Heart Day

A few things I love this Valentine's Day, 2013:



 * Getting up early to tie a big red bow on a box of Swiss Cake Rolls for my hubby (his favorite), and finding the flowers he put out on the kitchen table after I went to bed last night.

 * Liam waking up singing, and the conversation that followed when I went into his room:
  (I open the door and immediately hear): Mommy, are you still Gander Goose? (a character in a Sam McBratney book ... it's a daddy goose, but Liam is convinced it is a mommy and was pretending we were geese when we went to bed last night)
Me: yes, if you want me to be
L: I was singing to you, mom
Me: I heard you on the monitor! It was so pretty! What song were you singing?
L: It goes like this mom, [sung gently, as a lullabye] "Don't cry little mommy, don't cry little mommy." Jesus sings that song to you and now I sing it, too!
Me: [speechless]

 * Liam being SO thrilled about the 99 cent tumblers I bought him for Valentine's Day, so he can start practicing using a big boy cup. He was so proud of himself and all day long has been saying, "I'm just going to go in the kitchen to get another drink of water, mom."
 

 
 * Cora giggling about the new Sesame Street board book that was in her Valentine's Day bucket.

 * Playing "No, I love YOU," with Liam. This is how the game works:
  Me: I love you!
  L: No, I love YOU!
  Me: Well, I think you're amazing!
  L: You're amazing!
  Me: You are my buddy!
  L: You are my sweetie!
  etc.
  It's pretty awesome.

 * This picture:

 

  Cora smiling and lunging for me, Liam being a goofball. Typical.

 * That Thursday is our Friday, so tomorrow we will have family doughnut day and then I will go have lunch and talk about exciting wedding plans with my sweet friend, Becky.

  You could take away the "Be My Valentine" banner hanging in our window, the heart-shaped rice krispy treats I made last night, the pink foil covered "Mershey's" kisses (as Liam calls them), and the pink and red clothing I made my children wear today, and this would still be a day of love. They all are.

Just the Two of Us

  This Christmas was good to us. I mean, this Christmas our families were so good and generous to us. My favorite gifts that we received this year were opportunities for experiences that we probably wouldn't have gotten for ourselves. Season passes to Silver Dollar City, babysitting coupons, gift cards to restaurants ... these are a few of my favorite things.

  Anyway, this year my parents gifted us a night away at a hotel & a couple's massage, as well as childcare for our mini stay-cation. We took advantage of their generosity last night - sort of an early Valentine's get-away - and ... It. Was. Glorious.

  I'm always writing about the kiddos, so I thought it would be nice to document the fact that we did something that didn't involve Veggie Tales, diapers, pacifiers, and Hot Wheels. Yesterday afternoon my mom cam over after we got the little ones down for their naps, and then we took off. Freedom! Well, first we went and signed a dozens of papers since we are refinancing our house (yay!), and ... freedom! We picked up lunch and checked into our suite. It was quiet. It had cable. We ate, watched pointless television, read, and then napped at 5pm. Because we could.

  After our evening naps we got ready for dinner at Eleven, the restaurant at Crystal Bridges museum. We've been wanting to try it out for a while, and we were not disappointed. I ordered the Arctic Char and it was seriously one of the best things I have ever put in my mouth. I told Josh I would eat the dish everyday if I could, and if we hadn't been in public I probably would have licked my plate. Instead, I settled for scraping every last teensy piece of quinoa off of my plate and using the side of my fork to scoop up the remnants of the pomegranate balsamic reduction. So, you should eat there sometime.

  After dinner we ran by Wal-Mart to pick up some snacks, then went back to the hotel for more R&R. I was a little bummed that I had a really difficult time falling asleep ... apparently I now need the noise of the kids' sound machines coming through their monitors to purr me to sleep. When I finally turned on the sound machine app on my phone I was out like a light. Until 10:30am. That was amazing. Sadly, I woke up to discover I had a voicemail from the spa telling me one of the massage therapists came down with the flu, so we'll have to get our massages another time. The theme of relaxation continued until we checked out at lunchtime and decided to try out Pho Thanh, a Vietnamese restaurant in Bentonville. It was ridiculously good. The prices were very reasonable, we got WAY more food than we expected, and the waitress was so sweet and helpful. The eggrolls were delicious, and if you go I would recommend ordering the bun thit nuong cha gio, or "B2" (this was my first experience with Vietnamese food and it made me feel like less of a rookie to type the full name).

    A quick Target trip after lunch yielded a super cute pair of mint skinny jeans for me ... they actually aren't cute on at all right now, but I need motivation to make myself start working out, so I bought a size too small in hopes that they'll fit sometime in the 90 day return period :) We then arrived home to find a clean house with my massive pile of ironing done (thanks mom!) and sleeping babies. Cora woke a few minutes later and spent about 45 minutes just snuggling me: cooing, playing with my hair, flirting with her daddy, and sweetly flopping her head over on me. She's a heart-melter, that one.

Ahhh. It's good to be home.

Hello, Goodbye

  Happy 2013! I'm hoping both that this year goes by a bit slower than the last (does that ever happen?) and that I am asleep for more of it than I was for 2012. Being pregnant for the first half of the year and having a newborn/infant for the second half = not too much sleep for Stefanie. I think 2013 is looking up in that department ... hopefully.

  2012 gave us some great opportunities to say hello to new things in our lives ...

We have gladly welcomed the kazillion new words, phrases, and imaginary friends Liam has brought into our home this year. Interacting with him and learning more and more about what's going on in his awesome little brain has been one of the most fun parts of the year ... and our lives.

  We have said hello to the presence of pink in our home! The first half of 2012 brought LOTS of fun sewing, painting, and decorating projects as we awaited little sister. It was so fun to start planning for our daughter.

  Josh had the opportunity to say hello to some new responsibilities at work. He is still primarily focused on the 4th-6th grade ministry, but he is now the team leader for 1st-6th grade. He continues to love the team he works with and the grade school, high school, and college students he spends time with.

