Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The One I Have & the One Who is Coming

  If you read my blog post yesterday, you know I was a bit somber; but gratefully my sentimental state was held in check by my sweet Liam's antics. He was so well-behaved yesterday (except for a pre-dinner meltdown), and was just such a hoot. I'm sure sitting in the car for the 40 minute drives to and from my supervision appointment wasn't his favorite activity, but as long as the Veggie Tales were crooning to him over the stereo, he was perfectly content. School buses are one of his favorite things right now: pictures of buses in books, his Little People bus, the song The Wheels on the Bus, and oh, when he sees a school bus on the road ... you'd think someone just told him he won a million dollars. He FREAKS out. Anyway, he's started doing the hand motions to "bus" (to Liam all song titles consist of only one word, so obviously The Wheels on the Bus is just "bus"), and it was so cute watching him press his little index finger against his pursed lips as "the mommy on the bus," said, "shh, shh, shh."

  After our long morning out we shared some leftover roasted red pepper & tomato soup (a favorite of both of ours). Side note: This soup is AMAZING. It is by far my favorite packaged soup I have ever tried, and I love that you can just pour & heat what you need & leave the rest in the fridge. And no one is paying me to say that, it's just really, really good.

  Anyway, when my buddy's bowl started getting low and he asked for "mo soup" I responded by pouring some of the soup out of my bowl and into his. With a look of delight, he said, "sanks, Mom!" It was the first time he spontaneously thanked me for something, and it was such a precious moment. I know I'll have to remind him to say thank you at least a billion more times in his life, but it was sweet to glimpse a little grateful heart.

  In the midst of all the silly, dear, frustrating and exhausting moments with kiddo #1, I've been plugging away at growing our next little family member. Tomorrow's the big day when we will (hopefully) learn whether Liam will have a little brother or a little sister and we are SO excited to find out! In light of tomorrow's ultrasound, though, I wanted to take a minute just to say how thrilled we are regardless of the baby's gender. Since we already have a son, lots of people have asked or assumed that we are hoping that this little one is a girl. In case you, friend or family member who is reading, have wondered this yourself, we are not.

  Yes, I would absolutely love to have a daughter at some point. I love my mom and sister and my relationships with them and it would be such a gift to get to have that type of bond with my own daughter someday. However, my boy melts my heart and it is such a privilege to get to raise a little pre-man. Grown men have such extreme capacities: they can be terrifying in their destructive power or awe-inspiring in their self-controlled leadership. I count it no small thing to be called to nurture, cuddle, discipline, and love one future man; and I would be so honored to be given the gift of another. Deep thoughts aside, I think it would be really fun (and crazy) to have two boys just two years apart. The visions of bunk beds and bruises and chaos make me simultaneously smile and want to sit down and put my feet up. I'd love for Liam to have a brother to adventure with.

  But, we could have a girl! I may not be the mom who encourages glitter and big bows and animal print; but I would love to raise a little lady. To have a sweet one to introduce to Anne (with an "e"), to (attempt) to sew cute clothes for, and to watch adore her daddy & big brother. It would be such a privilege to read Elisabeth Elliott and Amy Carmichael and Madeleine L'Engle with my own girl and to teach her that knowledge is an accessory that will always be fashionable and that wisdom is beautiful. It would be an honor to be chosen to do my best to model gentleness, respect, adventure, and grace to a future woman who will influence her own world one day. I'd love for Liam to have a sister to adventure with.

  If this little baby doesn't cooperate tomorrow, I'll have the second half of pregnancy to see-saw between these two dreams, but in all likelihood, tomorrow I will tuck one away as I embrace the other. We'll start preparing for the one who is coming this summer and not look back once to what the other option might have been like. I just wanted to take a few minutes to acknowledge how truly awesome it will be, either way.

1 comment:

kate said...

So, so beautifully written and well-said. I may steal your words about raising a girl for myself. Those are my thoughts, but you say them much better. :) Can't wait to hear your news, and I know the little one is as blessed as could be having you as his/her momma.