Back in the Saddle

  Apparently, I took a blogging hiatus for the summer. Busy, got a new phone but my laptop operating system is too old to sync with it so I can't upload pics, and I keep procrastinating ordering a new OS because I know my laptop doesn't have enough space for it, which means I'll need to move lots of photos off of it first ... whatever. I haven't blogged in a few months but I miss it & want to get back in the habit. 

  I've been doing a little writing for other blogs, though, so since I never got around to linking up to them I'll just do a little re-post here. Just making sure I still remember how this whole thing works :)  I wrote this little ditty about the delayed gratification of faith a few weeks ago ... I would just link to it but our church's women's ministry blog is on Tumblr, so I'll just re-post. Hope it encourages you as you wait on the Faithful One!

Anticipating Delight

  Delayed gratification. Waiting for something better, later, instead of settling for less, now. The Scriptures tell us story after story of waiting for fulfillment: Abraham packed up his family and left home, waiting to be shown the land that was to belong to his descendents. The Israelites toiled in Egypt for hundreds of years while waiting to be delivered from slavery. Daniel spent the night with lions, and his friends went into the furnace—all of them awaiting rescue even in the midst of dramatically awful circumstances. Waiting may be a common theme throughout the Bible, but that isn’t the only source that tells us that waiting is good.

  In my role as a counselor, I often have the opportunity to see the truths of Scripture fleshed out (whether for better or worse) in the lives of my clients, as well as in psychological research. I love seeing God’s Word stand firm as researchers publish their findings that announce (in so many words), “Studies have shown your life will work better if you live like this … ,” while they don’t even realize that whatever basic truth they are proclaiming is one that God gave us thousands of years ago. One such subject of study is that of delayed gratification. Over the past fifty years, multiple studies have shown that children who demonstrate an ability to delay gratification will generally go on to experience greater success in life than those who act more impulsively.

  I believe this discipline of waiting is so vitally important because God does not intend for us to find our greatest fulfillment in things that can be obtained in the here and now—new homes, job promotions, good health, successful relationships, etc. These things can all be wonderful blessings, but if we allow any of them to become our end goal, we will one day be left wishing that we had waited for that which is greater. We have been promised that Jesus is preparing a place for us (John 14:3) and that our reward in heaven is great (Matthew 5:12).

  The cost of abundant life now and great reward later is high—we must be willing to take up our cross and follow Him. We must die to our own ambitions and dreams. We must make the commandments of loving God and loving others, and the commission to make disciples, the great pursuits of our lives. Might some earthly, material blessings and comforts be part of what we are given to steward? Of course, but we must strive to deny the addiction that can come with the immediate gratification those things bring.

  So how, practically, do we do this in our wealthy and materialistic culture? Once again, even modern psychology points us back to Biblical truths. More recent studies on delayed gratification have tried to answer the question, “What makes certain people willing to wait?” The findings from one study indicated that children who were able to distract themselves from the immediate prize had a much greater ability to wait for the greater reward that had been promised if they abstained. This truth calls to mind Colossians 3:2: “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” If we will train ourselves to become distracted with the things of God—His promises and works—we will find it much easier to lay aside selfish living. On the other hand, if we feed our minds a steady diet of media and conversations that center on material stuff, we will constantly be frustrated in our attempts to deny self. It will always feel too hard.

  In addition, we don’t have to depend on ourselves to create this type of growth in our lives. Another study showed that a child’s ability to delay gratification was tied to the dependability of the one promising future reward. If the child was continually disappointed, he or she tended to grab at the immediate prize while it was available. They had been given empty promises and they knew it. However, children who had the experience of receiving what had been promised in earlier instances were much more likely to wait for the reward. They knew that the one who had promised was faithful.

  The One Who has promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23). Do you know that? If you will set your affection on Him, if you will allow your mind to dwell on His promises to you and stories of the ways He has shown Himself faithful, a new excitement for eternal reward will follow. The more you know Him, the more natural it will become to wait on Him. He will convince you if you give Him the time. Will you make room in your heart for anticipating delight?

Reflect & Respond

1. “Take your temperature” in regard to waiting … are you already disciplined in setting your mind on long-term goals, or does impulsivity constantly derail you? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any areas in your life where you repeatedly grab at what is temporary instead of patiently waiting.
2. Consider the subjects that distract your mind. Do you find yourself often coveting things or relationships you don’t have, or putting your best energy toward goals that aren’t lasting?
3. Begin building a cache of truth and encouragement in your mind and heart. Read Scripture. Memorize it. Read autobiographies/biographies of men and women of faith, and learn how God showed Himself faithful to them. Spend time with people whose eyes are set on a prize more distant than a few decades from now, and let their passion rub off on you.
4. Ask God to grow you into a woman who seeks first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33).

Freedom Seeds

 There is a line from a song that won’t stop running through my head: “Tomorrow’s freedom is today’s surrender.” The song is called “Dawn to Dusk,” and it was written by All Sons and Daughters, a band I can’t get enough of these days. A number of their songs speak to me; but this line in particular has burrowed deep, and I find myself meditating on its truth over and over again.

It isn’t just the lyric’s message, you know. Scripture shouts freedom as well:

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
2 Corinthians 3:17

“For freedom Christ has set us free …”
Galatians 5:1

“For you were called to freedom, brothers …”
Galatians 5:13

Ah, sweet freedom. Who doesn’t want it? It’s the part that comes before that makes freedom seem so elusive: the surrender. The unclenching of the fists. The deep sigh and the nodding head and
utterance of the words “okay, I’ll obey.” Why do I always seem to think that I am being somehow
heroic when I choose to let God have control in an area of my life? Why do I ever believe the lie that life will be better if I just lean on my own understanding or follow my heart?

Another phrase that has been meandering through my mind for a couple of months now is “the law of the harvest.” Basically, you reap what you sow—if you diligently worked a field and planted
generously, your harvest would be much greater than if you neglected the field and were stingy with your seeds. We are always sowing, you know? Always planting, building, investing—however you want to view it. The energy I spend today is going toward something that will come to fruition later.

So I keep asking myself, are my decisions and practices today going to yield what I hope for
tomorrow? More importantly, what is the long-term trajectory of my daily habits? Choosing to live in worry or fear, prioritizing comfort over obedience, pretending that I am in control … these practices will bring me a harvest of bondage and anxiety. On the other hand, surrender today is tomorrow’s freedom. A difficult apology and the hard work of restoring a relationship today will yield greater freedom in my heart and relationships tomorrow. Surrendering my desire to spend money any way I see fit today will bring greater freedom in giving and greater freedom from being ruled by my possessions
tomorrow. Saying yes when God gives me a task that seems intimidating today will birth new freedom in my life tomorrow as I remember that I’m here for His glory, not mine.