  We have joyously welcomed the many new babies that have either been born into our friends' lives this year, or who have been matched with our friends who are waiting to bring them home. It has been so fun to have so many friends to go through the newborn stage with this second time around, and we can't wait to kiss some sweet Ethiopian, Chinese, and Haitian cheeks in the coming months. Here's hoping 2013 brings at least 4 or 5 little ones home to some forever families we love.

  We said hello to many, many new questions and facts about baseball as a result of Liam's great passion for the sport. In 2012 he LOVED attending Razorback baseball games and cheering, primarily, for Coach Van Horn. He also spent tons of time studying his Grandad's Cardinals' memorabilia and memorizing players' names. Liam also called the Hogs on his own for the first time in 2012, and learned to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." We are all looking forward to the 2013 season starting up next month.

   It goes without saying that our loudest, most joyous hello of 2012 goes to our sweet little Cora. She dramatically entered the world the day before the 4th of July, and has continued to light up our lives just like the fireworks we watched out the window of my hospital room.

  I was blessed to say hello to finally earning my LPC (licensed professional counselor) license, which has allowed me to become a provider for several insurance companies, thus giving me the opportunity to go into private practice and only work one day a week. I'm now working at my father-in-law's practice in Fayetteville (Center for Psychology & Counseling, if you ever want to send anyone my way!), and I'm so grateful to get to be home with my babies the other 6 days a week. Working in a new, less trauma-focused setting, has also renewed my love for working as a counselor and has definitely re-energized me.

  Josh was blessed to be able to say hello to running, again, in 2012. After he broke his foot (pretty badly) on Memorial Day 2011, he had to take it easy for quite a while. However, in 2012 he was able to build back up and meet some hard-earned goals.

  Along the same lines of fitness and outdoor fun, we said hello to the development of many new trails in our town. We are so excited for the 4 main towns in our area to be connected by trails and have big dreams of the family biking adventures we will have in the future.

  On a more frivolous note, 2012 brought some new forms of entertainment into our lives. The Avett Brothers. We had heard a lot about them from my sister, but we finally started listening to them ourselves this year. For my 30th birthday Josh sent Abbie and I to their concert when they were in Fayetteville and it was AMAZING. Downton Abbey. I watched the first two seasons this spring when Josh was out of town for various trips, as I worked on projects for Cora's room. I fell in love. My kind in-laws gave me the seasons for Christmas, and to my great and unexpected joy, Josh really likes the show. I can't wait to watch season 3 this year! 2012 also brought Josh an iPad - a source of great delight to him. Oh, and Clifford, the Big Red Dog. In 2012 we watched approximately 2,000,000 episodes of Clifford. It is Liam's very favorite cartoon, and his grandmothers have supplied us with numerous DVDs, which were very helpful in the early days of Cora's life, when I was nursing her all the time and the two-year-old was bored. The past year also saw us saying hello to the library on a regular, every other week, basis. Liam adores library books and consistently memorizes a good portion of the 5 we bring home with us after every visit (5, because that seems like a number I can keep up with ... I'm less likely to forget some if I know we always have 5). Without question his favorite library book this year was Casey Back at Bat (I think we borrowed it 4 different times, for a total of 8 weeks in our home ... we all have it memorized), but in general he loves any book that is about baseball, dogs, or dinosaurs.

  2012 also brought some goodbyes ... some welcome, some sad.

  Just before Cora was born, we had to say goodbye to our sweet friends, the Bogues. They only lived in NWA for 2 years, but we shared so many great memories with them in that brief time. Their little boy, Bryson, is 8 months younger than Liam, and this fall they welcomed a little girl, who is just 3 months younger than Cora. We still miss them dearly and wish we could be scheduling weekly playdates and dinners.

  We said goodbye to half of our community group at the beginning of the summer. The majority of our group had been together for 3 fantastic years, but last winter we began to sense that it was time to multiply into two groups so that we could continue to welcome in new couples without losing the intimacy that is only possible in smaller groups. While we are so thankful to still be with two of the couples we love, we so miss the "other half" that we no longer see on a weekly basis. But, God is good and it is exciting to know His plans are for more than just our own comfort.

  I said goodbye to the Children's Advocacy Center of Benton County after nearly 4 years of working as a counselor there. Although it definitely felt like it was time for that chapter of my life to close, the change has been difficult. I deeply and sincerely miss some of the clients and families that I had the privilege of working with, and I often wonder how they are doing now. While it has been a healthy change - to no longer be dealing solely with the trauma of abuse - it has been more challenging than I thought it would be to change my therapeutic pace and methods.

  As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I said goodbye to sleeping through the night. Hopefully, 2013 will have me saying hello to that delightful part of life again. Just last week Cora seems to have said goodbye to her 4am feeding, so hopefully all-night sleep is right around the corner! I think once we say goodbye, once and for all, to the swaddle she will be good to go.

  We said goodbye to Liam's long hair and his pacifiers in the past week. Little man is growing up and Josh and I are experiencing the wonderful ambivalence of pride, relief, joy, sentiment, and sadness.

  We said hello and then (gratefully) goodbye to 9 of the hardest weeks of my life. If you would like to know more about those "dark days" as I like to call them, go back in my archives to postings from the end of July - mid-September 2012. Cora was sort of incorrigible and I found myself fatigued, overwhelmed, and guilt-ridden on a daily basis. It was a tough time, but the hourly reminder to lean on Jesus was sweet.

Very sadly, we witnessed many families say goodbye to loved ones: babies born too soon, a toddler who went to be with Jesus in his sleep, and a couple of daddies who loved Jesus and their families and were killed on the road. Not to mention the horror of Connecticut. Processing these goodbyes from a distance has been a sobering reminder of the frailty of life and the fact that none of us is promised a tomorrow. I am so grateful for a good and all-knowing Father who never stops working out His glorious plan in this world.

