Spring Recap: May

  I've fallen off the blog-wagon the past few months, but now that we've come out of our haze of the million and one events we had during May, June, and early July, I think I'll attempt to catch up. So, here's what we were up to in May ...

  This little man enjoyed his last days as a two-year-old. Precious boy.

 

   And this little girl enjoyed eating ... gotta keep those cheeks nice and squishy!

  Liam had his third birthday on the 11th, and couple of birthday parties sprinkled during the surrounding weeks. I'll have to do a separate post on his celebration and his 3rd birthday interview!

 

  I got to experience my first Mother's Day with two armfuls of love. We celebrated with a morning at home, lunch with Josh's family and dinner with my family.

 

  The dinner with my family was actually a celebration of the graduations of my little sister and little brother from college and high school, respectively (sorry, Zach, that we didn't get a picture together). Isn't my sis lovely? Yes, yes she is.

  At the end of the month we got to see Josh's sister and her husband when they came in town from Nashville for Memorial Day weekend. The kids love getting to hug on and play with their Uncle Kyle and Aunt Millie.

 

   And then we rounded out the month with a trip to Silver Dollar City. Liam was willing to try out some new rides, which is way outside his comfort zone; and Cora was just happy to be surrounded by people to watch.

So, May in a nutshell. Cute kids, lots of celebrating. Stay tuned for June!

Heart Day

A few things I love this Valentine's Day, 2013:



 * Getting up early to tie a big red bow on a box of Swiss Cake Rolls for my hubby (his favorite), and finding the flowers he put out on the kitchen table after I went to bed last night.

 * Liam waking up singing, and the conversation that followed when I went into his room:
  (I open the door and immediately hear): Mommy, are you still Gander Goose? (a character in a Sam McBratney book ... it's a daddy goose, but Liam is convinced it is a mommy and was pretending we were geese when we went to bed last night)
Me: yes, if you want me to be
L: I was singing to you, mom
Me: I heard you on the monitor! It was so pretty! What song were you singing?
L: It goes like this mom, [sung gently, as a lullabye] "Don't cry little mommy, don't cry little mommy." Jesus sings that song to you and now I sing it, too!
Me: [speechless]

 * Liam being SO thrilled about the 99 cent tumblers I bought him for Valentine's Day, so he can start practicing using a big boy cup. He was so proud of himself and all day long has been saying, "I'm just going to go in the kitchen to get another drink of water, mom."
 

 
 * Cora giggling about the new Sesame Street board book that was in her Valentine's Day bucket.

 * Playing "No, I love YOU," with Liam. This is how the game works:
  Me: I love you!
  L: No, I love YOU!
  Me: Well, I think you're amazing!
  L: You're amazing!
  Me: You are my buddy!
  L: You are my sweetie!
  etc.
  It's pretty awesome.

 * This picture:

 

  Cora smiling and lunging for me, Liam being a goofball. Typical.

 * That Thursday is our Friday, so tomorrow we will have family doughnut day and then I will go have lunch and talk about exciting wedding plans with my sweet friend, Becky.

  You could take away the "Be My Valentine" banner hanging in our window, the heart-shaped rice krispy treats I made last night, the pink foil covered "Mershey's" kisses (as Liam calls them), and the pink and red clothing I made my children wear today, and this would still be a day of love. They all are.

Hello, Goodbye

  Happy 2013! I'm hoping both that this year goes by a bit slower than the last (does that ever happen?) and that I am asleep for more of it than I was for 2012. Being pregnant for the first half of the year and having a newborn/infant for the second half = not too much sleep for Stefanie. I think 2013 is looking up in that department ... hopefully.

  2012 gave us some great opportunities to say hello to new things in our lives ...

We have gladly welcomed the kazillion new words, phrases, and imaginary friends Liam has brought into our home this year. Interacting with him and learning more and more about what's going on in his awesome little brain has been one of the most fun parts of the year ... and our lives.

  We have said hello to the presence of pink in our home! The first half of 2012 brought LOTS of fun sewing, painting, and decorating projects as we awaited little sister. It was so fun to start planning for our daughter.

  Josh had the opportunity to say hello to some new responsibilities at work. He is still primarily focused on the 4th-6th grade ministry, but he is now the team leader for 1st-6th grade. He continues to love the team he works with and the grade school, high school, and college students he spends time with.

  We have joyously welcomed the many new babies that have either been born into our friends' lives this year, or who have been matched with our friends who are waiting to bring them home. It has been so fun to have so many friends to go through the newborn stage with this second time around, and we can't wait to kiss some sweet Ethiopian, Chinese, and Haitian cheeks in the coming months. Here's hoping 2013 brings at least 4 or 5 little ones home to some forever families we love.

  We said hello to many, many new questions and facts about baseball as a result of Liam's great passion for the sport. In 2012 he LOVED attending Razorback baseball games and cheering, primarily, for Coach Van Horn. He also spent tons of time studying his Grandad's Cardinals' memorabilia and memorizing players' names. Liam also called the Hogs on his own for the first time in 2012, and learned to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." We are all looking forward to the 2013 season starting up next month.

   It goes without saying that our loudest, most joyous hello of 2012 goes to our sweet little Cora. She dramatically entered the world the day before the 4th of July, and has continued to light up our lives just like the fireworks we watched out the window of my hospital room.

  I was blessed to say hello to finally earning my LPC (licensed professional counselor) license, which has allowed me to become a provider for several insurance companies, thus giving me the opportunity to go into private practice and only work one day a week. I'm now working at my father-in-law's practice in Fayetteville (Center for Psychology & Counseling, if you ever want to send anyone my way!), and I'm so grateful to get to be home with my babies the other 6 days a week. Working in a new, less trauma-focused setting, has also renewed my love for working as a counselor and has definitely re-energized me.

  Josh was blessed to be able to say hello to running, again, in 2012. After he broke his foot (pretty badly) on Memorial Day 2011, he had to take it easy for quite a while. However, in 2012 he was able to build back up and meet some hard-earned goals.

  Along the same lines of fitness and outdoor fun, we said hello to the development of many new trails in our town. We are so excited for the 4 main towns in our area to be connected by trails and have big dreams of the family biking adventures we will have in the future.