Surrender can feel like stepping off a cliff—scary, unnecessary, even foolish at times—but “underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deut. 33:27, NIV). When I try to control my life, I am imagining that I can see what the future holds and that I know what will work best. When I surrender, I am forced to acknowledge that I don’t know what is coming; but the One who does know is trustworthy and good.

Jesus, please help me to sow the seeds of surrender today so that tomorrow I can dance in the abundant fields of Your freedom.

(For some reflection questions related to these thoughts, see the Fellowship Women's Ministry blog this week).

Social Media: A Manifesto

  Have you read this article about "instagramming your perfect life?" I've seen it all over Facebook lately, and if you haven't read it you've probably read some sort of similar article. Basically, it is a reminder of what we already know: people tend to share pictures on social media of pleasant/happy/exciting things that are happening in their lives and not of frustrating/messy/exhausting/mundane incidents. Thus, if you are bored or lonely and you look and social media, it will probably make you feel worse.

  Honestly, chewing on this whole concept is part of what has kept me from blogging much for the past couple of months (except for Cora's monthly updates) - that along with some unresolved thoughts about privacy issues (ie; to password protect the blog or not? how to respect my children's feelings/privacy as I blog about them? who reads this thing anyway and how do I feel about the potential that counseling clients could Google me and read about my family? is it foolish to spew pics of my little sweeties out into the interwebs?).  So, instead of blogging about my thoughts I've been thinking about my blog. Occasionally I think I should just pull the plug on social media altogether, but then I think of all the ways I feel more connected to people I care about because I read their blogs or see their kids' cute faces on Instagram and I take a few steps back from that ledge.

  A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with a woman who has served as a major encourager in my life and was unloading some of my social media angst onto her. Though her words were gentle and carefully spoken, there was enough hesitation and a bit of a look in her eye that communicated to me, "you can chill out just a little bit." I am quick to recognize the signs of that particular non-verbal message, because I need it a lot. I've always been one to pace so many circles around an issue (or non-issue) that I end up wearing away a trench that I have trouble getting out of. I just get sucked into intensity, I think.

  Anyway, I'm still not sure where I land on the whole privacy issue; and I'd love to hear from others how you have decided what to share online, specifically as it relates to your kids. However, when it comes to the idea that we put on our best face for social media, I think I have come to some conclusions regarding how I present myself and my family:

•   I think I am very similar online to who I am in person: when I leave my house, usually I put on make-up and change out of my pajamas (since kids though, the make-up is a lot more negotiable). Usually when people are coming over to my house, I at least try to pick it up, sweep up the dog hair, and peel the slobbery puffs and yogurt melt off whatever surfaces they have cemented themselves to. Do I do these things because I want everyone to think that I have a perfect house and that I am always perfectly coiffed? Heavens no. It makes me feel better to present myself in a fresh, clean way, and I like to invite others into a home that has at least some semblance of peace as opposed to messy chaos. So, if that's what I do in person, why would I behave differently in the world of social media? Sure I usually have make-up on in pictures I post, and I may crop a shot of my kids to exclude the pile of dirty laundry or the messy kitchen table; but it isn't because I want people to think we don't ever have messes. It's because I want the focus of the photo to be on what is precious or special to me about that moment - the sweet smiles or the silly wrestling - not the fact that my house bears witness to my long chore list.

•  Don't we usually want to document the good? When I look back through old family albums and baby books, I don't find that my mom took tons of pictures of dirty dishes in the sink or people arguing with each other. Yes, we had dirty dishes and we argued, but I'm guessing that's not really what she was hoping she'd look back on and remember when she is 80. Likewise, when I take pics of happy times, I am highlighting what I wish to remember. It's also a great way to train my brain to focus on what is good and lovely in my life, and isn't that Biblical? ("... whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on such things" Phil. 4:8) I want my life to draw attention to the beauty God has created around me, not chaos and drudgery.

• I assume that the people I interact with on social media are responsible for themselves, just as I am responsible for myself. There have been times when I have had to stop following someone on Twitter or hide someone's updates from my Facebook feed because of my own sin issues of being judgmental or envious. There are times I have had to take a break from posting things myself because of my own sin issues of pride or desire for affirmation. Matthew 5:29 says, "if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away ..." If reading my blog or seeing my posts on some social media venue causes someone else to struggle, I sincerely hope that they would unfriend, unfollow, or stop reading. I will not be offended. I will not hunt them down and question them. I know that seeing joy when you are hurting can be painful and amplify the discontent. In my "in person" relationships with friends I strive to be sensitive to what is going on in their life as we converse,  but it just isn't possible to be sensitive to multiple life situations when using a more impersonal form of communication. I can try my best to avoid writing stupid, insensitive things; but I can't know when something I post innocently may be difficult for someone else to deal with. For example, when I had a miscarriage just before becoming pregnant with Cora, it would have felt really insensitive if a friend with a healthy pregnancy was constantly inundating me with texts and phone calls about her excitement. However, if I chose to read her blog updates about her doctor's appointments and feeling the baby move, that's on me. (This is a made up scenario, I didn't actually have a friend who did this). We need to ask the Holy Spirit to teach us to notice when we are posting things with wrong motives, or when we are sinning as a result of reading what others post. When we recognize it, we need to remove the temptation.

• Social media can allow me to celebrate with friends in ways I could not otherwise. I stink at long-distance friendships. I think this is largely because I am not much of a phone person. I mean, I don't hate long phone calls; but especially now, with kiddos, it is hard to find the time (and quiet) to sit down and really get caught up with a faraway friend. Blogs and instagram, in particular, have helped me to stay connected to some friends who I DEARLY love. When I read their blogs there is nothing voyeuristic or comparison driven about it - I care about them and their families and I love hearing about what is going on. I love feeling like I know their kids a little bit, even though I never get to see them, and I'm often so encouraged by what God is doing in and through their lives. Additionally, there have been a couple of times when I started reading a blog of someone I didn't know well and thought I didn't have much in common with, only to find myself cheering them on and later becoming real life friends with them. All that to say, for me social media has enhanced many of my "real life" relationships, as opposed to replacing or damaging them.