  It is my sincere hope that 2013 brings many more joyful hellos into families than painful goodbyes; but knowing that separation is part of this broken world, I pray that the God of peace is welcomed into the goodbyes that will inevitably come, and that He is celebrated in the hellos.

  As for our little family, I anticipate saying goodbye to toddler boy diapers and a well-loved crib (sniff, sniff); and I look forward to saying hello to first steps, first words, and 12 more months of precious and hilarious memories.
 

Little Tenderheart

  Oh, man. This little boy just turned two and a half on Sunday and a couple of years ago I never would have dreamed that a two-year-old boy could be such a sweet encouragement. I don't want to exaggerate his awesomeness and pretend that every word that comes out of his mouth is sweet and spoken from a pleasant attitude; but the majority of the time he is a joyful and hilarious little guy.

  He continues to demonstrate a particularly compassionate heart. Yesterday was a tough day for me ... in the past week Cora has had her first cold, accompanied by lots of congestion and coughing, and has cut her first two teeth. Wednesday morning I woke up with the sniffly beginnings of a cold, myself, so by yesterday I was pretty exhausted from all of Cora's sleeplessness and a little miserable from my congestion. My patience may have been a little thinner than normal, but I wasn't grumpy or cranky. I was probably just a little less fun and enthusiastic than normal. About every 30 minutes, all day long, Liam would come up to me with a concerned look on his face and say, "You happy now, Mom? You smiling? You not sick anymore?" Precious little guy! He also reminded me several times, "Do not be anxious, Mom! About anything, Mom!" One of his favorite Seeds Worship songs is Philippians 4:6-7 (Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.). He sings the song often, but it amazes me when he tells me not to be anxious ... because somehow it is always at a time when that's how I'm feeling.

  Liam also recently memorized his first Bible verse (at least the first that he recites instead of sings). I've worked with him on a couple of different verses, but for me he tends to get super distracted. His teachers at his class that he goes to while I'm in Bible study on Tuesdays have done a wonderful job helping him hide God's Word in his heart. I love his little hand motions!

 
  My little bud also continues to sing ALL the time. It is one of my very favorite things in the whole world. He often starts with one song, like Jingle Bells or I Love you Lord, and then somewhere along the way it becomes a medley and ends with I Come to the Garden. He also sings the ABC's, nearly perfectly.

  He's falling into some great habits, as far as manners go - asking, "Mommy, will you please ______?" when I remind him to ask nicely for whatever he's wanting; and saying, "excuse me, Mommy," when I'm talking to someone else and he wants my attention (although he doesn't yet understand waiting for me to acknowledge him, so his "excuse me" usually is repeated over and over, and louder and louder until he gets his chance to talk). He's also started repeating so many phrases he hears from us. For example, the other day he wanted my attention while I was talking to Josh, so he came up to me and said, "Excuse me mom, I need to talk 'bout something to you!"

  For months now, he has repeated prayers that we would say at meals, but in the last couple of weeks he has started praying on his own. His prayers usually go something like this: "Thank you God for _________ (something he played with or something he saw right before his prayer) and ____________ and ____________. Amen."

  Anyway, I know Cora gets a lot of blog-time lately, since she is changing so rapidly; but I wanted to take a few minutes to record some of my favorite things my boy is up to lately!

And That's What It's All About

  This morning found me a little grumpy-hearted. It's my 30th birthday ... surely a girl could sleep in a little on her birthday, no? Or at least not be woken every 3 hours throughout the night by the baby who normally sleeps for 8 or 9 hour stretches. At least the birthday girl deserves a nap in the morning when the baby is taking her nap and the boys have gone to get breakfast ... why is the little one only napping for 30 minutes instead of her normal 2 hours? Why can't the pumpkin spice donuts at the family favorite doughnut shop be dairy-free? Surely the birthday girl deserves a doughnut on her birthday, especially when she's worked so hard to cut out foods that hurt the little girl's tummy.

  I was in the midst of donning my birthday-best martyr-wear ... you know, the downcast, weary countenance that sighs and says, "well, I'm the mom so I guess it never gets to be about me." As I was strapping on the gray goggles that were going to cloud my whole day, that beautiful Holy Spirit said, "Happy birthday ... aren't you so glad it never gets to be about you? Is there a better gift?"

  The goggles fell off.

  I get to celebrate my birthday by snuggling the downy soft head of my precious, dreamy-eyed daughter. I get to wipe the sticky, red fingers of the little man who has been sharing my birthday "Hot Molly's" with me (the candy, Hot Tamales ... I like his name better. And I like it when he asks me to blow on them to cool them off!). I get to wrestle them into jackets to go to lunch even though he is cranky because he's so exhausted from no less than an hour of catching and kicking his little Toy Story football with his Daddy. He just learned how to catch it today, being inspired by the high school football game Daddy took him to last night. We cheer wildly for him every time he makes a catch, but clearly it's an exhausting skill for him to master. I get to watch my wonderful husband be so great at adoring all of us all morning, until it is time for him to go do the job that I'm so proud of him for doing. It is the best birthday for me. It is the best life for me.

  And really, the very best part is that even if I didn't have them - the boy and the girl and the man, the two who I am mandated to raise and the one I am called to help - even if I didn't have them, it still wouldn't be about me. I've been rescued from living life at my own beck and call. That's Good News, because I am a terrible taskmaster. Selfish, so easily upset, so rarely satisfied with myself or anyone else. A birthday intended to celebrate me would be a sorry one, indeed. A birthday intended to celebrate freedom from "me-ness"? That's worth a party. I think when I blow out the candles this year, if I can muster enough breath from my out-of-shape lungs for all 30 of them, I'll wish for the next 364 days to be about faithful service to the Master whose burden is light. That would be a good year.

I am going to finish my last few Thankful 30 letters ... I've just had a busy couple of weeks of working on a celebration for my hubby, sick kids, and a shopping trip. The letters are too dear to me to write in a hurry, so I'll finish them as I have time to do their recipients justice with my words.

