is doing in and through their lives. Additionally, there have been a couple of times when I started reading a blog of someone I didn't know well and thought I didn't have much in common with, only to find myself cheering them on and later becoming real life friends with them. All that to say, for me social media has enhanced many of my "real life" relationships, as opposed to replacing or damaging them.

  I'm not completely sure why I felt the need to rattle on and on about this topic; but I've thought about it so much that I think I just needed to type it out to free up some brain space. I'm not naive to the ways social media can be unhealthy, discouraging, and addictive.  However, I've decided that I would rather rely on the Holy Spirit to keep my attitudes and motives in check than to throw out the baby with the bathwater. At least for now ... today.

  I'd love to hear feedback on this topic, though. How do you keep your mind and heart healthy both in viewing and posting things on social media? Do you ever realize you are attempting to portray yourself in a particular way? What decisions have you made regarding privacy and why?