  I'm not completely sure why I felt the need to rattle on and on about this topic; but I've thought about it so much that I think I just needed to type it out to free up some brain space. I'm not naive to the ways social media can be unhealthy, discouraging, and addictive.  However, I've decided that I would rather rely on the Holy Spirit to keep my attitudes and motives in check than to throw out the baby with the bathwater. At least for now ... today.

  I'd love to hear feedback on this topic, though. How do you keep your mind and heart healthy both in viewing and posting things on social media? Do you ever realize you are attempting to portray yourself in a particular way? What decisions have you made regarding privacy and why?

We are Weak, But He is Strong

Welcoming my first child into my life expanded my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined. So much love, so much joy, so much laughter. That new mom experience was, for me, both a soaring and a deepening. An expansion.

As a second child joined our family two years later, I found myself being affected in a completely different way. If his entrance taught me about big love, hers has taught me about human limits. (Now, I feel compelled to offer this disclaimer before I say anything else: what God has been teaching me since her birth has very little to do with my daughter’s temperament or behavior and a lot to do with how He is wanting to change my heart.) It has seemed that every area of life is suddenly bounded by tighter restrictions than I am accustomed to. Even though my love for the three other members of my home is so great, I simply cannot be all that they need.

Time cramps me … there aren’t enough hours in the day to keep the little bellies full of what is healthy, the house free of grime and clutter, the spouse cherished, the hearts learning what is true, the minds growing in knowledge and imagination, and the bodies rested and cared for.

 Space confines me … I had never wished that I could be in two places at once until necessity demanded that I leave my toddler occupied with cartoons in one room of the house so I could try to get the crying baby to sleep in another room.

My own frailty hems me in … I get sick. I get tired. I get grumpy.

And of course, other limitations, such as finances, come into play as well. It is wearying, an ongoing struggle to gracefully accept the limitations that each day brings.

Why so many words about self? Only to create a starker comparison between who I am and who God is. That is what these limitations whisper to us: we are not and cannot, but He IS and CAN. He is outside of time – He accomplishes ALL that He wills to do. Nothing is forgotten or neglected. Space does not contain Him – He is everywhere always. Nothing goes unnoticed and no one is left alone while He tends to whoever needs Him most urgently. He is wholly perfect – Holy. He has no limitations. It is staggering.

It is also how He intended it. Of course the curse of sin has brought unceasing chaos into the whole picture of creation; but in the beginning He created us to have limitations. Before the fall Adam and Eve were bound by time and space. They had to eat and rest. Not all limits are not part of the Fall; they are part of His loving plan. Thus, we find freedom in them. They give us a beautiful freedom to choose only the loveliest, the best, because that is all we have time for. A freedom to wait for His strength to exhibit itself in our weaknesses. We weren’t meant to be gods. We weren’t meant to spin universes like so many plates swirling about our heads … not even the tiny universe that encompasses our daily lives and loved ones.

He has given us the gift of eternal childhood. Always depending on Him, always letting Him break off bites of life small enough for us to manage while He takes care of everything else. Always limited, but perhaps not by handcuffs that keep us from doing and being all that we want. Maybe they are simply a gentle hand holding ours and reminding us that we are the small ones and He will take care of us.

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; He remembers we are dust.” Psalm 103:13-14 (ESV)

(My latest devotional, which is up on Fellowship of NWA's Women in Ministry blog. Check it out for some reflection questions and to find more words of encouragement from other women.)

And That's What It's All About

  This morning found me a little grumpy-hearted. It's my 30th birthday ... surely a girl could sleep in a little on her birthday, no? Or at least not be woken every 3 hours throughout the night by the baby who normally sleeps for 8 or 9 hour stretches. At least the birthday girl deserves a nap in the morning when the baby is taking her nap and the boys have gone to get breakfast ... why is the little one only napping for 30 minutes instead of her normal 2 hours? Why can't the pumpkin spice donuts at the family favorite doughnut shop be dairy-free? Surely the birthday girl deserves a doughnut on her birthday, especially when she's worked so hard to cut out foods that hurt the little girl's tummy.

  I was in the midst of donning my birthday-best martyr-wear ... you know, the downcast, weary countenance that sighs and says, "well, I'm the mom so I guess it never gets to be about me." As I was strapping on the gray goggles that were going to cloud my whole day, that beautiful Holy Spirit said, "Happy birthday ... aren't you so glad it never gets to be about you? Is there a better gift?"

  The goggles fell off.

  I get to celebrate my birthday by snuggling the downy soft head of my precious, dreamy-eyed daughter. I get to wipe the sticky, red fingers of the little man who has been sharing my birthday "Hot Molly's" with me (the candy, Hot Tamales ... I like his name better. And I like it when he asks me to blow on them to cool them off!). I get to wrestle them into jackets to go to lunch even though he is cranky because he's so exhausted from no less than an hour of catching and kicking his little Toy Story football with his Daddy. He just learned how to catch it today, being inspired by the high school football game Daddy took him to last night. We cheer wildly for him every time he makes a catch, but clearly it's an exhausting skill for him to master. I get to watch my wonderful husband be so great at adoring all of us all morning, until it is time for him to go do the job that I'm so proud of him for doing. It is the best birthday for me. It is the best life for me.

  And really, the very best part is that even if I didn't have them - the boy and the girl and the man, the two who I am mandated to raise and the one I am called to help - even if I didn't have them, it still wouldn't be about me. I've been rescued from living life at my own beck and call. That's Good News, because I am a terrible taskmaster. Selfish, so easily upset, so rarely satisfied with myself or anyone else. A birthday intended to celebrate me would be a sorry one, indeed. A birthday intended to celebrate freedom from "me-ness"? That's worth a party. I think when I blow out the candles this year, if I can muster enough breath from my out-of-shape lungs for all 30 of them, I'll wish for the next 364 days to be about faithful service to the Master whose burden is light. That would be a good year.

I am going to finish my last few Thankful 30 letters ... I've just had a busy couple of weeks of working on a celebration for my hubby, sick kids, and a shopping trip. The letters are too dear to me to write in a hurry, so I'll finish them as I have time to do their recipients justice with my words.

Just Some Words

  In the midst of the craziness of adjusting to our new addition this summer, I've had the opportunity to do a little extra writing. My father-in-law writes an article relating to mental health every month for a local, free publication for families called Peekaboo. Because he knows I love to write, and I think to give himself a break for a few months, he handed the reigns over to me for August, September, and October. Since I usually blog about my kiddos or things that are on my heart, I've appreciated the opportunity to stretch my brain in a different way as I try to integrate my experiences as a therapist into subject matter that I think may be of interest to parents of young children.