Just Some Words

  In the midst of the craziness of adjusting to our new addition this summer, I've had the opportunity to do a little extra writing. My father-in-law writes an article relating to mental health every month for a local, free publication for families called Peekaboo. Because he knows I love to write, and I think to give himself a break for a few months, he handed the reigns over to me for August, September, and October. Since I usually blog about my kiddos or things that are on my heart, I've appreciated the opportunity to stretch my brain in a different way as I try to integrate my experiences as a therapist into subject matter that I think may be of interest to parents of young children.

  The other writing opportunity I've been excited about has been joining the rotation of women who contribute devotionals to our church's women's ministry blog. I love sharing what the Lord has been teaching me. The women's ministry blog publishes a new devotional weekly and you can check it out (and my most recent devo) here. Several of the other contributors are wonderfully wise women whom I have looked up to for years, some even decades, so I hope you'll be encouraged by their words!

  Even though my brain has been pretty foggy for the past few months, the chance to do more of something I've always enjoyed has been a sweet gift from God. I have had to step back from certain areas of ministry that have been dear to my heart for years because of my children's current stages; so I am thankful that I can hopefully encourage a few hearts in a different way for now. If you are a mom of little children, I'd love to hear what different ways you have been led to serve or minister to those outside of your home. I know that at this time in my life, serving the little ones God has given me is of utmost importance and I am completely content with that, but I'd love hearing about the ministry opportunities you have been provided!

12 Weeks

  Sometime during the first month that Cora was with us, I posed the question, "when does having two kids become more manageable?" I can't say I was super encouraged by those who responded, either on my blog or on Facebook, by saying, "somewhere around 12 weeks." I felt like I could hang on until 6 or maybe 8 weeks, but 12? That seemed like an eternity.

  I am here to say that, if I were asked the same question by a new mom of two, I'd probably have to fall into the camp of "somewhere around 12 weeks." I know it does get a lot easier for a lot of mamas sooner than that; but in my experience, it is only recently that I'm starting to feel like the number of fun/enjoyable/sweet moments has surpassed the exhausting/wearying/survival moments. That is probably an exaggeration, I'm sure it has actually been fun and enjoyable more times than not for a while, but my perception is that it's a more recent development. And of course, as with most things in life, it isn't as if there is a moment when a switch flips. Babies develop and mature over time ... slowly but surely. Nursing times become shorter by a few minutes at a time, night sleep stretches out in little inchworm segments, and the amount of time spent screaming in the car begins to dwindle (the baby screaming, that is ... not me).

  I was able to tell Josh this Sunday night, "this is the first Sunday I haven't felt really anxious about the upcoming week since you went back to work [when Cora was 2 weeks old]." I think the biggest reason for this is that, by God's grace, Cora's current stage and a little persistence on our part has yielded huge benefits in the area of sleep. At this point, she cries either not at all or just for one or two minutes when I lay her down for her first morning nap, and an afternoon nap. She struggles a little more with the littler naps when she is too tired to be awake, but not quite tired enough to need a long nap, but I know in the next couple of months she'll outgrow those little catnaps, anyway. I'm sure anyone who reads this is totally tired of hearing about sleep, but my point is that the outlook is a lot brighter around here these days. Cora is better rested and happier, Liam is happier because he is spending less time on his own, and I feel like I'm doing a better job as a Mommy. Yay!

  Now the good stuff. Here are some pictures from when Cora was 8 days old. I love that in the pictures on the couch you can see one of our family pics that the same friend took when Liam was a newborn.

  Liam was a total ham the whole time. He was still adjusting to life with a new baby and I think his little head was spinning from all of the visitors we had had over the past week. This is the face he made in nearly all of the pictures that he is in!

After our little family shoot, we took some pictures of Cora with Josh and me in her nursery.

I am SO in love with these two of our little Beauty and her Daddy. I know they will be so special to her when she is older.

I can't believe this precious one has been in our arms for 12 weeks!

Little Miss was wide awake the entire time we were taking pictures.

She finally had her 2 month check-up last Friday, and she weighed 12lbs. 12 oz. and was in the 75th percentile for weight, height, and head circumference! Our healthy, perfectly proportioned gal!

You know all of those precious shots of sleeping newborns on their tummies or in cute little poses? Not happening with this girl - we tried getting some shots on her ottoman and the little stinker kept nearly scooting off of it. I should have realized then that it was a bit of foreshadowing regarding her sleeping preferences.

  I feel so blessed to have this family of four and I am loving this new stage of life that we are entering!

Day One

  Approximately 72 hours ago, my life changed. My daughter started sleeping like a champ. Yesterday, as she took not one, but two two-hour naps, I was almost paralyzed by all the possibilities of things I could do. Meal plan? Bible study homework? Fun preschool-ish activity planning? Write thank-you notes? It was amazing to get to think beyond survival ... you know, the "have I eaten, am I dressed, am I hydrated, is my other child fed, dressed & hydrated?" priorities that I've tried to cram in during her "naps" the past couple of months.

  Anyway, one thing I remembered is that I've never posted any of the newborn pictures our friend, Nic Taylor, took after Cora was born. We had him come up to the hospital a few hours after she was born, when Liam met her for the first time; and then he came to our house for a shoot when she was 8 days old. By the time we got the pictures back, I'm pretty sure we were in the throes of the worst couple of weeks ... before I went dairy-free. So, now seems like as good a time as any to post my favorites - here are some from the hospital, and later this week I'll put up a few from the shoot at our house.

Here's the first time Liam saw me in the hospital. We had Cora in her bassinet in the corner of the room, so that he could come cuddle with me and get comfortable with the room before we added Sissy into the mix.

Sweet boy pointing to the new baby.

 

I love the look on his face as he's taking in this new little person in our lives

 First picture as a family of 4!