  On a more frivolous note, 2012 brought some new forms of entertainment into our lives. The Avett Brothers. We had heard a lot about them from my sister, but we finally started listening to them ourselves this year. For my 30th birthday Josh sent Abbie and I to their concert when they were in Fayetteville and it was AMAZING. Downton Abbey. I watched the first two seasons this spring when Josh was out of town for various trips, as I worked on projects for Cora's room. I fell in love. My kind in-laws gave me the seasons for Christmas, and to my great and unexpected joy, Josh really likes the show. I can't wait to watch season 3 this year! 2012 also brought Josh an iPad - a source of great delight to him. Oh, and Clifford, the Big Red Dog. In 2012 we watched approximately 2,000,000 episodes of Clifford. It is Liam's very favorite cartoon, and his grandmothers have supplied us with numerous DVDs, which were very helpful in the early days of Cora's life, when I was nursing her all the time and the two-year-old was bored. The past year also saw us saying hello to the library on a regular, every other week, basis. Liam adores library books and consistently memorizes a good portion of the 5 we bring home with us after every visit (5, because that seems like a number I can keep up with ... I'm less likely to forget some if I know we always have 5). Without question his favorite library book this year was Casey Back at Bat (I think we borrowed it 4 different times, for a total of 8 weeks in our home ... we all have it memorized), but in general he loves any book that is about baseball, dogs, or dinosaurs.

  2012 also brought some goodbyes ... some welcome, some sad.

  Just before Cora was born, we had to say goodbye to our sweet friends, the Bogues. They only lived in NWA for 2 years, but we shared so many great memories with them in that brief time. Their little boy, Bryson, is 8 months younger than Liam, and this fall they welcomed a little girl, who is just 3 months younger than Cora. We still miss them dearly and wish we could be scheduling weekly playdates and dinners.

  We said goodbye to half of our community group at the beginning of the summer. The majority of our group had been together for 3 fantastic years, but last winter we began to sense that it was time to multiply into two groups so that we could continue to welcome in new couples without losing the intimacy that is only possible in smaller groups. While we are so thankful to still be with two of the couples we love, we so miss the "other half" that we no longer see on a weekly basis. But, God is good and it is exciting to know His plans are for more than just our own comfort.

  I said goodbye to the Children's Advocacy Center of Benton County after nearly 4 years of working as a counselor there. Although it definitely felt like it was time for that chapter of my life to close, the change has been difficult. I deeply and sincerely miss some of the clients and families that I had the privilege of working with, and I often wonder how they are doing now. While it has been a healthy change - to no longer be dealing solely with the trauma of abuse - it has been more challenging than I thought it would be to change my therapeutic pace and methods.

  As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I said goodbye to sleeping through the night. Hopefully, 2013 will have me saying hello to that delightful part of life again. Just last week Cora seems to have said goodbye to her 4am feeding, so hopefully all-night sleep is right around the corner! I think once we say goodbye, once and for all, to the swaddle she will be good to go.

  We said goodbye to Liam's long hair and his pacifiers in the past week. Little man is growing up and Josh and I are experiencing the wonderful ambivalence of pride, relief, joy, sentiment, and sadness.

  We said hello and then (gratefully) goodbye to 9 of the hardest weeks of my life. If you would like to know more about those "dark days" as I like to call them, go back in my archives to postings from the end of July - mid-September 2012. Cora was sort of incorrigible and I found myself fatigued, overwhelmed, and guilt-ridden on a daily basis. It was a tough time, but the hourly reminder to lean on Jesus was sweet.

Very sadly, we witnessed many families say goodbye to loved ones: babies born too soon, a toddler who went to be with Jesus in his sleep, and a couple of daddies who loved Jesus and their families and were killed on the road. Not to mention the horror of Connecticut. Processing these goodbyes from a distance has been a sobering reminder of the frailty of life and the fact that none of us is promised a tomorrow. I am so grateful for a good and all-knowing Father who never stops working out His glorious plan in this world.

  It is my sincere hope that 2013 brings many more joyful hellos into families than painful goodbyes; but knowing that separation is part of this broken world, I pray that the God of peace is welcomed into the goodbyes that will inevitably come, and that He is celebrated in the hellos.

  As for our little family, I anticipate saying goodbye to toddler boy diapers and a well-loved crib (sniff, sniff); and I look forward to saying hello to first steps, first words, and 12 more months of precious and hilarious memories.
 

And That's What It's All About

  This morning found me a little grumpy-hearted. It's my 30th birthday ... surely a girl could sleep in a little on her birthday, no? Or at least not be woken every 3 hours throughout the night by the baby who normally sleeps for 8 or 9 hour stretches. At least the birthday girl deserves a nap in the morning when the baby is taking her nap and the boys have gone to get breakfast ... why is the little one only napping for 30 minutes instead of her normal 2 hours? Why can't the pumpkin spice donuts at the family favorite doughnut shop be dairy-free? Surely the birthday girl deserves a doughnut on her birthday, especially when she's worked so hard to cut out foods that hurt the little girl's tummy.

  I was in the midst of donning my birthday-best martyr-wear ... you know, the downcast, weary countenance that sighs and says, "well, I'm the mom so I guess it never gets to be about me." As I was strapping on the gray goggles that were going to cloud my whole day, that beautiful Holy Spirit said, "Happy birthday ... aren't you so glad it never gets to be about you? Is there a better gift?"

  The goggles fell off.

  I get to celebrate my birthday by snuggling the downy soft head of my precious, dreamy-eyed daughter. I get to wipe the sticky, red fingers of the little man who has been sharing my birthday "Hot Molly's" with me (the candy, Hot Tamales ... I like his name better. And I like it when he asks me to blow on them to cool them off!). I get to wrestle them into jackets to go to lunch even though he is cranky because he's so exhausted from no less than an hour of catching and kicking his little Toy Story football with his Daddy. He just learned how to catch it today, being inspired by the high school football game Daddy took him to last night. We cheer wildly for him every time he makes a catch, but clearly it's an exhausting skill for him to master. I get to watch my wonderful husband be so great at adoring all of us all morning, until it is time for him to go do the job that I'm so proud of him for doing. It is the best birthday for me. It is the best life for me.