  The other writing opportunity I've been excited about has been joining the rotation of women who contribute devotionals to our church's women's ministry blog. I love sharing what the Lord has been teaching me. The women's ministry blog publishes a new devotional weekly and you can check it out (and my most recent devo) here. Several of the other contributors are wonderfully wise women whom I have looked up to for years, some even decades, so I hope you'll be encouraged by their words!

  Even though my brain has been pretty foggy for the past few months, the chance to do more of something I've always enjoyed has been a sweet gift from God. I have had to step back from certain areas of ministry that have been dear to my heart for years because of my children's current stages; so I am thankful that I can hopefully encourage a few hearts in a different way for now. If you are a mom of little children, I'd love to hear what different ways you have been led to serve or minister to those outside of your home. I know that at this time in my life, serving the little ones God has given me is of utmost importance and I am completely content with that, but I'd love hearing about the ministry opportunities you have been provided!

A Dark Cathedral

 I haven't been blogging much because when I finally get a break from the hours I spend each day trying to get my daughter to sleep, I'm pretty tired of my own words. My brain has become completely bored by my internal dialogue and I just don't have the heart to sit and rehash even a portion of all that I've thought about throughout the day.

  However, I can't shake the feeling that the past few weeks have been some of the most productive I've experienced in a long time; and I wonder if some of what I've been (begrudgingly) learning might be of encouragement to some other mamas of babies out there. So. Here it is:

  My baby does not like falling asleep. Once she's there, and I mean really there - in some deep, deep part of the sleep cycle - she does great. But getting her there? I am not kidding when I say that any other tedious thing I have done in my life truly does not compare. Here are her basic rules for me: Do not sit down. Do not stop moving. Do not expose my tiny eyelids to light. Do provide the loudest droning noise possible (in our case, the fan in the hall bathroom, but if you have a jet engine you'd like to loan me, it would probably work better). Spend a minimum of 25 minutes doing all these things, and then repeat as needed.

  This is frustrating and exhausting and most definitely not her fault. She is 7 weeks old. She is hyper alert and has a hard time winding down. Sometimes she gets painful gas. She's a baby just being the way God made her. And I'm her mommy. He picked us for each other. He ordained these days, these long evenings. He knew that, at best, I might get 45 minutes of peace each night between rocking and feedings before I go to sleep. He knew I need to learn some things, and that I need to practice them every single day.

  He knew I need to be reminded how selfish I am. I get frustrated with the sleep drama because it infringes on what I want to do. Even if what I want to do isn't self-centered, like laundry or playing with Liam, it is still my plan and therefore, not necessarily God's. So, everyday, several times a day (but especially from the hours of 7:30-9:30) I get to practice submitting to God's plan for my time. It is painful, but I know it is good.

  He knew I needed to become more disciplined in prayer. So, He allows my daughter to only fall asleep in situations that keep me from doing anything besides being silent. In the dark. I cannot look at stuff on my smartphone or read a book on my Kindle or watch a t.v. show. During my bouncing/rocking in the dark I have been reminded of how to really pray for people. Not just mention their names to God in passing, but how to let the Holy Spirit help my mind to dwell on those I care for and really bring them before the throne of grace.

  He knew I need to  learn to abide and live with a sense of need. I know it sounds ridiculous, but during these times I am more aware of my need for God. I CANNOT maintain a good attitude on my own. I get so weary that my nature wants to either weep or become furious. By the end of the day I am relentlessly asking God for patience and grace. At first it seemed silly to spend so much time asking God for help in a situation that is so small, compared to other difficult situations; but then I realized that it is just as simple for Him to help someone experiencing a massive crisis as it is for Him to help me in my trivial frustration. He just wants us to rely on Him - no matter what our circumstances.

  God is slowly and painstakingly kneading these truths (and others too, I'm sure) into my soul as the minutes roll into hours and the little one haltingly drifts off. A huge part of me can't wait for some normalcy to return. But then, another part of me wonders if that just means a return to selfishness, on my part. Will less time swaying in the dark bathroom just mean more time mindlessly surfing the internet? In my mind I'm providing my daughter with all of these props because they are necessary to get her to sleep; but perhaps my Father is simply providing His daughter with the props necessary to get her to more fully rest in Him. It is with my heels digging in and teeth tightly clenched that I ask God to keep me in my dark cathedral until my heart learns to return there on its own.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

  I've been tasked with providing a nurturing and loving environment that will foster the growth and development of two little seedling hearts. Someday they will be transplanted from the sheltering greenhouse their Daddy & I call home and they will find themselves providing strength, beauty, and shelter for others. For now, though, ours is the soil that feeds them; and I'm afraid my pH balance has been a bit off the past couple of weeks. I'm a little ... acidic.

  Of course it's understandable. Of course I get overwhelmed. I have postpartum hormones and I'm sleep deprived. I have two little people who are dependent on me and who aren't afraid to let me know what they want. I'm not beating myself up for being weary and for looking anxiously toward those mid-afternoon and late night hours when they both sleep. Any human would.

  BUT, I don't want my life to bear the fruit of humanity: anxiety, worry, discontent, crankiness, anger, bitterness. Sure, they are all understandable, but they aren't how I want to be characterized and they certainly aren't the environment I want for my tender little sprouts. I want the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I want more than myself for my kids. I'm not growing them for myself, after all.

  So, this acidic soil needs to be sweetened. Ann Voskamp has reminded so many of us of the health that comes with recognizing and acknowledging the gifts that infiltrate our everyday lives. At this stage in life, I see more reason for a mega-dose of gratefulness than I ever have before. I need the perspective that it brings to help lift my mind above the crying and whining and disciplining and self-imposed guilt that filter into our home in varying amounts on a daily basis.  If His mercies are, indeed, new every morning, I want to do a better job of paying attention so I don't miss them.

  That being said, here are a few of today's mercies:

• Cora sleeping in the car on the way to the church & library instead of screaming the entire time, as she normally does.
• Cora sleeping in my arms at the library instead of fussing, so Liam was able play with puzzles and puppets. A much needed outing in this, the hottest of summers.
• Liam's little voice singing along with his Seeds Family Worship cd
• Mom & sis coming over to provide some company and to put Cora down for a nap so Liam and I could read his new library books before his nap.
• NWA dealpiggy offering a great discount on air-conditioning repair services today, when our air-conditioning stopped working, AND the repairman can come today.
• Our air-conditioning failing on a day when it is in the low 90s outside instead of in the 100s, as it has been for the past few weeks.
• Cooking dinner for the very first time since June, thanks to our families and lots of sweet friends who brought us meals for the past month.
• "Cooking" a dinner that takes, literally, 5-7 minutes to throw into the crockpot. Done.
• The timing of the olympics. Television I'm really interested in watching during weeks when I'm doing lots of sitting, feeding little sister, and it's too hot to take little ones anywhere.
• Precious friends who pour out godly encouragement when I let them know I'm having trouble seeing life clearly.

"Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!"

-Great is Thy Faitfulness, Thomas Chisholm 

Wondrous Works

  I'm back! Perhaps you didn't know I had been anywhere, but for a couple of months we shut off our internet service to save some money. We just turned it back on, and I'm so excited to document our first couple of weeks as a family of four! That's right, our sweet Cora Nicole was born on July 3, at 1:38pm. She weighed in at a whopping 9lbs., 2oz., and was 20in. long - 1/2in. shorter than her brother was at birth, and 2lbs. heavier!

There is so much to catch up on ... I still haven't even posted Liam's 2 year update and his birthday was over 2 months ago. However, for tonight I want to tell the story of Cora's arrival: a story worthy of telling partly because it is about her, but primarily because it is about the grace of God. A few days after coming home from the hospital I read Psalm 105 and was reminded why I need to tell this story:

 "Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and he judgments he uttered," Psalm 106:1-5

  So, a story of one of His wondrous works ...

  At my 39 week check-up, my doctor and I decided that I would check in to the hospital on July 3 to be induced. The 3rd was one day after my due date and the next time my doctor was on-call. I felt a little guilty about scheduling an induction that didn't seem to be medically necessary, but I had been dilated 3cm for a couple of weeks already and I really wanted my doctor to be the one to deliver her, so we went for it.

  We arrived at the hospital at 6am that Tuesday, and by 7:45 my doctor had come and broken my water. Josh and I were both very relaxed and spent the morning watching coverage of the Tour de France and re-runs of olympic gymnastic trials. By 10:30 my contractions were still pretty far apart (about every 8 min.), but had become painful enough that I got an epidural. By 11:00 my nurse thought my doctor would want to start me on pitocin since the contractions weren't getting much closer, but upon checking me she found I had progressed to 7cm - no wonder the contractions had started hurting! My doctor came by my room on her lunch break to check on me, and found I was nearly ready to start pushing!

  After only about 20 minutes of pushing, Cora's head came out, and it was at this point that our smooth labor and delivery process took an unexpected turn. Her shoulders became stuck - an emergency condition called shoulder dystocia. I didn't really know what was going on ... just that she was stuck and I needed to keep pushing.  The next few minutes were intense, much more so than I even realized at the time. I knew things were serious when I could see fear in my husband's face, and when two of the nurses in the room jumped up onto my bed with me and were pushing on my belly, trying to dislodge her.

  When she finally came out, she was blue and unresponsive. The NICU nurses who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere whisked her to the other side of the room where they immediately began administering oxygen. My amazing nurse, Lisa (a long time family friend ... she's known me since I was a little girl), leaned on my shoulder and prayed that Jesus would breathe life into Cora. It has taken me longer to type these last two paragraphs than it took to live the experience, so I can't say exactly what I was thinking during those brief, yet long minutes, but I do recall two thought fragments that flashed through my brain. I know I realized my baby might not live; and I know I thought about the meaning of her name: heart full of victory.  I knew she would experience God's victory in her life, regardless of the outcome of that day.

 Sometime between a minute and two minutes after she emerged, we finally heard a tiny whimper, which graciously grew stronger and stronger. Cora recovered from her traumatic birth so quickly that she didn't even have to be taken to the NICU. Within 10 minutes she was strong and stable enough that I was able to hold her for a couple of minutes, before she was taken to the nursery for some tests and x-rays, just to be sure she hadn't suffered any additional complications. Two hours later she was brought back to us - pink, hungry, with no broken bones or nerve damage and amazingly minimal bruising. Twenty-four hours later, we were headed home.

The blessed hands that Jesus used to help revive our baby girl

Proud Daddy loving on his sweetheart

Snuggles

1st night home: so happy to be with both of my little treasures

 I will never be able to express my gratefulness that on July 3, 2012, God decided to give Cora victory by breathing life into her lungs. However, as wonderful as that gift is, my greater hope and prayer for her is that, at some point in her young life,  He will give her victory by breathing eternal life into her spirit and by waking her heart to a knowledge of Him. I pray that she will live a full and abundant life in Him, and that she will be used to point others toward the victorious life they, too, can have in Him.

  Thank you, Jesus, for Cora.

Easter 2012

 Our Easter celebration this year was wonderful ... everything you'd hope for with a nearly two year old, really. I had been charmed by lots of fantastic ideas on Pinterest that would have been either darling or great teaching tools for Liam, or both; but I decided to keep things simple this year. We have a lot going on and I think some of the neat ideas will make a bit more of an impact on our little man next year.

  So, on the Saturday before Easter, we had a little family egg dyeing fun. Actually, it wasn't super fun, at least at first. Liam was whiny and then once he decided that he wanted to be involved, playing with eggs and dye with a 22 month old wasn't the most relaxing activity. I told Josh that it is a good thing that pictures don't show any of that ... we'll just look back at these and be glad we did it and remember having fun.

  Our little entertainer decided to ham it up for Daddy & the camera - Josh got a slew of silly faces out of him, but these are a couple of my favorites.

  Saturday night we celebrated Easter with our Mosaic church family, and then in the middle of the night Saturday, Liam decided to be awake from 2:00-4:30am. I was pretty sure his messed up sleep schedule was going to ruin all of our plans for Sunday, but gratefully I was able to just roll with it and not feel stressed, knowing we could ditch our plans and take naps instead at any time.  Amazingly, our little man slept in until just when we needed him to get up, and was a trooper all day ... even though he didn't get to nap until late in the afternoon.

  Sunday morning we met both of our families at church for a beautiful service. We brought Liam to "big church" with us instead of putting him in the nursery, and he did wonderfully.

  After church, Josh's parents came back to our house with us for a little egg-hunting.

  Liam loved it, until he fell and scraped his leg. Gratefully, he recovered quickly.

 

  After the egg hunt, we loaded up and headed over to a friend's house for our annual Easter gathering. For over a decade now, my family has celebrated Easter with a bunch of our oldest family friends. When Josh and I got married, his parents started joining us, so we are able to all be together. With an average attendance of somewhere between 30-50 people, it gets a little crazy, but it is always so sweet to celebrate Jesus' resurrection with so many people we love. I never think to take pictures when we are there, which is unfortunate, but this year Liam was delighted to join in on the egg hunt at Mrs. Sallye's.