  These pictures are SUCH a treasure, and I'm so thankful that we had someone who is actually good at taking pictures come and capture these moments so that we didn't just end up with a lot of iPhone shots. It's crazy how long ago this seems already ... 12 weeks on Tuesday.

Accidentally Awesome

  Here's a little story, for anyone who's interested. After reading my post a week and a half ago, in which I mentioned that I wanted to start reading the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, my fantastic friend, Sarah, mailed me her copy and I received it a little over a week ago. At first I was a little overwhelmed - it was a heftier volume than I had imagined - and then I was a little frustrated, because I wanted it to give me an exact pattern or method or list of rules to follow. I do well with rules ... a blessing and a curse. Anyway, I pored over the book, and once I started to understand how it was laid out, I really enjoyed it. I loved reading all of the research regarding baby sleep, and then I started to appreciate that Dr. Weissbluth doesn't necessarily give "5 Easy Steps" or something along those lines because one-size-fits-all plans rarely do.

  I followed his advice and started really focusing on getting Cora down for a consistent first nap of the day, just an hour after she woke up. I was able to transition her out of her vibrating bouncy seat so she now sleeps solely in her Nap Nanny (because he recommends working toward motionless sleep), and throughout the rest of the day I would watch her like a hawk and try to get her to sleep as soon as she started looking/acting drowsy. It was still taking forever to get her to fall deeply asleep enough for me to put her down, and bedtime was still about an hour long on and off again process, but I was just trying to get her as rested as possible.

  I knew that at some point I would probably need to let her do some form of crying it out, but I felt confused about when and how to approach it. I had tried letting her cry for about 20 minutes a few different times when she woke up early from naps, but she just screamed the whole time. That brings us to yesterday. We were going about our normal routine in the morning: I fed her, pumped, and put her down for a nap while Liam drank his milk and played, and then I got him settled at the table for breakfast. Ten minutes later, she was crying again. Ugh. I really didn't want to leave him at the table on his own while I went to rock her for whatever endless amount of time it would take to get her back to sleep, and I knew she would be really fussy and tired if I got her up, so I let her cry. Twenty minutes later, she was fast asleep. For an hour! I was SO shocked. I decided that if this was some window where she was learning to settle herself down, I didn't want to miss it, so we did the same thing for the rest of the day: when she was sleepy I would swaddle and rock her the way I always do, but as soon as she started to fall asleep, I would put her down. She never cried more than 25 minutes, and then she napped better than she has in weeks.

  My sweet parents offered to let Liam spend the night with them so we could let her cry at bedtime (since that is when our biggest battles occur), and last night she cried for 19 minutes after I put her down and then slept through the night for the very first time! I did get her up a little after 10 to feed her, like I always do, but other than that she slept from 8:00pm until 7:30am! Then, for her nap this morning she only cried for 6 minutes!

  I know this sounds dramatic, but I already feel like a new person. Now that I know she's capable of falling asleep on her own, I feel like it is going to be so much easier to get things done around the house and to devote more time to Liam. I feel like I can finally start thinking about things like potty training and fun activities for him that involve more than just markers and coloring books. I know we'll have good days and bad days and that all of our sleep woes aren't just magically going to go away, but I do believe we have made HUGE strides in the right direction. It's so great to see my little girl getting a bit more rest, and she is so happy today! Way to go, Cora!

Little Gifts

  This evening we walked a trail we've walked dozens of times. The sun was just sinking below the treeline and encouraging shouts from a peewee football game drifted through the air. The first fall evening this year that could be defined as crisp.

  The two-year-old ran ahead, like the wind. Sunshine curls flying all helter-skelter out behind him, his little heart bursting with joy to be outside with his "whole famp-ily".

  The big red dog ran zigzags across the sidewalk, constantly being reminded to not jump in the creek. Not this time. Bedtime is soon and we didn't bring a towel.

  The little girl sat quietly in her stroller, looking for all the world like an Eloise Wilkin illustration with her big blue eyes and little mouth and delicious cheeks.

  We walked past the shady place where we said goodbye to the baby we lost, one year ago tomorrow.

  Josh said, "Isn't this so different from when we used to walk on the golf course?" When we were newlyweds, when we lived in a basement in a gated community, when our lives were quieter and calmer and we were only two.

  We were so happy then. We laughed and went on adventures to foreign countries. Our hearts were full. We could not have known how much our joy would be multiplied in the years to come. How much more we would laugh and how our hearts would explode with a new kind of love.

  I don't know why we've been chosen to parent these precious ones; but I do know that, "children are a gift from the Lord," (Psalm 127:3a) and He has been generous to me.

Progress Report

8 weeks! Little sister has been here for 8 whole weeks! Honestly, I'm super relieved we've made it this far. They have been 8 pretty challenging weeks (okay, maybe just 6 of them have been really challenging - the first two sleepy newborn weeks weren't that rough).

 So, I thought it was time to do a little update - mainly to force myself to think through which things have gotten easier, because I know they have. Here's where I see progress so far:

• Liam's understanding of Cora's naptime! Praise the Lord, he has adjusted really well and now understands that when I'm trying to get her to go to sleep he needs to stay in the living room or play room, or sometimes he quietly reads books in his bed. This is immensely helpful.
• Length of feedings. I'm still usually feeding Cora 8x/day, but now it only takes 20-30 minutes, as opposed to the 45-60 minutes it took in the beginning. This makes life MUCH easier because I have time to do some things either around the house or with Liam & Cora after she eats and before she needs to go to sleep again.
• My ability to soothe Cora. For a couple of weeks the hardest thing was just getting Cora to calm down enough to sleep. She will still squirm and cry in my arms some, but for the most part I'm able to quiet her fairly consistently. Tremendously helpful to my sanity.
• Cora's ability to fall back to sleep quickly after nighttime feedings. For a long time it took a full hour to feed her and get her back to sleep. Now I'm generally back in bed after about 40 minutes.
• My ability to not care as much. I think I'm moving into an acceptance of the chaos, so I get less stressed about things. She didn't nap long enough? Oh well. I'll just jiggle her on my hip while Liam & I go about our business.