  And really, the very best part is that even if I didn't have them - the boy and the girl and the man, the two who I am mandated to raise and the one I am called to help - even if I didn't have them, it still wouldn't be about me. I've been rescued from living life at my own beck and call. That's Good News, because I am a terrible taskmaster. Selfish, so easily upset, so rarely satisfied with myself or anyone else. A birthday intended to celebrate me would be a sorry one, indeed. A birthday intended to celebrate freedom from "me-ness"? That's worth a party. I think when I blow out the candles this year, if I can muster enough breath from my out-of-shape lungs for all 30 of them, I'll wish for the next 364 days to be about faithful service to the Master whose burden is light. That would be a good year.

I am going to finish my last few Thankful 30 letters ... I've just had a busy couple of weeks of working on a celebration for my hubby, sick kids, and a shopping trip. The letters are too dear to me to write in a hurry, so I'll finish them as I have time to do their recipients justice with my words.

Woo Pig Sooie!

This weekend Josh's sister and her husband came in town for the Razorback game. We don't get to see Uncle Kyle and Aunt Heather very often since they live in Nashville, so we were really excited to get a little time with them. They drove in from Tennessee last night, and since Cora takes a long morning nap we sent Liam to spend the night with Papa and Grammie so he could get more time with Kyle and Heather in the morning.

   I was pretty adamant about Cora getting as much sleep as possible today in hopes that she wouldn't have a total meltdown at the Razorback game we were all going to together tonight. She took her usual 2 hour morning nap before we headed to the farm, but this afternoon she was having a tough time settling down so I joined her for her nap. I wouldn't want to sleep with my babies all the time, but I love the cuddly times when I do. Hearing those sweet little grunts and sighs and feeling that baby breath is just too precious. I napped with Liam fairly often when he was a baby and I rarely get to with Cora, so I was happy to spend the afternoon curled up with her.

  After naptime we all got dressed in our Razorback gear for some family pictures (which are all on Papa & Grammie's camera). Cora was excited about the game, and to be looking so cute.

  Liam was excited, too, but more interested in playing on the floor with cars than in taking pictures. Hence, the squirmy mess of a picture ...

  Even though I missed my Liam buddy while he was at his sleepover last night, it was so fun to have some one on one time with little sister. I love watching her relationships with her family members develop.

  Both of the kids really enjoyed their time with their aunt and uncle. Liam doesn't totally understand yet that aunts and uncles are different genders, not just abstract titles we assign to people. Kyle was very patient with being called "Aunt Kyle" all day :) It was so sweet and funny to hear Liam running through the house yelling, "Aunt Kyle, come play outside with me!" Cora was full of smiles for both of them and got to enjoy a little walk around the concourse with them before the football game started.

 
  Josh's parents have seats in a box, which was the only reason we brought little kids to a game with a 100% chance of rain. The whole night went so much better than we expected. Even though the thunderstorm caused the game to be delayed (and eventually terminated), we were warm and dry. The concourse was quiet enough that Cora could be walked around when she got fussy (and I could find a semi-private corner when it was time to feed her) and she was remarkably laid back the whole time. Liam loved having access to a table full of snacks and spent most of the evening running back and forth between the window and the bags of kettle corn and pretzels. He figured out pretty quickly to cover his ears right after a touchdown because the fireworks and cannon boom scared him, and this was actually a game that involved lots of fireworks and cannon booming, for a change. The icing on the cake was that we got to see our great friends, John & Carol, who were in town for the Chili Pepper race and the game - so fun! We decided to leave pretty early so we could get loaded up in the car in between storms, but it was a wonderful evening of making memories with the kids at their first football game!

  

Thankful 30: Happy Birthday, Josh!

During the 30 days leading up to my 30th birthday, I am posting a letter a day expressing thankfulness for someone or something that has played a major role in shaping the first 30 years of my life.

Dear Josh,

  Happy 30th Birthday! These letters are roughly in chronological order, according to when the individual made an impact on my life, but since it's your birthday I wanted to post yours today. So, where do you start in a post thanking a wonderful husband and daddy? I feel a little overwhelmed at the thought and I know I certainly won't do you justice. But, here goes ...

  Thank you for the person you were before we got married. Thank you for your crazy, adventurous self - it was one of the things that attracted me to you. I loved that you spent time hanging out with the high school cell group you led, that you wore Birkenstocks and fleece jackets, that you let your hair grow long, that you climbed mountains in Austria and worked on a ranch in Colorado and loved on orphans in Colombia. The night I first fell for you, you told me all about the book, "Wild at Heart", and that's how I saw you. Thank you for not being dull.

  Thank you for being a great boyfriend. You wooed me with the painting from the coffee shop that you bought me for Valentine's Day after I had mentioned it once. You asked my parents if you could pursue me without me telling you that was important to me. You helped move my super heavy couch into my ridiculously tiny over-a-garage apartment ... and then back out again 4 months later. You laughed with my friends and became friends with the cell group I led. You started saving for a ring when we'd only been dating for a couple of months and then you picked out a beautiful one without ever talking to me about it at all. I was so glad you never asked me one question about rings - I wanted it to be a surprise.

  Thank you for being a wonderful husband. You are a hard worker, both at your job, at extra jobs like working with your dad on the farm, and around our house. It truly feels like we are a team. Thanks for thinking I am funny. That's not my best-known quality (it may not even be one of my qualities), but I love that you think I am. Thank you for making a point of paying cash for big purchases and protecting our family from debt. Thank you for being content to live in a basement for a couple of years and to drive my parents old minivan for a year while we saved for a car. Thank you for all of the wonderful trips we took before we had kiddos: Jamaica, Indonesia, London, the Pacific Northwest ... you are great to travel with. Thank you for praying with me every night and for seeking the Lord in our marriage. Thank you for surrounding yourself with godly men who also love their wives and families. I love your friends and I'm so grateful for who you choose to be influenced by.