  It really was a perfect day, and I can't wait until next year when we can add a sweet little girl in an Easter dress to our family pictures!

In My Absence ...

  I haven't really blogged for the past week because I have a time-sensitive creative project that I've been using all of my spare time (nap times & after-Liam's-bed-times) to work on. I'm looking forward to getting some Easter pictures posted and, hopefully, sharing some thoughts from the Easter services at our church last weekend. However, that will have to wait until I'm done with this project, which has to be finished by Saturday.

  In the meantime, you might want to hop over to this blog - Daily Bread & Butter - and read this post on sacrificial parenting. I really enjoyed the thoughts on the beauty and the cost of the word, "yes".

Why this Friday is Good

Found on Oh, Hello Friend & downloadable here.

Good & Not So Good

  Even though I should be sleeping right now, I thought I'd take the few quiet minutes before my eyelids clang shut to briefly reflect a few thoughts from the last few days of our Memphis trip. It's been mostly wonderful, with just a few rougher parts to it, so here you have it:

The Good:

• Getting focused, quality time with some of the girls in my small group, and getting to know many of the other jr. high students much better. I'm around these kids all the time, but since I'm always chasing down Liam it's tough to really get names & faces put together and to learn important things, like what their families are like, or who their celebrity crushes are :)
• Serving alongside my husband. In a way, I am always aware that I am serving alongside my husband. When he goes on trips or has church activities that I'm unable to be involved in because I need to be caring for Liam, I know that by taking care of things at home, I am freeing him up to serve elsewhere. However, this week it has been neat to get to physically be alongside him as we serve ... watching him interact with students and seeing how his leadership style has developed over the last couple of years when I've been too busy being a giant pregnant woman or caring for a baby to take much notice of those things.
• Being reminded of how much I love students. Again, I'm around them a lot, but usually I have so much going on when I'm with them that I don't really see them. This week I've been reminded of how awesome it is to watch the early stages of the journey that begins as the ability to (sometimes) use critical thinking skills, the development of (some) self-awareness, and all the passion and earnestness of adolescence collide. No wonder it's such an awkward time in life. It's a little like watching baby chicks hatch from eggs: so weird, yet so amazing. I love teenagers.
• Feeling different parts of my brain light up that don't get used as much as of late. While I LOVE my days at home and would not trade this time for anything, it's fun to remember certain traits that I possess that tend to lie dormant during this stage in life. I don't really have a need for some of them in my daily life, but it's been fun to dust them off and function in a different role than I do normally.
• Being challenged to pray in new ways for my son & daughter. All this focused time with students has really been a great reminder to be so, so prayerful for my children and who they will become. Now that I'm a parent, it's so neat to be around some of these kids and realize how honored and grateful their parents must feel as they see who their children are becoming. It's overwhelming to think about what a joy it would be to see Liam display some of the qualities I've observed in some of the boys this week, as he becomes a young man.

Now, the Not So Good:

• Being away from Liam for 5 nights. Ugghhh. He just about killed me when I called him today and he said, "Mommy, home?" as soon as he got on the phone. I miss my little curly-headed love a TON and I can't wait to get home to him Friday afternoon.
• Having crazy long, jam-packed days, while being quite pregnant. I've been getting up earlier and going to bed later than I do at home, sitting much less, and working at more exhausting tasks. If I was sleeping on an air mattress in the gym with everyone else, I think I would have been completely worthless by day 2 of the trip. Praise the Lord for the Austells and the comfortable bed in a quiet room that they are letting me use. I'm also thankful they have hot showers ... I've taken my fair share of freezing cold showers on mission trips in the past, but I'm grateful this year is not one of those years.

That about sums it up ... one more day of work and play tomorrow,  and then Friday I head home to my boy!

I See the Moon & the Moon Sees Me

  I keep not blogging because my thoughts over the past week are all heavier than I've been able to muster the energy to sift through appropriately. The corner of the world I live in has been significantly sadder, and it takes time for me to form coherent thoughts during times like these. I'm almost there, though. Hopefully the next few days will afford me the time and mental energy to get some of those thoughts out.

  But, tonight ... the moon. On the way home from the jr. high/ high school worship night we attend once a month, Liam suddenly noticed the bright, nearly full moon shining in his car window. "Mommy! Moon!", he exclaimed. The bright moon was lighting the sky, in bits and pieces, as the swiftly moving dark clouds blew past. It was 8:00 and the quiet, country roads near our home were empty, so I slowed the car to a stop, right there in the middle of the road, and we watched as the moon played peekaboo with us. "Moon? W'ah you? (translation: where are you?)" he would say, every time a large cloud bank moved in to obscure the light.

  When we finally pulled into our garage I took him out of his car seat and we walked out onto the windy driveway so we could see over the roof line of our house to the place the moon continued his game. Liam giggled in anticipation when the darkness started to thin and he could see the brightness growing. His giggles turned into squeals and shouts of "Moon! Moon!" when the full face was finally visible again.

  Yes, there has been sadness. Unimaginable pain and loss has struck the lives of some people I care for deeply in the past week. But tonight, the moon and the joy of peekaboo reminded me that even though it is sometimes hard to see the light, and we wonder where it has gone, the darkness is fleeting. The Light remains, shining on.

You can read more about the sadness from those who are walking through it:
Melissa's blog
Savannah's blog

To Those Who are Waiting

  "Reading this may hurt the hearts of some people you know." That is the thought that goes through my head whenever I write a blog post about Liam's antics or plans for our baby girl. It was definitely on my mind as I wrote about ideas for her nursery, yesterday. The thought has also come into my mind each of the three times that I have been blessed with positive pregnancy tests. "Hearing about this may hurt the hearts of some of the people you know."

  I'm not totally sure what I'm wanting to say with all of this, but I think I'm just wanting to acknowledge the fact that even though God has chosen, for whatever His reasons are, to give my little family much to celebrate lately; I know there are many others whom He is leading through the valley of the shadow of death. I have sweet friends whose marriages have crumbled and have no idea how to even think about the future. I have friends I love dearly who are hoping and trusting in the Lord for a spouse, even as most of their good friends are well into the child-rearing stage of life. I know so, so many wonderful hearts who are longing to be blessed with a child and navigating through the turbulent waters of medical procedures or long adoption waits.