There are still a few things that I will celebrate when we finally turn a corner:

• Nighttime sleep. Cora still wakes around 3 or 4 in the morning to eat, I guess we've progressed a little because most of the time she sleeps until 7 after that, and sometimes I wake her to get her up by 7:30ish. I like to get her up around the same time everyday because it allows us to have some teensy bit of predictability to our day.
• Falling asleep at bedtime. After her 7:30/8:00ish feeding, it generally takes at least an hour, and sometimes 2 to get her to stay asleep in bed. This is the hardest part of my day. However, tonight I decided to just put her back in her vibrating bouncy seat in her bed (where she naps during the day) instead of trying to get her to stay asleep on her mattress. I was out of her room by 8:30! Woohoo! I've been resisting trying the bouncy seat at night, because I don't want to establish bad habits, but she is napping in it anyway, and for mental health reasons (and so she can get better rest) I think we'll just go with it if it works. I'll move her to her mattress after her 10:30 feeding, because she's usually so passed out by then that she does fine with being laid flat on her back.
• Falling asleep at naptimes. Yeah, there's definitely a theme in what I hope improves in the coming weeks. Just fall asleep, kiddo.

  I know this is the most boring post ever, but I wanted to remind myself that so much has gotten better in the past month. I'll write about all the fun, precious stuff about Cora at this stage when I do her 2 month letter next week. Thanks to all the friends who have prayed for Cora and I this summer. I have so appreciated your support - know you've helped me keep my sanity and the Lord has used you to help bring peace to my heart!

How Does Your Garden Grow?

  I've been tasked with providing a nurturing and loving environment that will foster the growth and development of two little seedling hearts. Someday they will be transplanted from the sheltering greenhouse their Daddy & I call home and they will find themselves providing strength, beauty, and shelter for others. For now, though, ours is the soil that feeds them; and I'm afraid my pH balance has been a bit off the past couple of weeks. I'm a little ... acidic.

  Of course it's understandable. Of course I get overwhelmed. I have postpartum hormones and I'm sleep deprived. I have two little people who are dependent on me and who aren't afraid to let me know what they want. I'm not beating myself up for being weary and for looking anxiously toward those mid-afternoon and late night hours when they both sleep. Any human would.

  BUT, I don't want my life to bear the fruit of humanity: anxiety, worry, discontent, crankiness, anger, bitterness. Sure, they are all understandable, but they aren't how I want to be characterized and they certainly aren't the environment I want for my tender little sprouts. I want the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I want more than myself for my kids. I'm not growing them for myself, after all.

  So, this acidic soil needs to be sweetened. Ann Voskamp has reminded so many of us of the health that comes with recognizing and acknowledging the gifts that infiltrate our everyday lives. At this stage in life, I see more reason for a mega-dose of gratefulness than I ever have before. I need the perspective that it brings to help lift my mind above the crying and whining and disciplining and self-imposed guilt that filter into our home in varying amounts on a daily basis.  If His mercies are, indeed, new every morning, I want to do a better job of paying attention so I don't miss them.

  That being said, here are a few of today's mercies:

• Cora sleeping in the car on the way to the church & library instead of screaming the entire time, as she normally does.
• Cora sleeping in my arms at the library instead of fussing, so Liam was able play with puzzles and puppets. A much needed outing in this, the hottest of summers.
• Liam's little voice singing along with his Seeds Family Worship cd
• Mom & sis coming over to provide some company and to put Cora down for a nap so Liam and I could read his new library books before his nap.
• NWA dealpiggy offering a great discount on air-conditioning repair services today, when our air-conditioning stopped working, AND the repairman can come today.
• Our air-conditioning failing on a day when it is in the low 90s outside instead of in the 100s, as it has been for the past few weeks.
• Cooking dinner for the very first time since June, thanks to our families and lots of sweet friends who brought us meals for the past month.
• "Cooking" a dinner that takes, literally, 5-7 minutes to throw into the crockpot. Done.
• The timing of the olympics. Television I'm really interested in watching during weeks when I'm doing lots of sitting, feeding little sister, and it's too hot to take little ones anywhere.
• Precious friends who pour out godly encouragement when I let them know I'm having trouble seeing life clearly.

"Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!"

-Great is Thy Faitfulness, Thomas Chisholm 

Wondrous Works

  I'm back! Perhaps you didn't know I had been anywhere, but for a couple of months we shut off our internet service to save some money. We just turned it back on, and I'm so excited to document our first couple of weeks as a family of four! That's right, our sweet Cora Nicole was born on July 3, at 1:38pm. She weighed in at a whopping 9lbs., 2oz., and was 20in. long - 1/2in. shorter than her brother was at birth, and 2lbs. heavier!

There is so much to catch up on ... I still haven't even posted Liam's 2 year update and his birthday was over 2 months ago. However, for tonight I want to tell the story of Cora's arrival: a story worthy of telling partly because it is about her, but primarily because it is about the grace of God. A few days after coming home from the hospital I read Psalm 105 and was reminded why I need to tell this story:

 "Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and he judgments he uttered," Psalm 106:1-5

  So, a story of one of His wondrous works ...

  At my 39 week check-up, my doctor and I decided that I would check in to the hospital on July 3 to be induced. The 3rd was one day after my due date and the next time my doctor was on-call. I felt a little guilty about scheduling an induction that didn't seem to be medically necessary, but I had been dilated 3cm for a couple of weeks already and I really wanted my doctor to be the one to deliver her, so we went for it.