  Thank you for being a great and fun 4th, 5th, and 6th grade pastor. I love watching you with students. The middle-school aged students in your ministry, the junior high students in the townhouse you lead, the high school students who serve in 456, and the college students who work for you. You are so fun and funny and encouraging to them. You make everyone feel special and you truly enjoy the kids you work with, and they can tell. Thank you for applying yourself to your study of the Bible and theology. It has been so neat to witness you grow in your knowledge in these areas over the past 6 years. I love learning new things from you.

  Thank you for being a good neighbor to everyone you meet. Without you, I would probably only know a couple of our neighbors instead of nearly all of them. I love that they feel comfortable enough with you that they let their little boys play in our backyard or that they ask you to come dispose of their hamsters when they die. That's a good neighbor. Thank you for being so friendly and easy to talk to. I am frequently challenged by the way you always make time for conversation. I am often too hurried or uncaring, but you consistently communicate to others that you value them. I would like to be more like that. And it isn't just our neighbors ... it's the cashiers in Wal-Mart, the tellers at the bank, Kelly and Louisa at the donut shop, and the guys who make your sandwiches at Firehouse. You show Jesus' love to people you barely know effortlessly.

  I think I want to thank you most of all for being an awesome daddy to our children. They are the most precious gift we've been given, and I am so glad that you are the person God assigned to steward them with me. I love how much you adore them. These are some exhausting years we are in the middle of, but I never doubt your delight in who they are. What a gift. During the times when they need mom-specific attention, you are so great about pitching in in other ways, like washing the dishes. Thank you for taking the initiative in getting us out of the house to make fun memories. Sometimes it is easy for me to get so bogged down in just taking care of the little people and meeting their basic needs that my brain is too tired to cook up plans for fun. I really appreciate that you say, "Let's go __________!" and that you say it often. Our kids are going to have great memories of growing up. Thank you for laughing at them with me daily. Thank you for speaking kind and gentle words, thus teaching our son to speak kind and gentle words. As much as I love hearing his little voice say, "hi lovey!" and as much as it melts my heart when he opens the door to the garage for me or picks me a flower, it means even more to me because I know you taught him that. He will be a wonderful husband and daddy himself one day, largely because of you. Our little girl already hears from you on a daily basis how beautiful and sweet she is, and I'm thankful for that, too. She's going to need you to communicate that to her a lot over the next couple of decades. Thank you for reading Bible stories, praying, and singing with them before bed. That was an important part of my childhood and I am thankful it is a habit in our family. Thank you for thinking that it is important that I only work one day a week while our kids our little, even though it means we live on less. I love being with my babies and taking care of our home.

  For all this and more, I thank you. God was generous when he let me marry you.

Love,
  Your Wife

Thankful 30: My Siblings

During the 30 days leading up to my 30th birthday, I am posting a letter a day expressing thankfulness for someone or something that has played a major role in shaping the first 30 years of my life.

Dear Michael, Abbie, & Zach,

  You were my first loves. Really.

  Michael, you were born when I was five and a half. Being the sibling closest in age to me, you were the sibling that I got to be buddies with when we were young. I was so grateful to have a brother, and I remember lots of time spent making hammocks out of sheets on your bunk-beds and playing together with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Legos, or my Barbies and your G.I. Joes. The biggest way you impacted my young life was in how I learned compassion and how to pray through our relationship. I remember being so scared for you when you would get sick and have bad asthma attacks. It was so helpless feeling, and I hurt for you when I knew you were hurting. I just wanted you to be healthy and happy, and I prayed and prayed for you. I've always been so proud of your artistic and musical talent and I think your diligence in applying yourself to become more and more skilled in what you do is amazing.

  Abbie. My sister! You were born when I was almost nine, and you were such a little cutie! Sometimes I wish we had been closer in age, so that your childhood years didn't coincide with my busy high school and college years, when I was rarely home. However, I don't feel like the age gap has hurt our sister relationship one bit. Once you were a teenager it seemed that the gap started narrowing, and it has continued to over the past decade. I love and respect you so much. Your passion for the Lord and for ministry challenges me. I love the similarities between us: music tastes (well, ever since you moved out of your Jonas Bros. phase), movies & shows, books, love for creating, etc. I also love the ways God has made us different, especially the way you are so much more uninhibited than I am and can get people really excited about whatever you are enthusiastic about. I know that quality has been SUCH a gift to so many younger girls, as you have encouraged them in their relationships with the Lord. Oh, and I also really appreciate your fashion sense - I doubt that I'll ever outgrow needing your help in that area!

  Zach, sometimes I wonder if I just seem like a super old lady to you :) I was 12 when you were born ... let's not even think about how 10 years from now I'll be turning 40 and you won't even be 30 yet. Bummer. When I think of your impact on me when you were little, I just remember what an encouragement you were to me. My high school years weren't the easiest, since we had moved to K.C. However, when I had really tough or lonely days I knew I could count on an adorable little toddler to be really excited to see me and give me hugs. I remember feeling sorry for other kids who didn't have young siblings to love on them. Now that you are pretty much a man (is it okay if I wait to say you're a man until you turn 18 in November?), I so admire your earnestness in your relationship with God and your desire to learn and grow in Him more. I'm really looking forward to seeing how God uses the gifts He's given you as you move into the next phase of your life after you graduate next year.

  Thank you all for being wonderful siblings, and for loving my kids so well. Liam absolutely adores his Mike, Zach, and Aunt Abbie; and I know Cora will as well. I pray for and look forward to many decades of raising families and, hopefully one day, all being in the same stage of life together!

  I love you!

  Love,
     Stefanie

Thankful 30: Dad

During the 30 days leading up to my 30th birthday, I am posting a letter a day expressing thankfulness for someone or something that has played a major role in shaping the first 30 years of my life.

Dear Dad,

  As I've tried to sort through the differences in what I learned from you and mom, and how the ways you each taught me affected me as I was growing up, the best analogy I can come up with is that of a house. I think that when people look at me, they might see a lot of mom: my interests, the way I communicate, etc. I think that her training nurtured my heart and graced the interior and exterior with color and warmth. When I think of the role you have played, terms like "foundation", "structure", and "stability" come to mind. What is a house without a foundation? On what do you place the paint and the decor if there are no walls? How is the heart nurtured and taught to bloom if it is not first protected and sheltered by a reliable structure?