  I can't pretend to know what any of those experiences are like. Sure, I have known heartbreak and wondered whether or not the Lord had marriage in my future, but that question was answered at a relatively young age. Sure, getting pregnant with Liam wasn't easy, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't that hard either. Yes, I've known the pain of losing a baby to miscarriage (there is no 'but' for that one). However, my inexperience in dealing with a long period of singleness, or infertility, or divorce does not disqualify my heart from aching for those who have had to carry those burdens. I don't think my life is better because, thus far, God has not called me to follow Him into any of those deserts, but I do feel a heaviness for those whose longings seem to go unmet.

  This is not to say that I do not have any longings that are unmet; but the things that my heart has had to hope for and long for over great periods of time would not be appropriate to write about in a public venue, because those longings involve others' stories, as well, which are not fully mine to tell. I think I just want anyone who is reading this and dealing with those types of heartache to know that even in my rejoicing, a part of my heart continues to mourn with them. It is not a mourning that diminishes my joy in the gifts that the Lord has given me, but I do feel that my joy would be doubled or tripled to learn that your hopes have been realized. I often pray for my friends who are waiting, and to be honest, much of the frustration I experience in my relationship with the Lord is in trying to trust what He is doing in the lives of others. How I wish I could just fix wombs and marriages and foreign adoption offices and turn frogs into Mr. Rights.

  Since I can't do any of those things, I am left to cling to the truth of Psalm 25:10: "All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." I will continue to pray, I will continue to thank God for the pleasant path He is leading me on at present, and I will trust that even though your present paths are much more difficult, they are still paths of the Lord's steadfast love and faithfulness. I will also pray that God will give me the courage to trust Him deeply when He leads me down those rockier paths.

 I love you, friends, and I pray you will close your browser when your heart doesn't need to see another baby post or when Satan tries to whisper lies to you about others' lives being perfectly sunny all the time while the Lord is letting you down. If you're going through a particularly rough patch, please don't ever think I wouldn't want to hear about it or get an email with a prayer request. We're all the Body of Christ, and I want to mourn with you, knowing that someday (be it in this life or the next) we're going to get to celebrate the beauty of what God had going on all along. I'm longing for that day for all of us.

The One I Have & the One Who is Coming

  If you read my blog post yesterday, you know I was a bit somber; but gratefully my sentimental state was held in check by my sweet Liam's antics. He was so well-behaved yesterday (except for a pre-dinner meltdown), and was just such a hoot. I'm sure sitting in the car for the 40 minute drives to and from my supervision appointment wasn't his favorite activity, but as long as the Veggie Tales were crooning to him over the stereo, he was perfectly content. School buses are one of his favorite things right now: pictures of buses in books, his Little People bus, the song The Wheels on the Bus, and oh, when he sees a school bus on the road ... you'd think someone just told him he won a million dollars. He FREAKS out. Anyway, he's started doing the hand motions to "bus" (to Liam all song titles consist of only one word, so obviously The Wheels on the Bus is just "bus"), and it was so cute watching him press his little index finger against his pursed lips as "the mommy on the bus," said, "shh, shh, shh."

  After our long morning out we shared some leftover roasted red pepper & tomato soup (a favorite of both of ours). Side note: This soup is AMAZING. It is by far my favorite packaged soup I have ever tried, and I love that you can just pour & heat what you need & leave the rest in the fridge. And no one is paying me to say that, it's just really, really good.

  Anyway, when my buddy's bowl started getting low and he asked for "mo soup" I responded by pouring some of the soup out of my bowl and into his. With a look of delight, he said, "sanks, Mom!" It was the first time he spontaneously thanked me for something, and it was such a precious moment. I know I'll have to remind him to say thank you at least a billion more times in his life, but it was sweet to glimpse a little grateful heart.

  In the midst of all the silly, dear, frustrating and exhausting moments with kiddo #1, I've been plugging away at growing our next little family member. Tomorrow's the big day when we will (hopefully) learn whether Liam will have a little brother or a little sister and we are SO excited to find out! In light of tomorrow's ultrasound, though, I wanted to take a minute just to say how thrilled we are regardless of the baby's gender. Since we already have a son, lots of people have asked or assumed that we are hoping that this little one is a girl. In case you, friend or family member who is reading, have wondered this yourself, we are not.

  Yes, I would absolutely love to have a daughter at some point. I love my mom and sister and my relationships with them and it would be such a gift to get to have that type of bond with my own daughter someday. However, my boy melts my heart and it is such a privilege to get to raise a little pre-man. Grown men have such extreme capacities: they can be terrifying in their destructive power or awe-inspiring in their self-controlled leadership. I count it no small thing to be called to nurture, cuddle, discipline, and love one future man; and I would be so honored to be given the gift of another. Deep thoughts aside, I think it would be really fun (and crazy) to have two boys just two years apart. The visions of bunk beds and bruises and chaos make me simultaneously smile and want to sit down and put my feet up. I'd love for Liam to have a brother to adventure with.

  But, we could have a girl! I may not be the mom who encourages glitter and big bows and animal print; but I would love to raise a little lady. To have a sweet one to introduce to Anne (with an "e"), to (attempt) to sew cute clothes for, and to watch adore her daddy & big brother. It would be such a privilege to read Elisabeth Elliott and Amy Carmichael and Madeleine L'Engle with my own girl and to teach her that knowledge is an accessory that will always be fashionable and that wisdom is beautiful. It would be an honor to be chosen to do my best to model gentleness, respect, adventure, and grace to a future woman who will influence her own world one day. I'd love for Liam to have a sister to adventure with.

  If this little baby doesn't cooperate tomorrow, I'll have the second half of pregnancy to see-saw between these two dreams, but in all likelihood, tomorrow I will tuck one away as I embrace the other. We'll start preparing for the one who is coming this summer and not look back once to what the other option might have been like. I just wanted to take a few minutes to acknowledge how truly awesome it will be, either way.

End of an Era

  Today is the first day in eleven and a half years that I do not have a standing academic or career reason to return to my alma mater. From the years of 2000-2004, I was attending John Brown University as an undergraduate student. Then, from 2004-2007 I was a graduate student in their counseling program and an employee. After I graduated in 2007, the chair of the counseling department became my supervisor - all counselors in Arkansas are required to have a supervisor they meet with regularly for the first 3,000 hours of their career.

  Two weeks ago I passed a test that exempted me from the last 500 hours of my licensure process, and today my supervisor and I met and signed my "termination of supervision" forms. I'm done.

  Though I know I will be celebrating this accomplishment more in the weeks to come, as my professional license number comes in and I really think about how much money and time I'll save since I'll no longer have to drive 40 minutes to meet with someone and pay him to talk to me about my clients; but today I feel sad.