  We arrived at the hospital at 6am that Tuesday, and by 7:45 my doctor had come and broken my water. Josh and I were both very relaxed and spent the morning watching coverage of the Tour de France and re-runs of olympic gymnastic trials. By 10:30 my contractions were still pretty far apart (about every 8 min.), but had become painful enough that I got an epidural. By 11:00 my nurse thought my doctor would want to start me on pitocin since the contractions weren't getting much closer, but upon checking me she found I had progressed to 7cm - no wonder the contractions had started hurting! My doctor came by my room on her lunch break to check on me, and found I was nearly ready to start pushing!

  After only about 20 minutes of pushing, Cora's head came out, and it was at this point that our smooth labor and delivery process took an unexpected turn. Her shoulders became stuck - an emergency condition called shoulder dystocia. I didn't really know what was going on ... just that she was stuck and I needed to keep pushing.  The next few minutes were intense, much more so than I even realized at the time. I knew things were serious when I could see fear in my husband's face, and when two of the nurses in the room jumped up onto my bed with me and were pushing on my belly, trying to dislodge her.

  When she finally came out, she was blue and unresponsive. The NICU nurses who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere whisked her to the other side of the room where they immediately began administering oxygen. My amazing nurse, Lisa (a long time family friend ... she's known me since I was a little girl), leaned on my shoulder and prayed that Jesus would breathe life into Cora. It has taken me longer to type these last two paragraphs than it took to live the experience, so I can't say exactly what I was thinking during those brief, yet long minutes, but I do recall two thought fragments that flashed through my brain. I know I realized my baby might not live; and I know I thought about the meaning of her name: heart full of victory.  I knew she would experience God's victory in her life, regardless of the outcome of that day.

 Sometime between a minute and two minutes after she emerged, we finally heard a tiny whimper, which graciously grew stronger and stronger. Cora recovered from her traumatic birth so quickly that she didn't even have to be taken to the NICU. Within 10 minutes she was strong and stable enough that I was able to hold her for a couple of minutes, before she was taken to the nursery for some tests and x-rays, just to be sure she hadn't suffered any additional complications. Two hours later she was brought back to us - pink, hungry, with no broken bones or nerve damage and amazingly minimal bruising. Twenty-four hours later, we were headed home.

The blessed hands that Jesus used to help revive our baby girl

Proud Daddy loving on his sweetheart

Snuggles

1st night home: so happy to be with both of my little treasures

 I will never be able to express my gratefulness that on July 3, 2012, God decided to give Cora victory by breathing life into her lungs. However, as wonderful as that gift is, my greater hope and prayer for her is that, at some point in her young life,  He will give her victory by breathing eternal life into her spirit and by waking her heart to a knowledge of Him. I pray that she will live a full and abundant life in Him, and that she will be used to point others toward the victorious life they, too, can have in Him.

  Thank you, Jesus, for Cora.

The Birthday PARTY

A couple of months ago I asked Liam if he wanted a “truck” party or a “baseball” party for his birthday – I assumed these options would both be pretty appealing to him, since trucks & baseball are his favorite things in the world. Being the true fan that he is, he unwaveringly chose a baseball party.

  So, for the past couple of months I’ve been pinning baseball party ideas on Pinterest (you can see the board here) and slowly collecting supplies. A few weeks ago we decided that, since I’d be just over 7 weeks from my due date, we would keep things simple(r) and cheap(er), and just invite family to the party. I know this will sound really silly, but this birthday party really made me feel like I’m progressing as a grown-up. I tend to get WAY too carried away … wanting to plan too many details, making everything too much work, and not planning enough time to accomplish it all without getting stressed out. This 2^nd birthday party, though, included none of those things. I truly enjoyed working on the details, I felt that I scaled back my initial ideas reasonably, it was NOT stressful, and it still felt really special.

  So, here are some pics of the fun …

The only décor in the living room were these red tissue paper poms that I made and the “baseball” lanterns. I found the lanterns at Target for a dollar a piece a few weeks ago and picked up a bunch because I’m thinking of using them for something in Cora’s room (have I mentioned how much I LOVE the dollar aisle at Target? I always find the greatest stuff there). Per modified Pinterest inspiration, I just used some cheap red curling ribbon and scotch-taped a baseball stitching design onto them.

Our dining room table was the gift table, and we had a little station set up for our guests to “autograph” a 2^nd birthday baseball for him, as a keepsake from the day.

And here’s the party table

It was so fun to put together some of my favorite ideas. The baseball rice krispy treats were a big hit and really easy to make, but the baseball glove cake was my favorite part. I made Liam’s birthday cake last year, as well, but I wasn’t crazy about it. It looked a lot like someone who knows nothing about cake decorating and has no experience had decorated it. So, it was a pretty accurate depiction of my skills. This year, though, I made a few key choices that helped greatly: I had a photo I was trying to copy, I did not make my own frosting, and I bought some slightly better tools to work with.

 Yay! I was so pleased with my glove cake and baseball cupcake for the birthday boy, and most importantly, he was, too!

 Sadly, I only got a picture of Liam with Josh and I (and Cora!), but forgot to get any pictures of him with the party attendees.

Gratefully, we get to see grandparents at least once a week, so we have plenty of opportunities to take pics with them. I do have a few pics of him enjoying some of his favorite gifts. Of course, he received another baseball bat - a Toy Story one that he loves (but what bat does he not love?) - but in this pic you can also see his new kitchen & work bench. Josh and I found a great deal on the kitchen, so that was his big present from us (which I'm sure Cora will be enjoying as well a year from now); and the cool work bench was from Uncle Zach.  You know, just to make sure he doesn't become too domestic from all the cooking :)

Grandad & Nana (my parents) gave him this awesome front-end loader (or "bulldoder", as he refers to it). He's still a bit too small to pedal it, but he loves sitting on it, piling toys in the bucket, and lifting the bucket up and down. Every morning since he has gotten it he has asked me, "Yellow bulldoder? New one?", just to make sure it is still at our house.