  I credit so much of anything I've accomplished to you, Dad, because of the confidence you instilled in me. You encouraged me to try to find answers to my own questions, gave me the freedom to try to figure things out on my own, taught me to use tools and to measure twice and cut once. You were just the right balance of being protective and teaching me to stand up for myself. While I did always feel cherished and special to you, the way you encouraged me to work at things made me believe I was capable of doing things I may not have done otherwise.

  Thank you for showing that you value the Kingdom in the way that you live. When you have been tender-hearted toward unborn babies and in worship, when you have given generously and sacrificially, and when you have treated those who work for you with respect and humility; you have shown me what it looks like to store up treasure in heaven and to keep my eyes on things above, not on earthly things. I often think back to when I was young and you loved the songs, "Find Us Faithful" by Steve Green and "Thank You" by Ray Boltz. Those two songs formed part of the lens through which I saw you: I knew you wanted to leave a legacy of faithfulness and that giving to the Lord was important to you. I have never doubted your faithfulness to mom, our family, or the Lord; and since I have always grown up with that type of security, I know I still can't even comprehend its value.

   Thank you for reading the Bible to us every night, and for praying for us and singing "I Come to the Garden Alone" before bed. Thank you for taking me to baseball games and the roller skating rink when I was little. Thank you for encouraging me to have jobs in high school and for making me sit down to look at my own finances in college, even though it stressed me out. Thank you for being gracious when I ran into things while driving your cars. Thank you for valuing the summers I spent working at camp, or interning at the church, or doing mission work overseas, even though I wasn't making much (if any) money. Thank you for the family tree you made Josh and I for our wedding, showing the generations of decades of committed marriage that we are carrying on - it was one of my very favorite gifts. Thank you for being a great Grandad to my babies and for already teaching Liam more about baseball than I know.

I love you Dad!

Love,
  Stef

Thankful 30: Mom

During the 30 days leading up to my 30th birthday, I am posting a letter a day expressing thankfulness for someone or something that has played a major role in shaping the first 30 years of my life.

Dear Mom,

  Would it be an overstatement to say thank you for teaching me everything? Maybe a bit of one, but not much. I could write a book of thank-you letters to you and Dad, but since this is a blog and not a book, I'll just stick to some of the high points that come to mind.

  Thank you for being a mom who listens. You taught me that my feelings and thoughts were important, because you made listening to them a priority. You have spent countless hours listening to the four of us pour out our concerns, anxieties, frustrations, delights, and mundane stories. I'm surprised your ears still work. For the past three decades I have also witnessed the way you listen to other people, and the way that people with stories to tell are drawn to you. I tend to be far too hurried to listen as well as you do, but I hope the Lord will slow me down so I am able to show the same care that you do.

  Thank you for being a mom who asks questions. Seriously, you are the best question-asker I know. You focus so intently on whomever you are talking to that you are able to ask deep and penetrating questions. I remember you giving me friendship building advice when I was younger, and advising me to ask lots of questions. You have certainly modeled that. You are so skilled both at getting to the heart of a matter through your questions and at showing people you care by wanting to know more. I hope I become a better question-asker.

  Thank you for asking and listening, but also for helping me to understand that even though my feelings and thoughts are important, they are not of utmost importance. You were willing to attend my pity-parties, but you never left them without urging me to leave them, as well. After you heard all of the surface-y stuff that I had to say, you would ask questions (or in more dire circumstances, write down questions/Scriptures for me to think about) that exposed the heart of the matter (ie; lack of trust, refusal to choose joy in the Lord, discontent, etc.) and then leave me to sort it out with Jesus. Sometimes this made me so annoyed, because I just wanted you to commiserate with me; but I doubt that your commiseration would have brought me any long-term benefit. Teaching me to choose Truth and Life, however, benefits me everyday.

  Thank you for teaching me submission and contentment. I remember plenty of times during my growing up years when you were completely at your wit's end from the exhaustion of being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to four kids. I remember times when you wanted to do something different, rearrange the way our family worked, but dad had firm convictions about keeping things as they were. It spoke a lot to me that you were willing to follow his lead even though it was costly to you. You put your hand to the plow and modeled for your daughters what it means to be a strong and godly helpmeet.

  Thank you for teaching me to read and to think. I am so glad that you helped steer me toward books and ideas that stretched or deepened my mind, instead of encouraging me to fill up on fluff. Thank you for teaching me to cook, clean, and iron. I don't think becoming a wife and mother is ever easy, but it has benefited me that I had plenty of practice in these mundane chores so they didn't seem  quite as daunting. Thank you for watching musicals and old movies with me - it's hard to imagine childhood without Fiddler on the Roof, The Sound of Music, Singin' in the Rain, and the King and I. Thank you for teaching me to be a bargain shopper. Since I am married to a children's pastor, it is certainly beneficial that it nearly causes me physical pain to pay full price for anything and that I don't find my value in the labels on my clothes. Thank you for modeling hospitality and how to make people feel special. This is an area I really want to grow in - being more thoughtful with gifts and special meals. Thank you for loving the unlovable and forgotten ones. You do that really well and I pray my heart becomes more like yours and Jesus' in that way.

I love you, Mom!

 Love,

    Stef

12 Weeks

  Sometime during the first month that Cora was with us, I posed the question, "when does having two kids become more manageable?" I can't say I was super encouraged by those who responded, either on my blog or on Facebook, by saying, "somewhere around 12 weeks." I felt like I could hang on until 6 or maybe 8 weeks, but 12? That seemed like an eternity.

  I am here to say that, if I were asked the same question by a new mom of two, I'd probably have to fall into the camp of "somewhere around 12 weeks." I know it does get a lot easier for a lot of mamas sooner than that; but in my experience, it is only recently that I'm starting to feel like the number of fun/enjoyable/sweet moments has surpassed the exhausting/wearying/survival moments. That is probably an exaggeration, I'm sure it has actually been fun and enjoyable more times than not for a while, but my perception is that it's a more recent development. And of course, as with most things in life, it isn't as if there is a moment when a switch flips. Babies develop and mature over time ... slowly but surely. Nursing times become shorter by a few minutes at a time, night sleep stretches out in little inchworm segments, and the amount of time spent screaming in the car begins to dwindle (the baby screaming, that is ... not me).