  JBU has been an incredibly formative part of my life (and how could it not be when I've spent so much time there for over a decade?). I love that place so much, I feel like I've had to be weaned off of time spent there. I was sad when I moved off campus after I graduated with my Bachelor's. I was sad to leave my job & know I wouldn't take classes on campus anymore when I graduated with my Master's. Now I'm sad because I have no more reason to go by campus than any other alum. I'm also sad because my supervisor, Dr. Carmack, has been more like a family member for the last several years than a professor or boss or supervisor. I'll miss his texts reminding me that it's been too long since the last time we met or that my 6 month reports are due. I'll miss him trying to convince Liam that he is another one of Liam's grandpas and giving me sound career advice.

  Really, I think that's why I loved JBU so much, in the first place. It's a little school. A little school that may not have all the flashy bells and whistles of a large university, but what it lacks in pizazz, it makes up for in heart. Dr. Carmack may be the most recent faculty member to make a mark on my life, but he certainly isn't the only one. Just the other day I emailed a prof from my undergrad days to thank him again for advice he gave - probably 8 years ago - that I still value and pass on to those I mentor. I am so thankful for the men and women at this school who have given not only their knowledge and expertise to the students who sit in their classrooms, but have chosen to share their hearts, as well. If I wasn't a mommy who feels strongly that my energy needs to be spent on the little people God keeps blessing me with, I'd jump through every hoop I necessary to be able to be one of those women for the students who are currently enrolled.

  Perhaps one day, I'll be back.

Strength & Majesty

  I won't lie by telling you that I generally wake up before Liam to read my Bible. Usually, I sleep until I hear his happy little morning voice chirping away over the monitor. This morning, though, he slept in almost an hour later than is his norm, so I spent a little time curled up in bed reading in Psalms. One of the chapters I read, 93, begins this way, "The Lord reigns, He is robed in majesty; the Lord is robed; He has put on strength as His belt." (Ps. 93:1) That verse stood out to me, and when I finished reading I prayed a simple prayer: "Lord, show me your strength & majesty today."

  Liam was sick yesterday. When I went in his room to get him out of bed yesterday morning he said, "Mommy, uh-oh," and pointed to a pile of throw-up in his bed. He hasn't gotten sick again since then, but his mood has been a little off. Consequently, today still involved a lot more fussing and neediness than usual, except for the glorious couple of hours when he was distracted by his friends, Lilly, Fischer, and Bryson. By the time 7:30 rolled around this evening I was done. I was ready to get him in bed so I could plop on the couch in time for the Office and Up All Night. I finished our bedtime routine and closed the door at 7:52 - the Office starts at 8:00. Perfect.

  At 8:16 Liam started wailing. Sometimes he fusses a little at night before he falls asleep, but I could tell this wasn't a normal wind-down whimper. I needed to tend to him. Right in the middle of my show. A BAD attitude reared its head as I walked down the hall. Thankfully, it never takes more than a minute or two of cuddling my precious son to kick my selfishness to the curb, and as I sang through the verses of Amazing Grace (one of Liam's favorites: "Grace!") I thought about what a gift it is that an act of worship to God - nurturing the child He has given me - can be so tender. As I was meditating on how kind it is that God has designed all of the very best experiences in life to be a way of glorifying Him, I was reminded of my prayer from this morning.

  Briefly, I felt a twinge of disappointment. I couldn't remember noticing anything remotely close to the strength or majesty of God in any of the fussy, tiring, or house-full-of-toddlers moments of my day. Before that disappointment even had time to sink in, my heart heard the words, "this is it," and I was immediately reminded of the story in I Kings 19 when the Lord instructs Elijah to stand before Him on the mount:

     "And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rock before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, the sound of a low whisper." (I Kings 19:11-12)

  The God I serve is all-powerful. The wind and the waves obey Him. The God I serve is robed in majesty. I wouldn't survive the experience of seeing Him with my human eyes. The God I serve is humble. He wrapped all His strength and majesty in the form of a baby when He sent His incarnate Son to earth, and He continues to remind us that we are to, "be still and know," that He is God (Ps. 46:10).

  I think I'll start trying to wake up before Liam more often. I need more quiet, majestic moments.

The Thankful Month

I've seen several people who are posting something they are thankful for everyday in November, and I believe I'm going to jump on that bandwagon. This fall I feel like I have a lot on my mind ... thoughts that are lurking on the sidelines, just waiting to pounce on my joy and rob me of my contentment. A month of choosing to daily focus on the small (or enormous) blessings of that day might be just what the doctor ordered to help me think on, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy," so I will know that the God of peace is with me (Philippians 4:8-9).

 So, here is day 1 & day 2 (since today is the 2nd):

Day 1:
 Yesterday I was so thankful for the ministry of Loving Choices. Josh and I attended this organization's annual banquet last night, as we do every year; and, just like every year, my heart was filled with gratefulness. Gratefulness for my parents, who helped start the ministry when I was little; grateful for the people who have kept it going and have grown it's reach over the past 24 years, grateful for the over 900 people who were in attendance, and grateful for a God who loves unborn babies AND their mamas.

Day 2:
 Today I am thankful that my life isn't about me - it's about the big story of Jesus that continues to unfold. I'm thankful that the events of my life have specific purposes in that story and that no matter how many battles I might feel like I'm losing along the way, the war is over and I'm on the side of victory.

 Also, I'm thankful for sweet tea.

p.s. some of the things I wrote today might sound like I'm depressed or really going through a tough time ... I think I'd be honest if I was, but I'm not. Just some stuff I've been thinking about.

Oh, and in case you wondered, Liam is NOT thankful for the green tomato he chomped into at Papa & Grammy's farm today.

All Broken, All Matter, One Gets the Glory

 Those words, "All are broken, All matter, and One gets the glory" are the three values that drive the church we attend, Mosaic at Fellowship NWA. The idea is that even though sin has fractured everyone's life, each life and story is valuable to God. When we are pieced together in the Body of Christ, in the beautiful Mosaic that it is, God is the One who receives all the glory.

 The reason I'm bringing this up, is because of a blog post my sister wrote, which I just read this evening. Her post reminded me of those values - of being a little part of a grand whole. Her post also struck me because I've been chewing on the subject of humility a lot lately. At some point I'm going to churn out some of the things I've been thinking about, but in the meantime, please read my sisters words, if you feel so inclined. They are beautiful and true. Her blog is called Ordinary to Extraordinary and the post I'm referring to is called Twigs.

Enjoy!