 

His Papa & Grammy gave him this cute turtle sandbox & sand. He's still figuring out his digging technique, but he's very excited about it. Up until last weekend our backyard had nothing in it, except for our grill, doghouse, and dog dishes; so I am very thankful that he now has some things to entertain him back there, since it will be a bit tricky to go many places this summer once Cora arrives.

  His Aunt Abbie has nannied for a family of 3 kiddos for years now, the youngest of whom is just a couple of years older than Liam, so she is always in the know regarding cool toys for toddler crowd. She gave Liam this Play-Doh Cookie Monster set. You can use little stamps to make the alphabet out of play-doh, and then feed him. Liam was fascinated that the play-doh disappeared after he closed Cookie Monster's mouth.

 The final gift, that was really a surprise for all of us, was a used outdoor playset. Earlier this spring I had my heart absolutely set on getting one for Liam's birthday, but it just didn't seem financially feasible this year. I was really disappointed, because I've worried more than I should about how I'm going to keep a two year old entertained with a newborn in the house. I had finally let the idea go and stopped being overly dramatic (at least about that) about a month ago. The day before Liam's birthday we got a text from a couple in our community group letting us know that their neighbors are moving and were selling their playset for a GREAT price. We went by to see it, and on Mother's Day, Josh (with the help of my bro, dad, and our friend, Nick) brought home our $75 playset. It needs new canopies and to be restained, but I couldn't believe we were able to get something that will provide so many hours of entertainment for just $75! God is such a sweet and generous Father.

 

  It was a fantastic day of celebrating the blessing that is Liam, and I'm so thankful his birthday was far enough from my due date that I still had the energy to do some extra special things for him!

My Boys

  I don't often blog about what a great man I married. I think that sometimes I feel bad if I write about having a loving husband who is a terrific daddy, because I know that lots of women have to deal with the sadness of having a husband who is not loving, or raising kids without the presence of a terrific daddy.

  That being said, my husband is a gift in my life, and I'm so grateful we get the chance to raise kiddos together. He deserves some acknowledgment (I know I could wait and post this for Father's Day, but we are thinking about canceling internet for the summer to save some cash while I'm on maternity leave, so who knows how often I'll get to post during those months).

  Liam loves his daddy a lot. While he's always been a bit of a mama's boy, the older he gets the more he looks forward to time with Josh. Especially now that I am at a point in pregnancy where my size is a bit too cumbersome for certain activities, Liam really looks forward to Josh getting home everyday, so they can go on bike rides, mow the lawn, play catch, or wrestle together. It's been so fun to watch their relationship grow, as Liam develops his abilities to communicate and to participate in activities. While I know it will be a little difficult to see my relationship with Liam change when Cora arrives, I know it will only bond him closer to his daddy, which is such a good thing for a tiny man. I may have many years left of being his primary comforter, but Daddy is definitely the one who brings most of the adventure into Liam's life. Here are a few fun memories from this year, so far.

  Bob & Larry, of VeggieTales fame, came to our local Christian bookstore early this year. Liam LOVES VeggieTales movies and cd's, but HATES giant mascots. We took him to see which preference would win out.  Turns out, his dislike for mascots is a little stronger than his love for Bob & Larry. Sorry guys. This pic does demonstrate one of Liam's favorite places on earth: daddy's "shoshees" (shoulders). Any time he goes anywhere with Josh, he asks for "daddy's shoshees". (Note: I've also found that with a giant pregnant belly, my own shoulders are a slightly easier place for me to carry him - it beats trying to balance him on top of my stomach).

   Josh could hardly wait for the first good snow of the year so that he & Liam could play in it. Last year we had amazing snow, but all our little man could really do was sit in his snowsuit in it. Sadly, this year we only got real snow once, and it was a pretty pitiful amount. Still Liam & Daddy had fun throwing powdery snowballs and running around.

   Around our house, we like to start the day slowly. This isn't a possibility on the two days a week when I work, and Josh often has early meetings to get to; but when we're able, we love bringing Liam to our bed for snuggle time while he drinks his morning milk. When Josh gets to be lazy with us, Liam loves asking him to play, "angy a-birds" (Angry Birds) on his phone. He cracks up and mimics the sounds the birds make.

  Last year we used our bike trailer some, but Liam was a little unsure of it and didn't have the patience to be in it for long. This year he is enthralled with going on bike rides with daddy (I get a little bummed out that bike riding & being 30 weeks pregnant don't go together very well). Josh has even had to stop saying what he is doing when he's leaving for a ride on his own, because Liam gets so disappointed if he doesn't get to go. He loves strapping on his little Cars helmet (he always calls himself a "cool dude" when he has it on), and if he has a cup of juice and a few books and toys in the trailer, he's pretty content to be there for a while.  I took the pic below from my car windshield, as I sat at a stoplight, after dropping off Liam and Josh near a bike trail for a few mile ride.

  I had packed a picnic lunch, so after I dropped them off, I drove to a park at the end of their ride where we ate and played together. It is sometimes inconvenient that Josh is at the church for up to 8 hours on Saturdays, but I love our Family Fridays. It's fun to get to do things like play at parks and go to the donut shop for breakfast on a day when most daddies are at work. On this day at the park, Liam tried out the big boy swing on his own for the first time and did great.

  I love watching Josh show Liam how to do things. He is so patient with him and is great about not rescuing him when something is hard, but instead encouraging him to keep trying. I am so thankful that my son has a dad who will help empower him to be a strong man as he grows up, instead of hindering him or doing everything for him.

  Josh's job is such a great blessing in family life. Sure, we may have more evening commitments than many families, but Josh's flexible job schedule makes it so easy to do things like have spontaneous picnics, which we did today. Liam loves going to see Daddy at the church, and I have to be very specific anytime we are headed to the church about whether we are going to see Daddy or to "class". The disappointment is almost more than he can bear if he thinks we are going to hang out with Josh, and instead I start carrying him toward the children's building to drop him off before church starts.

  I love these two boys more than I can say, and I can't wait to watch how they both love on and protect sweet Cora, once she arrives!