  I was able to tell Josh this Sunday night, "this is the first Sunday I haven't felt really anxious about the upcoming week since you went back to work [when Cora was 2 weeks old]." I think the biggest reason for this is that, by God's grace, Cora's current stage and a little persistence on our part has yielded huge benefits in the area of sleep. At this point, she cries either not at all or just for one or two minutes when I lay her down for her first morning nap, and an afternoon nap. She struggles a little more with the littler naps when she is too tired to be awake, but not quite tired enough to need a long nap, but I know in the next couple of months she'll outgrow those little catnaps, anyway. I'm sure anyone who reads this is totally tired of hearing about sleep, but my point is that the outlook is a lot brighter around here these days. Cora is better rested and happier, Liam is happier because he is spending less time on his own, and I feel like I'm doing a better job as a Mommy. Yay!

  Now the good stuff. Here are some pictures from when Cora was 8 days old. I love that in the pictures on the couch you can see one of our family pics that the same friend took when Liam was a newborn.

  Liam was a total ham the whole time. He was still adjusting to life with a new baby and I think his little head was spinning from all of the visitors we had had over the past week. This is the face he made in nearly all of the pictures that he is in!

After our little family shoot, we took some pictures of Cora with Josh and me in her nursery.

I am SO in love with these two of our little Beauty and her Daddy. I know they will be so special to her when she is older.

I can't believe this precious one has been in our arms for 12 weeks!

Little Miss was wide awake the entire time we were taking pictures.

She finally had her 2 month check-up last Friday, and she weighed 12lbs. 12 oz. and was in the 75th percentile for weight, height, and head circumference! Our healthy, perfectly proportioned gal!

You know all of those precious shots of sleeping newborns on their tummies or in cute little poses? Not happening with this girl - we tried getting some shots on her ottoman and the little stinker kept nearly scooting off of it. I should have realized then that it was a bit of foreshadowing regarding her sleeping preferences.

  I feel so blessed to have this family of four and I am loving this new stage of life that we are entering!

Day One

  Approximately 72 hours ago, my life changed. My daughter started sleeping like a champ. Yesterday, as she took not one, but two two-hour naps, I was almost paralyzed by all the possibilities of things I could do. Meal plan? Bible study homework? Fun preschool-ish activity planning? Write thank-you notes? It was amazing to get to think beyond survival ... you know, the "have I eaten, am I dressed, am I hydrated, is my other child fed, dressed & hydrated?" priorities that I've tried to cram in during her "naps" the past couple of months.

  Anyway, one thing I remembered is that I've never posted any of the newborn pictures our friend, Nic Taylor, took after Cora was born. We had him come up to the hospital a few hours after she was born, when Liam met her for the first time; and then he came to our house for a shoot when she was 8 days old. By the time we got the pictures back, I'm pretty sure we were in the throes of the worst couple of weeks ... before I went dairy-free. So, now seems like as good a time as any to post my favorites - here are some from the hospital, and later this week I'll put up a few from the shoot at our house.

Here's the first time Liam saw me in the hospital. We had Cora in her bassinet in the corner of the room, so that he could come cuddle with me and get comfortable with the room before we added Sissy into the mix.

Sweet boy pointing to the new baby.

 

I love the look on his face as he's taking in this new little person in our lives

 First picture as a family of 4!

  These pictures are SUCH a treasure, and I'm so thankful that we had someone who is actually good at taking pictures come and capture these moments so that we didn't just end up with a lot of iPhone shots. It's crazy how long ago this seems already ... 12 weeks on Tuesday.

Little Gifts

  This evening we walked a trail we've walked dozens of times. The sun was just sinking below the treeline and encouraging shouts from a peewee football game drifted through the air. The first fall evening this year that could be defined as crisp.

  The two-year-old ran ahead, like the wind. Sunshine curls flying all helter-skelter out behind him, his little heart bursting with joy to be outside with his "whole famp-ily".

  The big red dog ran zigzags across the sidewalk, constantly being reminded to not jump in the creek. Not this time. Bedtime is soon and we didn't bring a towel.

  The little girl sat quietly in her stroller, looking for all the world like an Eloise Wilkin illustration with her big blue eyes and little mouth and delicious cheeks.

  We walked past the shady place where we said goodbye to the baby we lost, one year ago tomorrow.

  Josh said, "Isn't this so different from when we used to walk on the golf course?" When we were newlyweds, when we lived in a basement in a gated community, when our lives were quieter and calmer and we were only two.

  We were so happy then. We laughed and went on adventures to foreign countries. Our hearts were full. We could not have known how much our joy would be multiplied in the years to come. How much more we would laugh and how our hearts would explode with a new kind of love.

  I don't know why we've been chosen to parent these precious ones; but I do know that, "children are a gift from the Lord," (Psalm 127:3a) and He has been generous to me.

All Aboard!

  This summer presented our family with round 2 being unable to do much all together. Last summer Josh's foot was broken, so Liam and I did most of our adventuring without him. This summer I have been the one who is limited, activity-wise, due to being exceedingly pregnant or needing to feed a newborn every couple of hours. Josh and Liam have done a lot together: they've gone to Silver Dollar City a couple of times, have spent many hours playing outside at our house and the park, and have gone on bike rides and runs together. While I have really appreciated the hours of quiet in our house that have allowed me to get to know our little Cora, I have been a little bummed about all the fun I've missed out on.

 So, when some sweet friends of ours offered us their tickets for the Arkansas and Missouri train ride from Springdale to Van Buren and back, I decided that Cora and I could use a day out with our boys. The day started early - we had to be at the depot at 7:30, which meant getting up at 6:00 to have enough time to get ready, feed Cora, and load everyone up. (My day actually started at 4:15 when Cora woke up to eat and then couldn't get back to sleep until 5:00 ... by that point I didn't do much sleeping since I knew I had to get up in an hour).

