Liam was sick yesterday. When I went in his room to get him out of bed yesterday morning he said, "Mommy, uh-oh," and pointed to a pile of throw-up in his bed. He hasn't gotten sick again since then, but his mood has been a little off. Consequently, today still involved a lot more fussing and neediness than usual, except for the glorious couple of hours when he was distracted by his friends, Lilly, Fischer, and Bryson. By the time 7:30 rolled around this evening I was done. I was ready to get him in bed so I could plop on the couch in time for the Office and Up All Night. I finished our bedtime routine and closed the door at 7:52 - the Office starts at 8:00. Perfect.
At 8:16 Liam started wailing. Sometimes he fusses a little at night before he falls asleep, but I could tell this wasn't a normal wind-down whimper. I needed to tend to him. Right in the middle of my show. A BAD attitude reared its head as I walked down the hall. Thankfully, it never takes more than a minute or two of cuddling my precious son to kick my selfishness to the curb, and as I sang through the verses of Amazing Grace (one of Liam's favorites: "Grace!") I thought about what a gift it is that an act of worship to God - nurturing the child He has given me - can be so tender. As I was meditating on how kind it is that God has designed all of the very best experiences in life to be a way of glorifying Him, I was reminded of my prayer from this morning.
Briefly, I felt a twinge of disappointment. I couldn't remember noticing anything remotely close to the strength or majesty of God in any of the fussy, tiring, or house-full-of-toddlers moments of my day. Before that disappointment even had time to sink in, my heart heard the words, "this is it," and I was immediately reminded of the story in I Kings 19 when the Lord instructs Elijah to stand before Him on the mount:
"And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rock before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, the sound of a low whisper." (I Kings 19:11-12)The God I serve is all-powerful. The wind and the waves obey Him. The God I serve is robed in majesty. I wouldn't survive the experience of seeing Him with my human eyes. The God I serve is humble. He wrapped all His strength and majesty in the form of a baby when He sent His incarnate Son to earth, and He continues to remind us that we are to, "be still and know," that He is God (Ps. 46:10).
I think I'll start trying to wake up before Liam more often. I need more quiet, majestic moments.