 I had no idea what to expect out of the trip. I assumed that there would be very few passengers, and that they would be mostly elderly folks. I was surprised to be wrong on both assumptions. Our car was pretty full, and though the majority of the passengers were older, there were quite a few other families with younger kids and a few younger couples (including some friends we hadn't seen in a long time). Cora fell back to sleep in the car on the way to the depot and gratefully was able to stay asleep as we waited to board.

 I knew Liam would be excited to get on the train, but we weren't really sure how long it would take us to get to Van Buren, and I was a little worried he would get really bored. I packed some toys, lots of snacks, books, and a coloring/sticker book to try to help appease him if he got antsy. I WAY underestimated how much he would enjoy the trip, because we ended up only looking at two of the books during the last 20 minutes of the trip down. He loved it!

 The seats on the train had moveable backs, so you could make them face one another, which was great because Liam was able to move back and forth between Josh and I. He loved looking out the window (and holding his ticket) and telling us all about what we were passing. He just loved being on "Wemiwy" (Emily - the train from Thomas the train that he decided we were riding).

 Cora stayed asleep (praise the Lord!) until it was time for her to eat again, and then was very content to just sit on our laps and look around.

 After a while, we traded kids so that Liam could sit on my lap for a bit, and Cora actually fell asleep sitting on Josh's lap. This may seem like a normal thing for a baby to do, but it was sort of a miracle for her. She NEVER just falls asleep - it almost always is a very involved, squirmy process - so it was a precious treat. I think the jostling and bumping of the train was really soothing to her.

 

 When we arrived in Van Buren and the hostess said, "be back at the depot in 3 hours", Josh and I looked at one another with dread on our faces. We knew we'd have enough time to eat lunch before getting back on the train, but we had no idea we'd have 3 whole hours to kill with two little kiddos. So, if you take this trip with small children, here are my suggestions:

• Walk (slowly) down main street to the courthouse with the fountain outside. Fountains are always entertaining for toddlers, and shade is good for babies.

• Visit the combination coffee shop/bookstore (I don't remember what it was called). The had a great little sitting area where I was able to feed Cora (which was much better sitting on a park bench on main street while nursing) and they had a fun kid area with toys where Josh and Liam played until I was done.

• Eat at Boomarang Burgers. They had yummy burgers and really great fries, and their kids meal came in this neat little cardboard car that Liam has loved playing with.
• Get ice cream at one of the little shops on Main Street.

 We were so thankful that we were able to keep Liam entertained for the 3 hours, and Cora did fairly well. If you start to run out of things to do, you can always watch your own dance moves in the reflection of the windows to a restaurant. I'm sure the patrons of this restaurant were highly entertained by what Liam calls the "train dance".

 The end of the day brought some rough moments. I had timed Cora's feeding so she would be ready to eat as soon as we got back on the train, but then the train was a good half an hour late in coming back, so she was pretty cranky and there was no good place to feed her at the crowded little depot. Also, on the way back our car was at the front, right behind the engine, so it was super loud every time the whistle blew, which was really often. Liam was able to fall asleep right away, as long as Josh kept his hand over his ear. Cora, however, couldn't get relaxed with all the whistling, so she had a tough ride home. All in all, it was a great outing and we were so glad we had the chance to go. I don't know if I'd pay full price to take the trip with little ones, but if you ever come across a good deal on them, it's a great little family adventure!

4 Weeks In

 Our sweet girl will be one month old on Friday, so I'll do a post specific to her then; but for today, a little update on what life is like around here 4 weeks in.

  We're getting there. She is so precious and Liam is so awesome. So far, neither one of them are particularly difficult children, but sometimes the combination of their individual quirks and preferences is overwhelming. She gets overstimulated pretty easily, which makes it hard for her to wind down and fall asleep for naps unless her environment is very calm and restful. He is a noisy 2 year old boy. A boy who wants to play with toys like fire trucks with sirens, puppy dogs that sing (loudly), and his ball popper push toy. Usually these toys don't make an appearance until I'm trying to get her to fall asleep. Imagine that.

  I know my poor buddy must be so bored most of the time. The first couple of weeks at home it seemed like he was excited to rediscover some toys he hadn't really played with in a while, but I think at this point he's getting tired of all the solo play time he has. I try to make up games we can play while I'm feeding Cora ... games like "find the color" where I ask him if he can find a toy car or play food or something else of a specific color and bring it to me. We also try to read books sometimes while I'm nursing, but most of the ideas I come up with only entertain him for a few minutes. We watch a LOT of PBS Kids cartoons and Clifford dvds. I know this is a short season (the one where I'm nursing a newborn 8-9 times a day), but I will be so glad when tv becomes a treat again, instead of a crutch :)

  What Liam really wants to do (about 90%) of the time, is play catch, have batting practice, or be outside. Sadly, with temps in the 90s & 100s and a backyard without trees, daytime outside time just isn't happening. Daddy coming home has definitely become the highlight of the day, and I love watching Josh wear him out with wrestling, evening playtime outside, and lots and lots of baseball! Josh has also started taking Liam on late evening runs in the jogging stroller a couple of times a week, and Liam loves it. He is always SO proud to tell me about his "wunnin" (running) when they get back.

  Although I never know how most of our waking hours are going to go, we have settled into a pretty good sleeping routine. I'm usually able to sleep from 11/11:30pm until 3:00am, when I get up to feed Cora, and then from about 4:00am-6:30am, when she wakes up again. Gratefully, Cora has started taking her best nap of the day during Liam's afternoon nap, so I can usually get at least an hour of peace (although today Liam fell asleep in the car on the way home and couldn't get back to sleep at home, so spent his naptime singing & calling the Hogs in his crib). That hour is amazing and always seems to come just in the nick of time, and then seems to refuel me just enough to handle my little munchkins until Josh gets home.

  Liam spends Wednesdays at the farm with Grammie, and it's so nice to have that one day a week where I can completely focus on Cora and resting without feeling like I'm neglecting him. Since my parents are only about 10 minutes away, the kids and I usually spend a couple of hours at their house once or twice a week, and again, it is such a blessing to have a place where we can go to get out of our own house, and where someone else can play with Liam while I feed Cora, or rock her so I can play with him. We are SO spoiled by having both Josh and my parents nearby. They are all SUCH wonderful grandparents and so ready to help out with Liam, meals, and cleaning. I sometimes feel like I'm not even fully a parent myself, because our parents still do so much for us.

 I know we're getting there, and even though I still have at least a mini-meltdown about every other day; I do feel like things are getting a teeny bit easier. And thanks, so much, to the friends who commented here or on Facebook or texted me with kind words and advice about adjusting to two kiddos. I was VERY encouraged and really appreciate what everyone had to say!

Bits and Pieces

• We find ourselves calling our little girl "Corabelle" ... it just sort of rolls off the tongue and seems to suit her. After hearing Josh and I call her that a few times, Liam adopted it, but with a twist. "Hi Cora Taco Bell!" is a frequent greeting from him. Or sometimes he just calls her Taco Bell. We love it. Cora, I'm sorry if we still call you Taco Bell when you are 16.
• We go to the library and borrow books every other week. Recently, Liam picked out a book about Christmas, and has since decided that he really wants it to be Christmas. Everyday he asks me if it is going to snow outside. He also tells that Frosty the snowman is coming to our house, and then runs and knocks on the front door saying, Frosty's here! I don't think he quite understands that when it is 100 degrees outside and you're in a drought, it doesn't snow. Sorry buddy.
• Deciding how to spend the approximately 40 minutes a day when both children are sleeping is nearly paralyzing. Clean things up quickly? Nap? Read my Bible? Open my laptop? Call a friend? Eat?
• I have found that, in order to produce enough milk for Cora, I have to drink close to 24 oz. of fluid in between each feeding. I spend ALL DAY drinking water.
• It takes a lot of effort to leave the house with both children, but it is very useful for mental health purposes. Except for when Cora wails the whole time we are driving.
• I am SO excited for the Olympics to begin.
• Liam continues to love pretending to be a dog, and has recently added "licking his paws" (licking his arms) and "biting his tail" (biting his knee) to his repertoire.
• Cora has an awesome, drowsy post-meal smile.

 Question to other moms whose children are approximately 2 years apart - when was the turning point after baby #2 came where things started feeling a bit more sane/manageable? I mean, I know it's always going to be crazy forever and ever; and please don't tell me, "this is the easy part, just wait til they're both mobile." I have heard that plenty of times and don't feel like it's super helpful to me, in this moment. I'd just love to hear about some others' experiences in the first few months of parenting a toddler and a newborn. Thank you.

Transition

 The Lawsons have been a family of four for three awesome, bleary-eyed weeks. I can't even fathom that I was still pregnant just a little over three weeks ago. It seems like a lifetime ago ... so many tiny diapers have been changed, so many hours have been spent nursing, so few hours have been spent sleeping.

 The transition from one child in our family to two has been SO different than the transition from zero kiddos to one. It has been much easier and much harder.

  It has been easier because we already know how to be parents and I already know how to be a (primarily) stay-at-home mom. Not that parenting or being a mom is easy, but neither of these roles are the same new frontier for Josh and I that they were when Liam was born. I have more experience with newborns than I used to: I get less stressed about whether or not I'm doing everything the "right" way, and I spend less time scouring books and Google searches trying to figure out what to do next. Just last night Josh and I were talking about how much easier it is to be patient with the difficult newborn things, like endless feeding or when she just won't go to sleep, because we realize what a short season this is. Sure, we might be super exhausted, but we know it won't last forever. I don't think we realized that when Liam was a newborn. It has also been an easier transition because we already are living a family-with-small-children lifestyle.

  However, it has also been harder. Emotionally, it has been much harder to adjust this time, because I feel like I used to be a better mom to Liam than I am now. It's tough to watch him play on his own or watch cartoons while I sit on the couch feeding Cora. I know it won't be long before she gets quicker at eating, and does so less often, but it is still hard in the short-term moment. I am learning how to make the most of our time just the two of us when she is napping, though, so that is helping my heart. Another difficult part of the transition is adjusting to being in constant motion. It definitely feels like I've moved into the next, more challenging level of Mommy-hood. The divide and conquer strategy is also taking some getting used to. I know once Cora is a little older we will do lots of things as a family, but for now most of Josh's time at home is spent entertaining Liam while I (can you guess?) feed Cora.

  Gratefully, the little person whose transition I was most worried about has been amazing! Liam has been the sweetest big brother since day 1. He has never shown any aggression or frustration toward Cora, and he's continued to be (mostly) obedient and cheerful. The first week she was home was the hardest. He was in and out of the house a lot, being taken to do fun things with his grandparents, but I think the newness of having a sister and the lack of consistency in his schedule wore on him. He had more cranky outbursts than normal that week, but it didn't take long for him to start adjusting to our new family dynamic. Here are a few of our favorite brother/sister moments so far:

Reading one of his favorite books to Sissy while she sleeps

A few days after we got home from the hospital, Liam asked to hold Cora for the first time. He was SO proud of himself!

When Josh is home, he takes over what baby duties he can so that Liam and I can play. Little buddy and I have made forts and gone on a couple of TCBY dates.

Usually a couple of times a day Liam will want to chat with Cora. He really likes looking at her when her eyes are open, and he just giggles when I use a tiny voice and pretend that she is talking to him. He asks to hold her once or twice a day, which lasts for no more than 10 seconds at a time. It's a really precious 10 seconds.

He really enjoys helping me out: bringing diapers or my water bottle, or picking up things that I drop. He was very interested in being involved in Cora's first bath.

  All in all, it's been a great transition, and we're getting more accustomed to it everyday. I know there are going to be plenty of overwhelming, emotional days ahead, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel ... you know, the tunnel of wondering if you're the only mother of two children that you know who may be completely  incapable of parenting two children. With the help of Jesus, my husband, our wonderful families who help out ALL the time, and the super sweet friends who are still bringing us meals 3 times a week, I think I can do it!

And even though it may not be the easiest thing ever, it is so much more worthwhile than the easiest things are.